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-   -   Intro and Vent (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f133-pregnancy-and-motherhood-after-loss/2679086-intro-and-vent.html)

joanna26 September 15th, 2013 09:16 AM

Intro and Vent
 
Hi all mind if I pop in? I recognize a few names from TTCAL a while back although I haven't actively posted in there in over a year. My name is Joanna, mom to Jack (4). We have been struggling with infertility for over 3 years and my last pregnancy (~2.5 years ago) ended in a m/c. I am FINALLY pregnant again. I've had two betas done (last one Monday) which looked great. But I just can't relax.

This morning my first thought after waking up was "I just don't feel pregnant anymore". I haven't had the obvious symptoms that I did with my pg with DS. Oh I've had a few this time, increased hunger, fatigue, but today I basically feel normal. Which just makes me want to crawl into bed and cry all day. My body never caught on to my last m/c so the fact that I am not bleeding isn't even a relief. What I wouldn't give for m/s to kick in or something:mellow: Any tips for making it to my u/s on the 30th without going insane?

momof8lopez September 15th, 2013 09:42 AM

Re: Intro and Vent
 
Welcome and congrats on your pregnancy! Im terribly sorry for your loss and pray this is your sticky rainbow baby! As for trying to get through the first few weeks with sanity, I have no advice. I have had 3 rainbow babys and a 4th one on the way, it never got easier. Once you experience loss, you never get to enjoy the ride for free anymore. Post away in here, we all get it, sometimes that in itself takes the edge off.

EverydayJoy September 15th, 2013 09:52 AM

Re: Intro and Vent
 
Welcome to our board! :waves: I'm sorry for your prior loss, that makes subsequent pregnancies SO hard. You're always questioning every little thing, wondering if you should get attached, waiting for something bad to happen but hoping desperately that it doesn't. Pregnancy after loss is a unique and usually stressful situation.

With me, with this last pregnancy (my rainbow baby), I was waiting that whole first trimester to lose the baby. Every day I would think, "Wait, are my BB's deflating? I don't feel as sick as I did yesterday. Does my belly look smaller?" and peeing on a stick a zillion times to try to reassure myself. It got better when I passed my loss date by a few weeks, and better still when I started feeling movement regularly, around 20 weeks for me--rather late but I'm told an anterior placenta can "muffle" baby movements, and I did have that.
I don't think you ever really stop worrying, and you definitely can never have that blissful ignorance of a "normal" pregnancy (by that I mean, a healthy pregnancy where you haven't ever had a loss). But, you can still have excitement, love and joy for this new baby, and I say embrace every day you have with this little one.

Ame C September 15th, 2013 11:26 AM

Re: Intro and Vent
 
Welcome and congratulations. Wishing you a happy and healthy 9 months. I agree with what the other ladies have said so far. They said it well. I still worry but it has gotten better than it was the first trimester. I hope the nausea kicks in soon (but not too horribly bad) to help ease your mind.

Empty arms September 15th, 2013 04:17 PM

Re: Intro and Vent
 
Welcome!!

Sorry I can't help you ease ur mind... I had USs done at 5w, 7w, 2 at 10w and I am havind another one this week for the NT, but still... Right now what gives me great confort is the baby doppler, it is not easy yet, but Ive been picking up heartbeats since 8w6d.
Still, today I convinced myself that if by a miracle this baby survives birth, she will probably die of late onset GBS, so I probably shouldn't breastfeed, or even hold her for the first month.
Yes I'm going insane, but who's to blame me? Once the impossible happens once...

AnnaBonana September 15th, 2013 09:00 PM

Re: Intro and Vent
 
First of all, welcome and ((hugs)). I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm at 12 weeks now. I'm not sure what makes it better. For me, making it till today has been a huge milestone. I'm still scared every day, and I'm not sure what would make it better. I want to order a Doppler for home use but I'm terrified that I won't hear a heartbeat and drive myself mad.

My next milestone I think will be feeling movement to help me relax. Posting here helps too, so do that as often as you need. :)

Boos Moo September 16th, 2013 07:31 AM

Re: Intro and Vent
 
I'm new to this part of the board, but wanted to say congrats on your pregnancy. With this pregnancy I've had that happen twice (where I just didn't feel pregnant anymore). Once was after days of spotting and no symptoms. So with my previous history (3 losses) I decided I'd better call the nurse (it was on a Monday holiday) and they sent me to the ER (all the regular Dr. offices were closed that day). Well they found a hb quickly upon vaginal u/s. The next time was about 1 week and a half later when I had my regular scheduled midwife appt. She found a hb and said we were measuring right where we should be. So maybe it's our minds way (or maybe mine) of trying to prepare us in case something should happen. But I'm wishing you sticky baby dust :)

melissalaw September 16th, 2013 09:08 AM

Re: Intro and Vent
 
Welcome!! Congratulations on your pregnancy so glad you are joining us. The very beginning of any pregnancy is so hard because even though you have that BFP you just don't feel pregnant. I never really start feeling pregnant until around 8 weeks so those first few weeks are terrible. I'm hoping that your morning sickness kicks in real soon and gives you some reassurance. i don't have alot of advice just try to fill your time and try not to worry. And we are here for you if you need us.

Schofield06 September 16th, 2013 05:25 PM

Re: Intro and Vent
 
Congrat's on the pregnancy!
I agree with the other ladies. There wasn't anything that could keep me from worrying. I've had 2 miscarriages and am currently pregnant. I still worry, and feel 'not pregnant'. The doppler has helped me a little. Mostly I just try to keep myself busy and preoccupied so I don't have as much time to stress myself out.

humnck September 17th, 2013 09:03 AM

Re: Intro and Vent
 
Welcome and congrats on your pregnancy! It is really hard, everyone has said it well, hang in there. I hope that the next few days fly by! HUGS!!


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