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-   -   Struggling...... (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f133-pregnancy-and-motherhood-after-loss/2682576-struggling.html)

Boos Moo September 30th, 2013 05:51 PM

So the last couple of days have been really hard emotionally for me. During the day when everyone is up and around I'm ok, but come bedtime I just get so emotional. DH works nights. I'm hoping it's just pregnancy hormones and not my bodies way of telling me something. I don't have any symptoms saying something is wrong (like cramping, bleeding, etc), I just feel sad. Last night had myself a good cry over nothing (was trying to watch an old show, but it wasn't even a sad show). We go in on Wednesday for our genetic counseling appt. and they'll probably do at least blood work that day (not sure what else they might do, but I'm hoping for a hb confirmation or u/s, something).
Since I'm sure you ladies have been through these emotional times, what do you do to 'turn that frown upside down'?

EverydayJoy September 30th, 2013 06:04 PM

Re: Struggling......
I'm sorry you're feeling so sad. I recall feeling so ambivalent that first trimester with Kody (rainbow baby). For several weeks I was sure I was going to miscarry like last time so I just wanted to go on and get it over with. I don't think our emotions are necessarily good indicators of what's going on with baby. But definitely if you have any concerns it doesn't hurt to get checked out just to be sure.

Hmm...as far as how to cheer up, I wish I had some good ideas...chocolate was one I went to a lot. You could try a warm bath with lots of bubbles. Sometimes even just writing out what your fears are can help lift that weight a little. I know for me I kept trying to keep them at bay but sometimes it helps to just voice what you're really feeling. Maybe buy yourself a snuggly stuffed animal to hold? I had a bear I bought when I had the miscarriage as something to remember my one I lost, and I definitely slept with that bear some nights when I was having a rough time.

Schofield06 September 30th, 2013 06:31 PM

Re: Struggling......
I get this way sometimes. I don't have any good ideas on cheering up. I usually just try to let it out and I feel better after that. Sometimes I will go out and do something, as I can get emotional if I've been cooped up too long. My DH just started working nights. I don't like it very much. :hug: I hope you get to feeling better!

Ame C September 30th, 2013 07:43 PM

Re: Struggling......
I'm so sorry. I know I was an emotional wreck in the first trimester. My hormones were going crazy in the worst of ways... I was gloomy, mean, pouty, moody, pretty unpleasant to be around. I can say, for me, it got MUCH better! I'm back to my normal chipper self (most days) and don't focus on all the gloom and doom like I did before. Crying does help. I don't like to do it around DH too much because he likes to "talk about my feelings and try to fix it" and sometimes I just needed to be alone and cry. I would escape to the bathroom, take a bubble bath and cry my eyes out. I really did feel better afterwards. I like Joys comment about snuggling a teddy bear (I think that's sweet), and Schofields idea about getting out of the house. Being cooped up alone with your thoughts can be depressing. Try to keep your mind busy by doing whatever things you can. Cleaning, books, tv, talking to friends or family, surfing the web, artsy projects, shopping? :smile: Hang in there ((hugs))

Boos Moo September 30th, 2013 08:37 PM

Re: Struggling......
Thanks, just typing it out felt better. Oddly DH called shortly after (he rarely calls when he's at work, cuz, he's at work and working - lol) and asked how I was feeling. I hadn't told him I've been really struggling emotionally at night. Figured why make him sad and worried also. But I did tell him tonight that the last couple of nights I've been moody. Sadly it seems bad at bedtime and everyone is asleep (or DH is at work), but I do like the idea of being crafty. Maybe it's time to get back into my scrapbooking (after I clean off the desk I have for that!). There's nothing heavy on there I'm not supposed to lift so I can handle that myself. Thanks ladies. I think just putting it out there (sometimes a scary step) and knowing you're (or I'm) not alone helps. Since I've had previous losses it really is hard sometimes to just focus on the good and not let those scary thoughts creep in. I think once DD goes to bed I'll get to work on cleaning off my craft desk and see how that goes :)

EverydayJoy September 30th, 2013 11:09 PM

Re: Struggling......
I think the craft desk sounds like a great project to do.

On a side note, sharing how you feel with your husband might be a good idea.
I kept a lot of things from mine after the miscarriage, because I felt that he pretty much just felt a little sad and then got over it vs. me who hit the depths of despair for months afterward. But when I got pregnant with Kody, I had a day with my DH where I finally was just honest with my fears with him. It was close to my due date and I was scared. I was scared I was going to deliver a dead baby. I told him even though I thought he would think I was silly or stupid to think that. But he understood and told me it wasn't stupid, and that he hoped I could lean on him a bit and let him help me when I'm down. It was a really good bonding moment between us.
I say all that to say, don't underestimate how it can help you heal to share your pains with your husband. If he's the kind that might be understanding about it, it can go a long way to help the two of you bond even closer and help each other through this scary part of pregnancy. I think it was really sweet of him to call you and ask how you were feeling. Maybe he was picking up on your emotions a bit. Sounds like you got a keeper there. ;)

momof8lopez October 1st, 2013 07:59 AM

Re: Struggling......
Hoping it only gets better in the second trimester, which is almost there! Those first few months of emotions are the worst! Then unfortunately, they all come back in the last trimester....I'm right there with you.

melissalaw October 1st, 2013 08:23 AM

Re: Struggling......
I'm so sorry that you are having a hard time. I know the first trimester is so hard. I was very emotional and scared during the pregnancy right after my loss. I would doubt that it is your body trying to tell you something. It is most likely just pregnancy hormones on top of the fact that you have a prior loss. I know for me it always gets better once I can start feeling that little baby move around. Very reassuring.

I would imagine that at your genetic counseling they will go ahead and do your NT Scan since you are past 11 weeks so that should hopefully give you some more reassurance. Seeing that little guy on the screen and hearing that heartbeat are so wonderful.

Good Luck and let us know how your appointment goes.

Boos Moo October 1st, 2013 08:41 AM

Re: Struggling......
Thanks. DH is a keeper for sure (we've been together for 24 years!). Last night was so much better. Though I didn't get to bed as early as I had hoped (because DD has class day today so we need to get up early) due to the nap I took yesterday (so guessing I'll be napping again today). I was up when DH got home and he gave me a big hug and foot rub (gotta love that). We talked a little, but by then I was ready for some sleep.

EverydayJoy October 1st, 2013 11:25 AM

Re: Struggling......
That's great to hear! Foot rubs sound great!

lelila October 1st, 2013 02:37 PM

Re: Struggling......
Yep. We went through all that too. There were weeks when we didn't mention the pregnancy at all. We didn't want to get our hopes up. I still have days when I'm convinced it's ended and I'm just waiting for those horrible signs.

Hang in there.

AnnaBonana October 1st, 2013 04:03 PM

Re: Struggling......
To be quite honest, I became a board hog here. I felt selfish but there were days when I posted so much because I had to gt it out somewhere. My DH understands and is great but he works some pretty crazy hours and by the time he gets in, I just want to let him be and not worry him further.

I hope you find some projects to keep busy. I find the nights lonely too... From six to nine seems to be the worst. ((Hugs)) and I hope you feel better soon.

Boos Moo October 1st, 2013 06:09 PM

Re: Struggling......
Thanks so much for the support, it really means a lot. We have genetic counseling tomorrow, so I'm hoping to get some reassurance (but not really sure all that will be offered or done). I did get some of the craft area cleaned up and organized. Still got more to go (problem is we're remodeling that room also so things are a mess in there, and be we I mean DH - lol).

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