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-   -   afraid to join but joining anyways! (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f133-pregnancy-and-motherhood-after-loss/2686141-afraid-to-join-but-joining-anyways.html)

CLS2616 October 16th, 2013 06:20 AM

afraid to join but joining anyways!
Hi girls, my name is Courtney some of you might remember me from the TTCAL board :) I just got my BFP this morning and am very very very nervous about it! Here's my BFP


Here's a little about me. I got married in July 2010 and had my honeymoon baby in March of 2011...I was pretty traumatized by my delivery experience. My daughter was stuck (came out facing my inner thigh with her arm up) and it resulted in 4th degree tears (tore hole to hole!). 8 weeks later I was still in a lot of pain and was diagnosed with a rectovaginal fistula (not a fun thing). When my daughter was 5 months old I had surgery to repair so I was recut (the whole way) and had to have my sphincter muscle repaird along with the fistula. After this experience I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to be pregnant again even though a vaginal birth won't happen again. When my daughter turned 1 we decided we would give it a try again. It took about 8 months and last fall we found out we were expecting #2. I had spotting a few days before, very very light and then it stopped so I just figured it was Implantation Bleeding. At 6 weeks I started spotting again, over the next 3 weeks the spotting turned a little heavier (never as heavy as a period) until 9 1/2 weeks there was no heartbeat. I had a procedure done on 12/21. We started trying again this past summer, it took about 6 cycles and I finally got a BFP :).

Here's a little info on the past month and why I am so nervous about this pregnancy. Before AF shows every month, I start spotting a few days before so I know she's on here way. This month nothing was different, I started spotting brownish color Thursday the 10th at 8dpo, spotted the same brownish color through Monday. Monday there was some red blood just like very light period so I put a tampon in. Later in the day I went to change it and noticed just a tiny bit of blood and the rest the darkish brown and that was it for the rest of the day. Yesterday there was almost no spotting at all, I could just tell a teeny tiny bit when I went to the bathroom, last night nothing, this morning nothing so that's when I decided to take a test.

I am very nervous and don't have high hopes for this pregnancy but I am trying very hard to get out of that mindset and get happy about this.

I am trying to tell myself spotting is normal in early pregnancy and everything will turn out just fine! I spotted twice in my first trimester with my daughter (not this early) around 10 weeks and 12 weeks if I'm remember right, it was bright red both times and only when I wiped and it went away immediately.

Has anyone else had the spotting/bleeding right around the time when AF was supposed to arrive and gone on to have a normal healthy pregnancy???

melissalaw October 16th, 2013 06:29 AM

Re: afraid to join but joining anyways!
Congratulations on your pregnancy. I personally have never had bleeding early in any of my pregnancies but there are alot of ladies on this board that have had bleeding and went on to give birth to healthy babies. Have you called your dr to go in for bloodwork. Seeing increasing levels will do wonders for your reassurance. I'm so happy for you and your BFP and so glad that you are joining us. Sending you lots of prayers and sticky dust for a healthy and happy 9 months.

CLS2616 October 16th, 2013 07:06 AM

Re: afraid to join but joining anyways!
Thank you! :)

I haven't called my Dr. yet. I am going to try to call this week :) It's nerve wracking each time I go to the bathroom!

MelChicago October 16th, 2013 07:36 AM

Re: afraid to join but joining anyways!
Courtney!!! Congratulations on your BFP! Big big hugs to you, friend!

I completely understand your fears- I think we all do. Something I tell myself when it starts getting really intense is that every moment I have with this baby, I want to be spent in love and peace. It's easier said than done, I know. I hope you can find some comfort and serenity soon.

Call your doc. Like Melissa said, rising #'s will definitely reassure you. If you call and get in today, likely you can get a second draw and results on Friday, then you'll be more at peace over the weekend.

Sunrise October 16th, 2013 07:51 AM

Re: afraid to join but joining anyways!
Cortin! Hello and welcome! Congrats on your bfp!!

I'm with Mel- call your dr and ask for quantitative betas. You need them 48 hours apart so today would be great cause you'll have some info for be weekend. Best of luck.

CLS2616 October 16th, 2013 07:57 AM

Re: afraid to join but joining anyways!
I'm going to call them when they open this morning :)

EverydayJoy October 16th, 2013 08:10 AM

Re: afraid to join but joining anyways!
Welcome! Wow your first delivery sounds ouchie! I would be a bit traumatized too after that, ouch!
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. That's so hard, and usually we're not prepared for it at all when you have a normal first pregnancy (like I did too). No one really educates you on the statistics of how many women have miscarriages. They keep it all hush-hush until you have one...then everyone wants to tell you that they had one too!
I definitely had spotting with my firstborn, right around the time I would have had my next period. The first period after conception was a missed one, then the next one after that I had some light pink/red spotting, only enough for a pantyliner. My OB said it's perfectly normal, and that some women even have full on periods their whole pregnancy (you know they're gonna be the ones on "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"!). So take heart!

CLS2616 October 16th, 2013 08:17 AM

Re: afraid to join but joining anyways!
:) thanks for that...I remember reading tons of stories about women bleeding in early pregnancy when I spotted with my daughter. It's just a bummer! Nothing can ever be easy lol

I just called my Dr. office, waiting to hear back about when they want to see me. :)

EverydayJoy October 16th, 2013 08:22 AM

Re: afraid to join but joining anyways!
I know it! If only you could shake one of those 8-ball things and it could tell you, "You will deliver a healthy baby". Or go rub some crystal ball to find out. Hah. I was so emotionally in knots the whole first trimester with Kody (he's 5 months now). I was just ready to lose the pregnancy, was even mad it was taking so long because I didn't want to get attached if I was going to lose it. It got better after I passed my loss date with the last one and better still when I started to feel the baby move regularly.

CLS2616 October 16th, 2013 08:34 AM

Re: afraid to join but joining anyways!
i think that is how I will be up until I have the baby in my arms lol I agree that feeling the baby move will make me feel better. That won't be for a while though so I might as well try to relax and not freak out too much lol

lelila October 16th, 2013 08:45 AM

Re: afraid to join but joining anyways!
Congratulations Courtney! A healthy and Happy 9 to you. I agree with pp, try to get some betas, that will make you feel a little better at the onset.


MelChicago October 16th, 2013 10:18 AM

Re: afraid to join but joining anyways!

Originally Posted by EverydayJoy (Post 27731366)
If only you could shake one of those 8-ball things and it could tell you, "You will deliver a healthy baby". Or go rub some crystal ball to find out. Hah.

Totally! I had the thought that I wanted to get a vision of the future in the spring of how I'd look with a bump- then got so upset imagining if I *did* have that vision and did not have a bump.

CLS2616 October 16th, 2013 01:29 PM

Re: afraid to join but joining anyways!
I just got off the phone with the Dr. office, going this afternoon for blood work then again on Friday. Hoping for some good results but I've had more spotting today so I'm not really feeling good about this. :(

Boos Moo October 16th, 2013 01:29 PM

Re: afraid to join but joining anyways!
Welcome Courtney and congrats. I had some spotting around week 6 - 7. It wasn't a lot and was darker brown/red. But because of my previous losses and the fact that I hadn't yet been to a doctor (they wouldn't see me until 8 weeks), I called the nurse connection and they sent me to the ER (it was a holiday so offices were closed). They did an u/s and found baby was fine. Now here I am just over 13 weeks, haven't had anymore spotting (except once after my cvs test). They told me it's pretty common to have spotting, but it sure doesn't make you feel any more at ease. Hope you were able to get in to the doctor today.

I spotted for almost a week and a half. If you don't have cramping then breath a little easier (if you can) - hugs.

CLS2616 October 16th, 2013 02:11 PM

Re: afraid to join but joining anyways!
No major cramping but I am feeling bloated and gassy so that's making me feel crampy I'm hoping that's what it is anyways. After they get the results to my blood work they'll figure out when my first appointment needs to be. The waiting and wondering stinks.

Ame C October 16th, 2013 02:48 PM

Re: afraid to join but joining anyways!
:waves: Courtney, I'm so happy to see you here and hope this is your rainbow baby!! Congratulations on your pregnancy! My fingers are crossed that your numbers and everything looks good. I had some bleeding early on (at 8 weeks) with this pregnancy, not sure what caused it, but I haven't had any big issues so far.

Saying a prayer for you sweetie.

Schofield06 October 16th, 2013 03:23 PM

Re: afraid to join but joining anyways!
Welcome Courtney!! So glad to see you here. I hope the spotting stops for you and that you have a happy and healthy 9 months! Praying for you.

CLS2616 October 17th, 2013 07:09 AM

Re: afraid to join but joining anyways!
Thanks everyone! Again, it's so good to see lots of familiar faces! Congrats to all of you. Hoping we all get to spend lots of time together over the next several months.

I haven't had a lot of spotting since yesterday. Hoping it's going away. I had my blood drawn yesterday to check out my progesterone & HCG. Tomorrow going back for HCG. Hoping all comes back good.

I know I'll regret saying this but I cannot wait to get morning sickness, I know that doesn't always mean everything is going perfectly but I've had two pregnancies, 1st I was sick sick sick & STARVING, I literally thought I was starving to death and that pregnancy ended with a beautiful healthy baby girl. 2nd, I didn't have hardly any symptoms at all and that ended at 9 1/2 weeks. So some morning sickness would be wonderful lol

Amy, I'm so glad I am on a board with you again! lol Your posts always put a smile on my face lol

melissalaw October 17th, 2013 07:22 AM

Re: afraid to join but joining anyways!
Let us know how your blood work goes.

i know my husband thought I was crazy when I was happy to have morning sickness. I was sick as a dog but it was so reassuring and like you I know that doesn't mean all is well but it does help a bit.

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