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-   -   DS having MC nightmares (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f133-pregnancy-and-motherhood-after-loss/2686142-ds-having-mc-nightmares.html)

lelila October 16th, 2013 06:27 AM

DS having MC nightmares
5 AM this morning, DS comes running into our room sobbing that he had a nightmare that we went to the doctor and the doctor told us that the baby had stopped growing and had to come out of my tummy. He was sobbing so hard. I was heartbroken. No 7 yr old should have to worry about such a thing.

What have I done by telling our child so soon? I've made him a nervous wreck. I wanted to comfort him and tell him everything was going to be OK, but I couldn't. I'm just as worried as he is. Our next appt is tomorrow and I'm terrified that we are going to go in for that U/S and see that horrible image from last winter and get that dreadful news. I'm waking up with headaches every morning and I'm not eating and my nausea is back. I'm getting cramps and abdominal pain again and I'm just plain a mess. And poor DS knows it.

Sunrise October 16th, 2013 07:46 AM

Re: DS having MC nightmares
I'm so sorry. I can't think of any way to comfort ds.

I was having mc nightmares and they intensified once I made it to 12 weeks. It was the same recurring scenario. I decided to purchase the tinest hat and a gender neutral blanket and carry them with me. I call it my emergency birth kit-. It evolved to have more little supplies. But just having this silly "pack" helped my nightmares stop thank goodness-

Did you purchase a Doppler?

Just remember that kids are "magical thinkers". Try to remind ds that nothing he does has anything to do with the tiny one inside you.

Best of luck at your appt. anxiety sucks. Lots of hugs your way.

EverydayJoy October 16th, 2013 08:14 AM

Re: DS having MC nightmares
Ohh your poor little guy. I can't imagine having that be one more thing you have to experience as part of this pregnancy--it must make your heart hurt for him.

I like Sunrise's idea. What about going out and picking out a special stuffed animal that he can give to the baby after it's born? Then he might feel like he has some sort of connection to the baby and it might help him feel a little more positive about the pregnancy.
I bought a stuffed bear after I had the miscarriage and it helped to have something to hold onto. Something to comfort me. I wonder if it might feel the same for him...something to hold onto in the face of his fears.

lelila October 16th, 2013 08:39 AM

Re: DS having MC nightmares
Thanks ladies. I've thought about having him do something like that, get a little hat or bear or something, but I didn't want to get his hopes up. I bought him a shirt that says "I'm going to be a big brother" and he refuses to wear it. He says he doesn't want to tell anyone yet because it should still be a secret.

I feel like I've scarred him. He asked if he could go to the appt with me tomorrow. But I'm afraid to let him, because what if the baby has passed away and the U/S shows it? He would be traumatized.

melissalaw October 16th, 2013 09:35 AM

Re: DS having MC nightmares
I'm so sorry about your little boy. How terrible for him to worry about that. That is my worst fear. I dread ultrasounds. Now that I am feeling him move more it has gotten easier. I'm sure your little one is just fine in there and tomorrow you will see that beautiful little heart beating.

I like the idea of getting him something like a bear. Let us know how your appointment goes. I'll be praying for good news.

EverydayJoy October 16th, 2013 09:49 AM

Re: DS having MC nightmares
Leia, that's such a tough decision.
It's not your fault, you haven't scarred him, the loss has scarred you all as a family. I've read about children and their grieving process as it pertains to miscarriage, and what I've read is that it's better if they know about it, because then they understand why you are sad, and they can grieve it instead of maybe having some sense of loss and not knowing why. Children are very perceptive so I suspect he would probably have known something was up anyway even if you never told him.

I was thinking about the ultrasound, the other option is to have him be at home. And while he is at home, he is going to feel scared, concerned for the baby and anxious to hear what is going on. I wonder if it might be more comforting to him to at least be there with his Mommy and Daddy and to be able to find out right away what the answer is. I think either way would be a hard choice. Maybe you can decide together.

MelChicago October 16th, 2013 10:13 AM

Re: DS having MC nightmares
I'm so sorry your son is so scared. And you too. I'm not a parent yet, so I'm not sure I have much helpful to contribute. But I work with kids, and the first thing that popped into my head was modeling how to manage fears. Acknowledging and validating them, talking them through, finding resources (doctors, therapists, etc), talking through if/then scenarios (especially addressing how if the baby isn't growing properly, it's no ones fault and nothing that anyone could do), recalling other times when sad or scary things have happened and talking through what he/you did to "survive" (distractions, exercise, hugs, deep breathing, drawing pictures/journalling, finding other joys to focus on, helping others, etc).

Boos Moo October 16th, 2013 01:35 PM

Re: DS having MC nightmares
Oh poor little guy.
How about if you took him to the u/s and he could wait with someone in the waiting room first and then after things look good he could come in.
16 weeks isn't to soon to tell, he probably could figure it out on his own that you're expecting. And it gives him plenty of time to bond.
Just wanted to send hugs.

Ame C October 16th, 2013 02:57 PM

Re: DS having MC nightmares
This is so sad for me to read. It's hard to know exactly what the best decision is in this situation. I think maybe I agree and it would be best if he go with you but that is something you and your DH should talk about together. It's not our choice. I do hope everything goes wonderfully tomorrow!! I will be looking for updates. T&P!! ((hugs))

Schofield06 October 16th, 2013 03:38 PM

Re: DS having MC nightmares
I'm so sorry. I always get those nightmares before appointments. I hate that he's having them too. I hope everything is great at your appointment tomorrow. Don't feel bad about telling him. Kids pick up on things whether we tell them or not. :hug:

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