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-   -   Confused and Upset (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f133-pregnancy-and-motherhood-after-loss/92039-confused-and-upset.html)

Lizzy10 October 21st, 2005 04:50 PM

First of all I just want to thank you for reading my message...

My name is Lindsay. I am 20 years old. I lost my baby about a month and a half ago, Sept 2. The pregnancy was not planned at all. I was dating a guy and I moved so we broke up. 2 weeks later after I moved I realized I was late. It did not worry me because my period was irregular. Well after I was a month late I took a test and it came out positive. I was so upset. Even though I know a baby is a blessing I was still in shock. The thoughts "what am I going to tell my parents?" "How am I going to support the baby?" " Will the babies father even care?" went threw my head. Well I finally told him and He asked for an abortion. He is 25 years old and was not planning on having a baby. Espeically with me. Well I told him I would not abort the baby. I do not believe in that. I think if you think you are responisble enough to have sex you should be responsible to deal with the consequences.

He talked to his brother and his sister -in-law and realzied he did not want to go his whole life thinking about a baby he could of had. Well after we decided to keep the baby things went smooth. We were happy. We lived about 3 hours away from each other so it was hard for us to see each other. We dealt with it though. We started to fall in love. We were so happy with each other. We had so much fun, and had so many laughs. Well I finally told me parents and he told his and they were happy with one another. My parents were real supportive with the situation. They did agreee with what happened but things happen for a reason and we need to deal with it. Well the next 5 months were great.

I wake up one morning not feeling to good. I go to the bathroom and I see blood. I make an emergency appointment with my doctor and I go in and I miscarried the baby. It was and is one of the worst days of my life. I was getting so excited about the baby. I had things picked out and made plans. I told my bf and well he cried. He came up as soon as he could and just broke down crying in my arms. Everything we did and saw for the next 5 days reminded us of our baby boy. Well 2 weeks later he decieds that things between me and him were moving to fast nad he was not sure if he loved me for me or was trying to love me because of the baby. In my head and in my heart I felt like he loved me. Well soon enough we got back together and I was happy again. And just as fast as I was happy I was sad again. He said we were not meant to be and it was not working out. So between losing the baby and losing him my world was falling apart and there was nothing I could do about it. I could not sleep I could not eat I could not do anything. Just cry in bed and thinking about everything I lost. I would lay there and ask God "Why" Just when I needed my bf the most he left me. He said that it was to hard for him and that he needed alone time. And the whole what I needed was him.

My mother and sister lost their first baby. They say it gets easier but how can it. Everyday I sit and think I would be this big, this far along. The pain never goes away and the thought never goes away. I think about his cute little nose, little fingers and little toes. I want my baby back. I dont understand this. I know God has a plan for everything but why losing my baby. What possible lesson or plan could he have for me. My bf and I are back together again. But now I am not happy. He use to make me feel better. He knew what I was going through and he knew how I felt. But now I feel hopeless. I hurt every day, every hour, every m in, every sec. It wont leave my mind. Will it get easier, will it stop hurting so much? I know that I am not the first person to lose a baby and I know I will not be the last. But I never thought it could happen to me.

Now I am 2 days late on my period. If I am pregnant again I dont know what I will do. I am so restless with everything. I have so many things in my head. I turn to God alot at times like this. I do believe that everything happens for a reason and that God would not put me through something I could not handle. What does not kill you will make you stronger. I just do not know where to go from here. I am so tired of feeling this way. I am so angry,upset, sad,depressed all the time. I am angry at everyone and everything. I just dont know anymore.


Miranda and Maria's mommy October 21st, 2005 08:24 PM

wow, thanks for sharing. A miscarriage sucks any time, but when you have the added stress of relationships and life in general, it makes it so much worse....I wish I had better words of support or that I could make it all better. Your feelings are normal and perfectly okay....you are not alone in this...we are all here....

JennL October 22nd, 2005 10:42 AM

Hi Lindsay -

Thank you for sharing, and i'm truly sorry for what you're going through. It certainly sounds like you've been on an emotional and physical rollercoaster with all of this. I'm sorry that I don't have any concrete answers, but here's my advice for what it's worth....

First of all, if you're a few days late, it wouldn't hurt to take a preg. test - just so that you'll know either way. Stress can certainly affect your cycles and could be a good reason for you being late. I'd start there just so that you can stop wondering if you're pregnant again or not.

As far as the your bf, I think that you need to look out for yourself at the moment, and deal with your own grief and feelings of loss. Some men just can't handle certain problems or don't know how to deal with their emotions constuctively. It sounds like you both may need to deal with your own feelings towards losing the pregnancy and then maybe could then work on the relationship if you think it's worth it.

I too believe that things happen for a reason, although unfortunately we don't always know what those reasons are. From what i've read and been through, most miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormalities and really there's nothing that anything could have been done to prevent it. We had alot of testing done after my 2nd m/c only to find that there wasn't anything wrong w/either of us and we were told that we just had a series of really bad luck.

I don't know what to tell you so that you can get through this sooner, as everyone grieves at a different pace. I hope that you can turn to your family and share with them what you're feeling. Sometimes just talking about it and getting it all out helps in accepting what's happened. Of course there's alot of people on here that have similar experiences and will certainly be here for you as well.


Lizzy10 October 22nd, 2005 08:25 PM

Thank you for your kind words and for taking the time to write me. I really appreicate it. Well I had a doctors appointment Monday. BUT I live in Florida and the hurricane is going to delay that. So I should get another appointment sometimes next week and find out if I am pregnant again.

Thanks again.

Miranda and Maria's mommy October 23rd, 2005 09:18 PM

keep us posted....okay?

Ukmum October 24th, 2005 07:24 AM

Sorry to hear about your loss and good luck with the test.

Trynitey October 26th, 2005 03:33 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your emotional rollercoaster. It is very hard to lose a baby, and it does get better over time. With your being so far along and miscarrying, it will probably take a longer time to feel better. You'll always miss your little boy and think of him no matter what.

Your boyfriend is only confusing you more at the moment by not being helpful and supportive. If you are not happy in this relationship, then by all means, get out.

With having irregular periods before, it's likely that you are having irregular periods now. Good luck and please keep us updated.

We are all here for you :dothug:

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