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-   -   Diana's Journal (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f275-pregnancy-loss-journals/952219-diana-s-journal.html)

notgivingup4u February 28th, 2008 04:59 PM

My name is Diana and I just recently miscarried. I found out that I was Pregnant on Valentines Day. I was excited and scared at the same time. When I tol my boyfriend that I was pregnant he didnt really say much and that scared me. I knew it was ok though because he started helping me in every way that he could and was the sweetest guy ever. I went to the Doctors the next day and found out that I was 7w pregnant. I started bleeding really bad on the 21st of Feburary. I went through a whole bag of super tampons in four hours. It was then that I knew something was wrong and my boyfriend rushed me to the hospital. After an ultra sound and tons of blood work I was told that I had miscarried. I was so devistated.

I needed someone to talk to so I called my best friend.... or who I thought was my best friend. She proceeded to tell me that she was glad that I had miscarried and was hoping that I would. She told me that I can find someone better to have kids with than my boyfriend. It hurt so bad for her to tell me that.

Since I miscarried I have found it so hard to see pregnant women or newborn babies. I know that I only knew that I was pregnant for about a week, but it is the hardest thing that I have been through. I often find myself crying over the smallest things. I have so many thoughts run through my head.

The thought that I think about most is why is it that these people that drink and do drugs all throughout their pregnancy can carry a baby full term but I lost mine. I did everything that I could. I stopped smoking about a week and a half before I found out I was pregnant, I quit drinking, I was eating healthier..... I just dont understand why people who do messed up stuff like that when they are pregnant and still have a baby, that is most likely in horrable addicted state and not take care of themselves. It just does not make sence to me.....

How did ya'll cope with your losses?

Krissy08 March 1st, 2008 10:46 AM

Hello Diana...I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. I sometimes to this day still wonder what did I do to lose my baby...sometimes when I'm bout to have a drink of wine or something I get this weird feeling like I shouldn't drink. I lost my baby two years ago and it's still hard on me to see pregnant women or see kids. I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was already 7 months..and i lost my baby at 9 weeks. I did drink the first month of my pregnancy not knowing I was and sometimes that bothers me. I'm sorry your best friend said that to you...no one deserves to hear that after they have loss their child. I can't really tell you how to cope with it because I'm still missing my baby every day, and it's been two years. I was told it takes time but no one really knows how much time. Just take it day by day and make sure you time to yourself once in a while to think about your baby. I have one ultrasound picture that I got when I went to my first doctors appt. and I take time to look at every once in a while. Also, let your boyfriend be your support system..my boyfriend didn't really know what to say when we lost our baby but he would just hold me whenever i would cry. I also asked him how he felt about the situation because he lost someone too and I didn't want him to feel like it was all about my feelings...so don't forget to include him. Good luck to you...and once again sorry for you loss.

notgivingup4u March 2nd, 2008 07:04 PM

yeah, it is really hard.... There are just so many questions that i want answers to but its hard to get answers... you know what i am talking about? There are so many why questions..........

Krissy08 March 4th, 2008 11:20 AM

That is the hardest part of the whole situation...no one can tell you why. You have a million questions and you can't get 1 answer. I feel like it's a way of saying just accept what happened and then hope it doesn't happen the next time you are expecting. That's what makes me so upset about it. Try to hang in there :smile:

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