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-   -   For a friend... (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f40-pregnancy-loss/2665394-for-friend.html)

EverydayJoy July 13th, 2013 12:53 AM

For a friend...
Hi ladies, some of you might remember me from a long time ago, but I'm guessing a lot of new faces in here too. I am sorry for all of you, for your losses.

I wanted to get an opinion on helping a friend who just had a miscarriage about 3 weeks ago. I am fairly good friends with her older sister, and our families knew each other growing up, but I'm not super close to her personally. She lives in another state. I'm friends with her on facebook, and I've been messaging her, wanting to convey my sympathy and try to be there in case she wants to talk about it. Her older sister said she'd been having a really hard time talking about it so I thought maybe I might be someone easier to talk to since she knows I had a miscarriage last year.
Anyway, she's been pretty quiet on facebook, it's been more me talking than her, and she responds, but I don't want to bug her. Do you ladies think I ought to leave her alone and let her make the "next move" as far as letting me know she wants to talk? I have just been putting out little "thinking of you" messages and a couple thoughts as far as sharing a poem I wrote back during the m/c fallout, and sharing the title of a book I thought helpful, and offering to knit a tiny sweater for her (in memorial) if it would help. If you were in her shoes, would you want me "pestering" you? Or would you just want to be left alone? She's a sweet girl and I'd be afraid she just wouldn't tell me to get lost even if that's what she wanted.

MelChicago July 13th, 2013 09:05 AM

Re: For a friend...
It's nice of you to care. Since she hasn't responded to your overtures so far, I would back off. You aren't close to her personally, so you really don't know what she wants or needs to process her grief. What was helpful for you may not be helpful for her.

If it were me, I wouldn't like receiving a poem that someone else wrote or sweater that someone else knit. I'd consider those expressions of the other person's grief, not MY expressions of MY grief. Other ppl may feel differently, of course.

I truly admire your intentions, though, and think you are a very compassionate person.

EverydayJoy July 13th, 2013 09:08 AM

Re: For a friend...
Thank you, that's just what I wanted to know. I appreciate it!

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