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-   -   Lurker - with a question???? (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f326-pregnancy-over-35/2624376-lurker-question.html)

mom2mady February 11th, 2013 12:35 PM

Lurker - with a question????
Hi, my name is Kami. I'm 38yrs old with 2 wonderful kids, ages 5 & 3.

I am not pregnant but have gotten a little baby fever. DH wants to have more kids but I'm just not sure. We have 1 boy and 1 girl so on one hand I feel like we are set as a family. But the idea of having another baby is tempting. With our first baby....it was the first so we didn't know what we were doing. With the second we were living in my parents basement for just over a year (took a new job & was selling our old house...couldn't afford paying for two places at the same time). So because of our living situation I never got to really enjoy my pregnancy or his first 6 months. So the thought of being able to do it again and really enjoy it all and be more relaxed is very tempting.

But here is my concern that maybe some of you can advise me on. I'm not worried about the pregnancy...it's the growing up part. The math of when "I am xy age the kid would be only ab years old!" My other concern is that I feel now that I don't have the patience sometimes for my 5 & 3 year old...but to start it all over again with another!? Then of course the financial side of things. I am a SAHM and DH is a teacher. We live pay check to paycheck with almost nothing in savings. How do we afford another kid???

Half of me is being the practical side and the other half is the emotional side!!!!

I'm sure all of you that are "mature in age" and pregnant have probably thought about all this stuff. Could you help me out with your thoughts/ feelings and how you are taking on a baby at our age?


writergurrl February 12th, 2013 06:37 PM

Re: Lurker - with a question????
Well, everyone is different, of course. Different viewpoints. Different lives. But I'll tell you some of the things I thought, if that helps.

I'm 38-years-old. I have two girls (almost 5 and just turned 2). Never felt a burning desire for a boy. Didn't feel a burning desired for a third kid, although I did toss the idea around in my head a bit. But we were settled, in a routine. I am a SAHM and plan to homeschool. I figured it best to stop at two kids.

DH had his initial consultation for a vasectomy. *Surprise!* We discover we're pregnant. (No matter what your girlfriends in high school told you, the withdrawal method is not reliable. lol)

Terminating the pregnancy was not an option for us, so we accepted it and decided to make the most of it. Now I want this baby very much and am glad I got preggers, but the first few weeks were a little tough emotionally. At the beginning of this pregnancy, I had a lot of the same concerns as you. How would I handle three? How would it affect us financially? Would I be ancient by the time my kids were out of the house?

In the end, I realized it would all work out.

As far as money goes, I tend to think the third kid is less expensive. We have all the baby stuff we need. I threw away most of my maternity clothes, but these days I can get by in baggy t-shirts and Hubby's boxers around the house. lol We already have a car that can fit three kids, and long ago we decided our kids would either get scholarships, grants, loans, or jobs to pay for their own college. Sure, groceries and extra curricular activities can be expensive, but those are expenses that can be managed and altered to a certain degree.

As for my advanced age (and geriatric status once the last kid is out of the house), well... a couple of years either way won't make a difference anyway. My youngest just turned two. So I'll only be tacking on an extra few years of "kids in the house" time. Big deal. And besides... you never know with kids. Some leave at 18 and never come back. Others are still living with their parents at 30 years old. It'll be fine.

As for handling three kids instead of two, I actually read a lot of blogs of moms who had three kids. A lot said that adding the third was a breeze. I still worry about how we'll handle public outings (it's said it goes from man-on-man defense to zone defense), but once the baby is really moving about, the elder one will really be older and more responsible. So it all evens out, I think.

I didn't have a choice in my scenario. It was part of a bigger plan, I guess. But I still went through a lot of the same issues/thoughts that you're having. And, in the end, I've realized that another baby to love--another member of our family--will be a complete and utter blessing. How could it be anything else?

IBelieveInAngels February 13th, 2013 07:54 AM

Re: Lurker - with a question????
Hello friend,

WOW---you're so in my head! LOL! We have two kids--one boy one girl, 5 & 3---and there are times when I'm like "well, that's it"...but honestly, DH & I do want more. I'm also a SAHM mom who does small jobs to make extra money but we do live primarilly on DH's paycheck too. Maybe it's because I grew up as a VERY surprise BFP myself and had no siblings, maybe it's because I loved being pregnant (I was blessed with two uneventful easy pregnancies), or maybe it's because well---I just don't have one major reason why I still have baby hopes---I think of the age gap, my age (which isn't a big thing for me as my mom was 38 when I was born, but it's still a consideration and I would be lying to say any different) and finances too-- but as naive as this may sound-- we feel if we're blessed with another pregnancy that we'll handle it beautifully as it will be a gift :). I've heard of SO many people who tossed their stuff--clothes, crib etc---well (sheepish grin:blush: ) I kept *everything* just in case, LOL.

Writergurl--congrats mama!!! Wow--what a time to find out, LOL! Too cool:D .

Practical vs Emotional---WHEW---what a battle royalle! I have very personal reasons that if I post them, would come across as patronizing (which is NOT my intent EVER) as to why I lean more to the emotional side of things, especially on this...I'll just say for myself I'm going to go for it---there won't be designer clothes, expensive vacations or spur of the moment trinkets because budget wise it won't be feasible, but I see my riches on the other side of that proverbial coin with the beautiful souls I have and may be adding to---& if that somehow helps you, then cool :) ....I really do understand and sympathize...(((BIGTIME HUGS)))

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