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-   -   Where are you at in your healing? (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f256-recurrent-miscarriage-and-pregnancy-loss/1243527-where-you-your-healing.html)

beck12 September 20th, 2008 12:42 AM

I know many of us are in very different places right now. Some are dealing with very recent losses, other are TTC, some are pg & others are busy with their miracle babies....

So where are YOU in this - how are you coping right now?

MountainMomma September 20th, 2008 03:43 AM

I'm TTC again, and feeling very hopeful. Even though my most recent loss is still fairly fresh (Aug. 7), it didn't hit me quite as hard as the others did, and my cycle came back immediately. I also already had an appointment with the OB/GYN scheduled to discuss my problems, so when he referred me immediately to an RE that gave me things that needed to be done to keep my mind off the loss. I still grieved the loss. I guess saying it didn't hit me as hard as the others isn't accurate. I just moved through the grief process much quicker. I went through in days or weeks what took me months the first time. I cried more the first few days than I did in weeks and weeks with the others. It just seemed to move faster.

I'm at a point now where it still hurts, but I have to look forward and move forward. If I looked back any more I think the grief would swallow me entirely.

ftnjn September 20th, 2008 05:51 AM

Everything is Fresh right now since I'm pregnant, I am looking forward to getting past the first trimester.

ShannonMVT September 20th, 2008 08:59 AM

I'm in a new place for me. I'm pregnant with what appears to be a healthy baby and feeling good about that. But yesterday was Thomas' first angelversary (still have to do a post about that) so my joy is mixed in with grief. I love this new baby but I still wish my first had had a chance. :(

AliciaF September 20th, 2008 11:15 AM

I don't really know. I just miscarried on Thursday. I'm sad about that but it didn't hit me nearly as hard as losing Clark at 20 weeks. It's really hard to be ttc AGAIN when I've had 2 chances at it in the last 6 months and have lost both. I should still be pregnant with Clark and that is what hurts.

Deb September 20th, 2008 11:20 AM

Most of the time I do well but I'm struggling right now. We were TTC again, but overall I've had 4 losses now - 3 in October. So I am back to WTTC because I don't even want an October BFP. It's hard during this time of year not to think about the babies that could have been. And TTC is not a joyful journey to me, so we've decided to take off til the beginning of the year because quite honestly I don't want to deal with it during the holidays. And I will be 35 in January, so my clock is ticking loud and clear.

beck12 September 20th, 2008 11:28 PM

I am all mixed up right now. I really thought I had some to a place that was very at peace with it all...and for the most part I think I have. Then we start talking about TTC again & it brings up all kinds of emotions I forget are still there just beneath the surface. I really want more children & like Deb - I am not getting any younger (almost 34)...so I know I need to try again soon if we are going to do this - since I don't have years & years to go and I don't know how long it may take to get another full term pg. Then I also think about everything the losses took out of me before & now with Jonah & my niece moving in, I wonder if i have enough left over to deal with whatever may come. I don't know if I do or not - and that is hard for me. I think it is one of those things that I cannot know if I can deal with it until I step into that arena. So I think we probably will very soon - I just am not positive when & I am not sure how many times we are willing to try this time. In the meantime I have noticed already that just talking about TTC has made crying more o fa regular thing in my life again. Not an every day kind of thing - but more common than it has been in recent months - and I am certain that is at the center of why I am more emotional.

plan4fate September 21st, 2008 12:11 AM

my post got lost :(

I'm at a standstill in my healing. I've come to terms with losing the boys, but I saw their dad tonight at Walmart, and the little guy I'm looking after (who is just a bit younger than my boys would have been) calls me Mum all at the same time. Can you say OW?

But I'm dealing with my 2nd loss poorly. Probably because we haven't hit her EDD yet. Its super raw. It feels weird to be sitting on my exercise bike trying to slim down rather than being happy to be super fat (I should be 31 weeks today) ... almost like betrayal to her.

Doesn't help that I'm single either......baby fever when you're single sucks!

ftnjn September 21st, 2008 06:42 AM

Beck, for the longest time I wanted to be one of those women who didn't know they were pregnant until they delivered. It's really hard Trying after a loss and worrying about it happening again.
You aren't old we are about the same age.

ShannonMVT September 21st, 2008 09:31 AM

Lots of :dothug: to all you ladies.

Beckie, I'm sorry TTC has to be so worrysome for you. :( I wish your problem was something you could "fix" so that you would not have any more losses.

mary30 September 21st, 2008 03:03 PM

Groovy Mama.... We are both alike !!! Not that it is good or anything,but I have had three miscarriages in Septmeber. If I do not get pregnant before January i will wait until next september. I will not be pregnant during this month. This is not a good month for us.

For me I am stilling waiting my my first cycle after my miscarriage. I keep going back in forth in my mind "do I want to get pregnant again " I have three beautiful children already. can I go through the pain of another loss. I know I am strong and I know that we will try again soon. It is just hard. I was doing so good this last pregnancy. Only gainging 6 lbs . Oh well I guess.

fairy9800 September 22nd, 2008 07:04 AM

I'm on a break from TTC though we aren't preventing either.

I've noticed the last couple of days that I am getting the yearning deep inside to go 100% into TTC again. I think it has to do with the fact that my second due date is tomorrow.

auntmeme September 22nd, 2008 09:05 AM

I have been doing ok. Today sucks....I should be 40w pg today. Not a good day for me...

Besides today...I am ok. I could have typed Beckie's post. That is me. Although DH and I decided to TTC after Syd was a yr old, it was not an easy decision. And....when we decided to TTC we were already pg. This last pg was an "OMG, I am PG!!!". We were not TTC, but not preventing either. Hit us by surprise.

We will TTC again....when, I am not sure.

4iris September 22nd, 2008 09:13 AM

I'm in a pretty "settled" place. I know we're done TTC, even had DH snipped last Nov. I know why we lost our angels, so that helped a lot with my healing. The only thing that still really bothers me is AF. She's much worse now than she used to be and I'm actually waiting to hear back from the nurse to see if we can do anything about it (can't take meds/IUD, so those aren't options for me). Because AF is much worse, it's almost a monthly reminder of my first (natural) loss - almost exactly - and that's been a little rough. But overall, I'm settled and moving forward.

Gaby&Emmy'sMama September 22nd, 2008 03:00 PM

.... at this stage, I feel that I am healed from 3 of my 4 losses.... the only one I still have some problems with is my ectopic pregnancy.... I am definately a lot more healed than I was 3 months ago, but am not as healed as my other losses

mom2njia September 27th, 2008 04:32 PM

I am back at the beginning after having another loss. I feel like I have dealt with the loss last July and the loss/blighted ovum this May. I am not sure I will ever get over Kai's death entirely. This loss (still happening now) is still raw. And all of the losses bring back the feelings of losing Kai.

VegasMom September 28th, 2008 08:04 AM

I am in a good place. I am done TTC, we have two great boys and 7 angels and that's enough for us. Now that I work in the ER I see patients weekly who are there because of m/c and know there is no way I could go through that again so it's best to end it here.

HippyMomOf4 October 11th, 2008 12:30 PM

I'm doing pretty well actually, my two EDD just passed and that was of course a very hard time for me, but i made it through and i'm just trying to focus on my two girls! Isis started preschool so that helped me focus more on that then my losses. We are planning IUI for December since the RE seems to think i will get my sticky bean that way! I'm excited to find out the for sure plan October 27th!

DawnN October 11th, 2008 08:36 PM

I have my days when I wonder and think about what could have been. Sometimes out of the clear blue, something will hit me and I'll tear up. But I'm enjoying my two miracle babies here on earth. We are done ttc. I had thought about one more, but with our ages and all, dh and I have decided to not ttc again. We are blessed with Sarah and Benjamin.

esparando para bebé November 24th, 2008 11:39 AM

Right now, I'm kind of in Limbo. I have ok days, not-so-good days, and horrible days. I'm really not looking forward to the holidays this year.

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