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-   -   Still roughing it (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f256-recurrent-miscarriage-and-pregnancy-loss/236733-still-roughing.html)

beck12 June 25th, 2006 07:22 PM

I seem to be stuck in this funk.

I have cried more this weekend than I have in months. It's not the crazy cry - sobbing & all. It's more like weeping - just leaky eyes that won't stop.

I hate it. I want to feel better. I am trying - maybe I just need some down time maybe. Maybe I am trying to let it all out while I am in a "safe" place - where I have Joel - and all day to be nice to me.

I really can't say. I don't want to go out on the road for work this week. I really don't feel up to it. :confused: I don't have any choice though really. I feel like i need massages & bubble baths & candles & lovin' all week & to wear pj's all day & eat chocolate & pizza....and watch old movies. I am supposed to get af any day here & although all of that sounds like typical af stuff - it isn't normal for me. Normal for me is loss of appetite - short fuse & cramping - none of which do I seem to have...yet. <_< If this is all that witch's doing I'm quite pissed at her really. It was a beautiful weekend & I just couldn't get into it at all. I am tired of feeling so terdy. I thought one night was bad - but it has become the whole weekend...and I have had brief moments of snapping out of it - but htey are brief. :(

Herewego June 25th, 2006 08:00 PM

:dothug: :dothug: :dothug: :dothug: :dothug: :wub:

I'm sorry Beck! Everyday is a struggle for me too. In fact I quit my job last week. -_- Probably shouldnt have done that.. but I felt that they deserved better than I could give right now.

Know that you arent alone and that you are in my thoughts and prayers quite often!

Kiwi*Mummie*of*4 June 25th, 2006 09:09 PM

Im so sorry. :dothug: :dothug: :dothug:

Rina42308 June 25th, 2006 10:11 PM

Hey sweets, I know those funk stuck days all too well...remember this will pass. Sometimes I think we need to let it out...we need to have these kinds of days...multiples in a row because in comparison to our pain in our hearts, a few off days is a drop in the bucket.
Let yourself feel...don't think of what's to come tomorrow, it makes you forget about today adn the time you have now...in this moment...time you could be eno\joying, even if it's spend sulking in a warm tub of water or cuddling with those kitties (or Joel :)...
Be kind to you.
Much love now and always,

4iris June 26th, 2006 08:40 AM

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I haven't had to travel much for work, so when I do it always makes me more emotional. And that was all before my losses, so I'm sure it compounds after that. It's hard to be away from your comforts when that's what you need most. Hopefully you can find a way to relax while you're traveling, get in some time for yourself. We'll be here for you whenever you get a chance to check in.

Nykoal June 26th, 2006 08:51 AM


I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I see myself heading into that and I don't want to go there, but it happens to everyone at some point (at least that's what I've noticed).

Like Norina said, this will pass, but it's so hard to see the other side through the clouds. I hope you took the bubble bath and ate the pizza and chocolate. Try to sneak some time for yourself...you deserve it!

beck12 June 26th, 2006 08:55 PM

Thanks so much fo rhte support. I wish I could tell you I was feeling all better - but not quite. I am doing a bit better though & we'll see how I do over this trip. I am planning to be as nice as I can to me & I have even packed a couple candles...I think I could use some tea lights in the bathroom without setting off any smoke alarms - but I will double check with the front desk before I do.

I'll be in touch while on the road & I will be back hme on Friday - so I will just focus on that if it stinks. :rolleyes:

Thanks again!

srs June 26th, 2006 09:01 PM

Some of the best grieving I did after mc #1 was in a hotel room on a work trip. It helped that it was at the beach, but I just sat in my room at 3am and listened to the ocean and cried, that same kind of crying that you're talking about. I hope you find peace.

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