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-   -   What do I do???? (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f256-recurrent-miscarriage-and-pregnancy-loss/240740-what-do-i-do.html)

tang17 June 30th, 2006 10:40 AM

Well my friend hear her baby's heart beat today....I shoould feel happy for her and all I feel is angry....I am so upset why these things only happen to me....miscarriage and not being aboe to have a child? Well you know what I mean! Now there is a stagette tonight for one of our other friends and I am debating going, cause all I will hear all night is about her...and her baby heartsbeat! Am I a cruel person? What would you ladies do?

4iris June 30th, 2006 12:37 PM

Tough call. Any way to go, but hang out with other friends instead of the pg one? If there's no way to stay separate, then do what will make you most comfortable. I'm sure they'll understand if you need to bow out.

beck12 June 30th, 2006 05:36 PM

I now only do what I want to do .... period. Some call it selfish - I call it self preservation. Right now my heart & soul are on survival mode & anything that I think may be a trigger - I just avoid & you know what? It's been soooo much better after this last mc than the previous. I used to push myself to do things I was uncomfortable with, to see people I didn't want to see, etc. I don't know why. I don't know why I felt so obligated...all of them had moved on, forgotten & expected me to do the same. Well I haven't - I probably never will completely. I want others to have their lives & I don't want to be a downer, but I certainly will not put myself to be in a position where it causes me more pain & discomfort so they'll be "glad I came". Big deal. If you loved me truly, you'd be glad I was taking care of myself...that's what I think anyway...but I am a terd sometimes. :P I'm never quite sure if I'm giving good advice, or just promoting my bad behavior...but it is what helps me feel okay.

srs June 30th, 2006 08:55 PM


I'm never quite sure if I'm giving good advice, or just promoting my bad behavior...but it is what helps me feel okay.[/b]
Of course it's good advice! I would second it - if you are going to be more unhappy be trying to make other people happy, then it's not worth it. On the other hand, if you truly want to see everyone, and can handle the possibility of a night of hb discussion (which I know I couldn't), then go for it.

tang17 July 1st, 2006 11:39 AM

Thanks Beck and everyone else...I wish Beckie you lived near me I think we would be good friends......I have decided to stay away from my friend that is pregnant....I know that this may sound bad but I am soooo sick of listening to her ######, she really does not care about me at all I saw that last night....I did go after it wasn't that bad, but my friend makes a point to make feel bad all the time......I am really sick of trying to be the better person it gets old, so I have decided to stay away from her...I wish her the best in her pregnacy but I just cannot listen to her anymore.....I realized last night that maybe I am the one that considers her a friend more than she considers me a friend...I think she just feels bad for me in ways that is why she calls ever now and then.....I am a good person, and I need friends that enjoy me for me...that is why sometimes in life you have to get rid of the dead baggage and start over...... I want to thank you all for listening...you guys really support me in ways I really need sometimes....Thanks again Everyone.......

Rina42308 July 2nd, 2006 05:50 PM

tang- I am proud of you for coming to what sounds like a healthy realization for yourself. i am in a similar predictament. My Dh's best friend's wife is pg and she is so self absorbed and inconsiderate...I can't stand her! I am trying to be happy for them but just resolved that I can't be. I am still mourning the losses of my babies and can not be there for her through this...and that does not make me a bad person...it makes me normal. Thursday she saw her hb for her baby too...I knew she had an appt and I hate to say thsi but when DH told me they saw the hb, felt disappointed. I know it's not "right" but it's just how I feel...sometiems I wish someone in real life "got me" ya know? But oh well...she'll go on and have her dumb ol baby..LOL <_< and I'll focus on recovering from surgery and have mine someday....I'll try my best to stay away from ehr as well. good luck to you in doing that too!

beck12 July 3rd, 2006 05:53 PM

I thought a little more on your post & I really think you are right. In life we only have so much energy. there are a finite number of hours to the day, days in week, etc. We need to truly surround ourselves with those that help lift us up. I had a friend that was more like a leach than a friend & I had to cut things off (long before hte mc's). I did so because I sat down & calculated how much time (on average) per week was sucked up by her needs & drama. It was more than I should be willing to waste. Time is precious & so are those people you find in this world that are worth your time. Hoard you time wisely & spend it in ways that either help you & those you love or help the world as a whole. Anything else is just a drain on your energy. You are a good person, probably a great friend & you deserve bette rout of a friendship than to question the other person's feelings for you particularly if you are feeling they feel sorry for you. You don't need her pity - you need compassion & caring. If she cannot offer that you probably are better off to let the relationship grow distance. I wish you all the best & anytime you happen to be in my area - come on over for coffee ;) We don't have to live next door to be good friends... :wub:

Nykoal July 4th, 2006 11:22 AM

I couldn't agree more with what has already been said. I've also learned to keep my emotional state my #1 concern and have learned to ignore how that might appear. At the end of the day I have to process everything and wake up the next morning.

After the 1st loss I tried to join life again and attended events that I didn't want to go to and tried to appear happy, yet inside it was so hard and I was an emotiona wreck. This time I've turned things down and haven't felt the need to give an explanation. My friends know what has happened and if they can't understand why I'm not around that's their issue...not mine.

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