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-   -   Dwindling hope (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f256-recurrent-miscarriage-and-pregnancy-loss/2657365-dwindling-hope.html)

geogeek June 9th, 2013 05:29 PM

Dwindling hope
Well, it seems like my hope is just getting lower and lower. I am afraid that I had yet another chemical pregnancy this last cycle. Since I am not pregnant right now, we are forced to not TTC next cycle as I will be 2 states away from DH when I am fertile. I know that I have it a lot better than some women. I am just angry that I am going through this whole process again. My SIL is pregnant and due in November. I should have been due before her. My hope for another rainbow is dwindling. I am starting to think that with all the chemicals, something is wrong genetically as well as something wrong physiologically with me. It almost seems like Marsi was a fluke. I don't know that I will be ready to try when I get back from MO.

Sunrise June 11th, 2013 09:01 AM

Re: Dwindling hope
I'm so sorry you feel like this. I hope this next cycle off brings you peace. --hugs--

lelila June 11th, 2013 10:30 AM

Re: Dwindling hope
Yep. I'm rowing in circles in your boat right with you hun. And next to our boat is your SIL and my SIL in their big beautiful cruise liner with their big pregnant bellies and their big glowing faces, soaking up all sorts of attention, talking about shopping for cribs, planning their showers, taking about the babies moving, rubbing their bellies, completely oblivious to the fact that there are people right next to them mourning their loss every second of every day.

I stopped charting. I stopped temping. I stopped OPKs and POASing. I've pretty much given up at this point. I've gotten to the point where I almost wish I hadn't gotten pregnant the last two times, because the pain of loss is worse than the pain of not getting pregnant at all every cycle.

DH and I are just enjoying each other for who we are and are thankful for our son, who we regard as a miracle and accept now as the only child we are going to have.

plan4fate June 12th, 2013 05:24 AM

Re: Dwindling hope

My Nephew is Due August 27th.... I was due at the beginning of August so I'm right there with you.

We don't know what we want to do ttc wise. DH feels Reme was a fluke (he's a birth control baby, and a preemie) and that he's not sure it willl happen again.. not easily at least. My body seems to not want to be pregnant since it O's before or after each trip to see DH by just enough time that conception isn't possible. *sigh*

Sunrise June 12th, 2013 07:57 AM

Re: Dwindling hope
Hope: I know you're in a bad place. And mostly it's best to roll around in that play ground together. But I want to offer up a thought.

A lot fertility issues are "subfertility" not sterility. You have all gotten pregnant. Which means you CAN. The mystery is why aren't the pregnancies continuing. And for that, there is hope. Keep modifying. Keep searching for answers. Keep looking for another provider, one that will listen to you. Keep trying. Subfertility means eventually, it will work. Maybe with a little help. Maybe further down the road than you had planned.

I have hope for you.
I'm sorry this is a dark time.

(Please don't see this as mean or rude. It comes from a compassionate place. I understand feeling down. And when I'm down, I wish someone would say anything (realistic) to boost me up. So this is where I'm coming from. A place of love for ladies suffering the heartbreak of multiple loss.)

MarchMom2007 June 12th, 2013 09:25 AM

Re: Dwindling hope
Right there with you. I just started spotting today and when I took a test, it is much lighter. This will be my third loss since last October. I feel so broken. Huge hugs to you and all mamas who must endure this pain.

*JenJen* June 12th, 2013 09:04 PM

Re: Dwindling hope
*hugs* I'm so sorry Rachel. I'm in the same boat. We're starting to wonder if we even should TTC at all.

Happy Song June 17th, 2013 10:50 AM

Re: Dwindling hope
I am so sorry... but fertility is such a fickle thing. Agin I had ten years and two adoptions before I got my first daughter. Then seven more uears before my second daughter. In the last five years I have been pregnant eight times, with four losses, on a in the second trimester. I understand how hard it is, but I also know that out of the clear blue sky rainbows do come. My thoughts and prayers are with you Rachel and to all our friends on this board.

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