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-   -   Mad @ DH (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f198-stillbirth/1756735-mad-dh.html)

KatieBunny October 31st, 2009 10:46 AM

Mad @ DH
We had our accident last Sunday, And the more I think about it, the more used to the idea I get, I'm not exactly 'hoping' for an accident, but I wouldn't mind if it did turn out I was pregnant already if you understand what I'm saying.

I get sick off of bc pills every month, I guess it's the active ones, they make me sick to my stomach for days on end every month. So, I suggested to DH that I either try a different method or don't try anything at all and go for the natural bc methods, and if anything happens, so be it.

He said have you considered a tubal, or me having a vasectomy? I told him no because I would like to try for a little girl around Kaden's 1 year mark. He said 'Is it really so bad being a one child family?'

I don't know about you ladies, but after losing my first, I have decided that I want at least 3 kids, I want to fill my house with all the love and affection that I never got to give to Keegan, if we have more, I'm fine with that too as long as they are spaced out, because I love having Kaden, he is my whole world but he's not all I want. I want to one day have my arms around as many of my babies as I can fit.

We had discussed this before and he agreed, but now, all of a sudden, he wants a vasectomy?

Only wants one kid?

I'm just hurt. I am willing to sacrifice my well being to get my babies here. Because all my pregnancies aren't going to be easy. Every time I ever decide to have a baby, it will be cerclage and bedrest. I will always have to deal with an incompetent cervix, it will be my burden forever, but I am willing to go through to procedure and the pain that comes along with both the placement and removal, because I will always feel cheated.

He said he doesn't want to go through it again. I just really feel hurt that he would think I'm ready at the age of 22 to get my tubes tied, that he would never want the joy of watching our precious baby wiggling on ultrasound, and getting the excitement o learning what it is, and that first wonderful moment where they place them in your arms and you just know it's meant to be, you find total peace with the world and this overwhelming surge of love and closeness to your new family. I want it all.

BakingMommy October 31st, 2009 12:20 PM

Re: Mad @ DH
I think he is opening his mouth way too soon. Especially seeing as how he is going against his previous word on an issue that is hugely important in marriage. Trust me...I know what it's like, just not in the baby arena.

But anyways...I think since you JUST had a live baby, dealing with all of the newborn stress and after watching you go through a loss and then a difficult pregnancy he is feeling overwhelmed by the idea of another pregnancy. I think if you tell him about how he has suddenly changed his mind and that you have not and that you aren't saying HEY LET'S TRY AGAIN RIGHT NOW just saying you want to try different contraception and when you guys conceive again you conceive again he can think it through another time. I would also make it very clear you have not changed your mind...and that you do want another 2 babies (or however many you would like). And explain to him that losing Keagan really played a role in your deciding you want more than one child.

One of you will have to compromise but I sort of think he just changed his mind recently probabaly because he suddenly thinks it'd be too stressful. But if you haven't gotten pregnant again from your accident by the time you conceive again things will have calmed down and he may be more apt to return to his old decision, kwim?

I agree with you though...I've always wanted 4 or 5 kids and I still do especially after losing Roald.

MeganMomof5 October 31st, 2009 12:59 PM

Re: Mad @ DH
I don't have much advice, but please don't do anything you'll regret (tubes tied etc)....You guys are still young, and minds will probably be changed in time...I'm 29 with 4 living children and I still wouldn't ever get my tubes tied...We talked about my husband getting a vasectomy for years, but i'm not ready for that....Don't do anything final till you are FOR SURE with no doubts....Just give it time and i'm sure his mind will change, it's hard in the newborn stages.

LaLaLa1 October 31st, 2009 08:12 PM

Re: Mad @ DH
Maybe right now you DH is just so overwhelmed because you have a newborn and just the thought of going through more babies with sleepless nights again and again is just too much for him to even think about at the moment...and knowing that you will have to get a cerclage and be on bedrest it could just be too much for him to think about. I'm sure with time he'll come around and once Kaden is a bit older, he'll want to do it all over again. (I could be wrong...but it is still early for him to probably think about it).

rebeccabaltimore and more October 31st, 2009 08:55 PM

Re: Mad @ DH
People react to grief in strange ways some times. Most peoples reactions are fluid, they change over time. It's infuriating now, but he will probably have a different opinion in a few months. :dothug:

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