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-   -   help need advice new on here had a stillborn baby (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f198-stillbirth/2547235-help-need-advice-new-here-had-stillborn-baby.html)

amyjoanne1 July 9th, 2012 07:16 AM

help need advice new on here had a stillborn baby
Hi, my baby girl was stillborn 4 weeks ago and I feel like crap! I went into labour on the Friday dinner time, I was 40 + 3 days went to hospital Friday evening for them to tell us her heartbeat had stopped, I didn't have a clue, she had been moving that day and I just can't understand what happened. My pregnancy was fine all the way through. I am desperate to try for another baby but I am so scared it will happen again. We haven't had our 6 week appointment yet as its only been 4 week but I am wanting to try again already. It's not that I want to forget about my baby girl but I feel like I need a baby. its so unfair, 2 of my friends are pregnant and my sister in law is too and I am so angry with them as there babies will be fine. I just don't know what to do!

I had a 2 and a half yr old daughter too I am keeping busy with her but I still feel so alone

claire1979 July 9th, 2012 07:30 AM

Re: help need advice new on here had a stillborn baby
Firstly im so very sorry for the loss of your baby girl (())

Secondly im sorry to have to welcome you here, although its warm arms that i do.

The yearn to hold a baby after a loss is emence i felt the same (())

Im Claire one of the hosts here on the board i lost a baby girl Jessica in june 2005, she passed due to the cord around her neck 3 times.
Its still very raw for you i wont even begin to say that you get over it because honestly you never do, ok althou in time its become easier to live with. My heart aches everyday for Jessica something it will do with every breath.

This board is fantastic and the ladies are a tower of strength please stick around and we will support you however we can ((()))

Also when your are ready we'd love to hear about your baby girl, what did you name her? (if you are ready to share?)

noworries July 9th, 2012 09:11 AM

Re: help need advice new on here had a stillborn baby
I am so incredibly sorry about your baby girl.
What you are feeling is completely normal. Like Claire said, this is something that you never get over but with time, you learn to live with the pain and find your new normal. We are here for you when you need to vent, scream, cry, etc. Check with your local hospitals and see if they offer a grief support group for people who have experienced miscarriage/stillbirth/infant death. It might help you to just be able to talk to others and also to hear from them.

I'm Carrie, my son Eli was stillborn in August 2009.

BlessednHighlyFavored July 9th, 2012 11:11 AM

Re: help need advice new on here had a stillborn baby
Hi I am Rettak and mywas stillbirth in sep 2011. I named him Napoloeon III and his nickname is Blessing. Like you I was told I had a perfect pregnancy. I went in the day before I was scheduled to be induced and was tld the was no heartbeat. Here I am 10 months later and still no reason as to why this had to happen. I also wnt to let you know that is normal to want to let you know it is normal to want another baby so soon. I was in the hospital feeling this and I felt so bad. But I jsut wanted to let you know that if you need to talk or anything I definately here to talk.

BabieBeat July 9th, 2012 02:45 PM

Re: help need advice new on here had a stillborn baby
First off ~ I would like to say how sorry I am to hear of your precious loss. It is surely the most devastating situation to have to endure and there are no words to ease the pain. The path becomes a little less rocky as time goes on but the valleys and peaks remind us of the long soulful journey we all must make. My first Granddaughter was born still at 36.6 weeks due to torsion of the umbilical cord ~ not a true knot or nuchal cord but delivers the same devastation and heartache.

According to Dr. Jason Collins of The Pregnancy Institute in New Roads, LA, stillbirth mothers are 5 - 10 more likely to have a recurrent stillbirth ~ so you will be considered a high risk pregnancy when you are pregnant (if you are not considered high risk ~ find a new healthcare team). My daughter in law was monitored during her second pregnancy from 28 weeks onward by Dr. Collins using daily home fetal heart rate monitoring in conjunction with their own OB. All went very well and Jacks was born on June 14th, 2010!!!

So ~ what do you do when you become pregnant after you have had a precious stillbirth??? Don’t ever hesitate to call your doctor, midwife or health care team with any questions and concerns you may have ~ they are there to educate and inform you ~ that’s their job!!! And, always trust your gut.

Become your expected baby's "guardian". New research advises you start sleeping on your left side!!! Begin by making sure the heart, umbilical cord and placenta are visualized for normal construction and placement at 20 weeks on the anatomy scan and begin a daily journal of baby's moments at this time. Insist on an additional ultrasound around 28 weeks to check the umbilical cord and placenta as I have mentioned above. If there is no problem, do your kick counts. If there is a problem, work with your health care team for a close monitoring solution such as frequent ultrasounds, measuring Estimated Placental volume (EPV), daily home fetal rate heart home monitoring and Fetal Non Stress Tests, etc. Begin kick counting now @ 28weeks every evening and remember a change in baby's movements such as speeding up or slowing down, changes in sleep-wake cycles and differences in mobility tendencies could be the sign of a compromised baby. Don't ever hesitate to voice your questions and concerns to your healthcare team, and request additional ultrasounds during this pregnancy!!!

Infections play a major tole in loosing our babies before birth and shortly thereafter. Check out the websites for Group B Strep (GB) and CMV. Become educated, proactive and vigilant; now you will be empowered.

Your baby may experience “hiccups” which will first be noticed as soft, regular, rhythmic movements in the same place. As your pregnancy progresses, they will feel stronger and will eventually feel like hiccups except in your abdomen!!! Your baby’s hiccups should decrease as your pregnancy advances. Past 30 weeks your baby should not have hiccups every day. If your baby has daily hiccups, hiccups lasting longer than 15 minutes, or hiccups occurring more than 3 – 4 times in 24 hours, your baby should be evaluated for umbilical cord issues.

Just like mammograms and colonoscopies are prevention for the masses, getting to know your baby's movements is imperative. Empowering moms to ask simple questions, be proactive and learn how to be their expected baby's "guardian" will help to ensure a happy, healthy and hearty delivery day. Become educated, proactive and vigilant and you will be empowered...xo

Ben,Logan&Kaitlin'sMommy July 11th, 2012 04:43 AM

Re: help need advice new on here had a stillborn baby
I am so sorry for the loss of your little girl ((HUGS))

Like Claire said earlier, the need/want for a baby after a loss is very strong and I felt the same way - I wanted another little one after I lost Rebecca. and 18 months later I gave birth to a boy.

My name is Jennifer, I am one of the hosts for this board - I lost my first daughter in 2003 at 27 weeks for unknown reasons.

I was told that I could try once I felt up to trying - I was never given a time frame - but every doctor is different.

Each pregnancy after Rebecca, I was considered high risk and monitored closely. I am now the mom to three more children and I love them with all my heart but their big sister is always on my mind!

MeganMomof5 July 17th, 2012 10:41 AM

Re: help need advice new on here had a stillborn baby
I'm really sorry for your loss (((hugs)))

liza17 September 10th, 2012 11:24 PM

Re: help need advice new on here had a stillborn baby
Jan 2011 I lost my baby boy at 37wks due to cord around his neck....Right away I wanted to try to have another baby. But only became pregnant 6 months later. It was the longest and sadest 6 months of my life. Sometimes it takes up to a year to get pregnant again due to hormonal imbalance. That was my case. So my pregnancy was extremly depressing even though I really wanted it I was so scared it was going to happen again. March 12-2012 I had my rainbow baby. I love him to death. Due to all the grief my relationship is failing and I believe I might have pospartum depression. I also believe it takes 2 years to get over depressing situations so I promised myself not to get a divorce during this hard time. Even with 2 living boys its hard to be truely happy. I miss my happy days. It does take time to heal.Years.

SerenitysMom September 14th, 2012 09:22 PM

Re: help need advice new on here had a stillborn baby
I am sorry for your loss. It's something no women or family should have to go through. I experienced my first still birth at 33 weeks. Twins my son is a happy 3 year old boy. But, I can't imagine how hard it would be on him as he grows older.

I was told my daughter heart stopped beating at 32 weeks gestation they couldn't find two heartbeats on the non stress test than ordered ultrasound and found out that she was already gone. And, I almost lost my son ontop of it because they didn't want to induce claiming there was only 1% that he would go too. But, next day he was choking himself with his cord. They induced and I went naturally.

The week before we found out it was aging to placenta that caused her to pass. As well as autopsy showing major thrombi to placenta everything else was fine and my clotting blood worked showed normal.

It is normal to want to try after that is up to you on when you think you are ready and when you are given the okay. I am sorry to have heard you have an angel up there. I have you and family in prayers.

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