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-   -   Yesterday wasn't what it was supposed to be (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f198-stillbirth/2702532-yesterday-wasnt-what-supposed-to.html)

ChristiR January 9th, 2014 02:56 PM

Yesterday wasn't what it was supposed to be
Yesterday was the day I was scheduled to deliver our sweet baby boy via csection. We should be soothing our babies cries, breastfeeding, changing diapers, and deciding what clothes he would wear out of the tons I bought in my excitement. This miracle baby that we prayed so hard for, should be in our arms and we should be basking in the glow of our newborn.

Our reality: Gryffin would be two weeks old today. And instead of choosing clothes and trying to remember which side I nursed on last, all we are left with if choosing what to adorn our precious baby's headstone with. We are so angry at the world right now. People can say all they want that things happen for a reason. We don't give a d*mn about what the reason was. We just don't care. All we want is our baby. The one thing we can never have, our sweet baby Gryiffin. Its so very hard, and so very frustrating. Trying to maintain some normalcy for our own sakes as well as the sake of our older children when all we want to do is fall apart, is difficult, but we must. We just don't understand. And the unfairness of it all just makes it hurt even more. We feel so angry and at a loss for the things and time that were stolen from us and Gryffin. I know we will make it, I know we will get thru to a better place eventually, but for now things are still so raw and open. A weeping wound that seems to big to ever close. We pray for peace and understanding, its just so hard and hurts so much.

Rainbow Momma January 9th, 2014 05:31 PM

Re: Yesterday wasn't what it was supposed to be
Im sooo sorry you've had to experience this, we are here for you! You will get through this but take as much time as you need to mourn and grieve.

liz bevan January 11th, 2014 11:03 PM

Re: Yesterday wasn't what it was supposed to be
I'm so sorry.
I know that this is a difficult time and you are right you will make it through this hard time. Our first was stillborn and he was our miracle as well. We tried for such a long time, only to lose him during labor.

Each day is a new day and each day there will be struggles.
I hate the saying everything happens for a reason.
I do not believe that.
Sending hugs to you

~Laurie~ February 22nd, 2014 07:38 PM

Re: Yesterday wasn't what it was supposed to be
I'm so sorry for your loss. It isn't fair and it isn't right, and while it may have happened for a reason (and by that I mean whatever caused the loss, not in a grand plan sort of way), that doesn't reduce the grief. It is a nonsensical platitude, so I hope you're not hearing it too much. People offer so many ridiculous and painful phrases as a form of comfort when all they really need to say is 'I'm sorry for your loss'. I have always tried to ignore the words and look at the intent, but that is often a tall order.

I wish you peace, although I'm not sure there is any way to understand stillbirth. Take care. (hugs)

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