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-   -   What do you do on aniversaries of your babys birth? (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f198-stillbirth/527020-what-do-you-do-aniversaries-your-babys-birth.html)

luvnallmyboys April 4th, 2007 11:41 PM

Hi all. I'm sure this has been posted before, but everything I searched for turned up nothing. I was just wondering what, if anything, you all do on the aniversay of your babys birth year after year? My twins would have turned 3 this coming Saturday, and honestly I can't really think of anything to do for it. The first year Dh and I went away for the weekend, and last year we just went out for dinner and shopping in the city about 2 hours away from where we live. This year I'm nearing the end of a high risk pregnancy, so we can't really go away. I guess I just feel that each year it gets to be less and less of a big deal, and I never want it to be a day that we just mention in passing and don't do anything on.

I guess I'm also struggling with not wanting whatever we do to be forced and out of obligation. Of course there are days when I'm perfectly happy. Its been three years, I have a wonderful 19 month old, I'm getting a fourth son soon, I really am happy often. Of course there are also times when I can't sleep for being sad and missing them. If their birthday falls on a wonderful, happy time is it pointless to mourn them on that day out of obligation to the date? Are the times when I still don't see how I've lived without them sufficient to honor their memory?

Going along with that, how do you keep the memory of someone alive year after year when you don't have enough memories to begin with? Its not like we can just go out to dinner and talk about their likes and dislikes, or cute things they did.

I guess I should just be glad that I'm finally ok enough to be struggling with these questions. I know some of you lost your babies quite a while ago, please give me advise on how you handle things!

Ben,Logan&Kaitlin'sMommy April 9th, 2007 12:39 PM

1st year I cried alone
2nd year I cried alone
3rd year my friends supported me and I worked

I always put a memorial in the paper for her as well.

Brittanie April 9th, 2007 02:39 PM

I haven't had an anniversary yet, but it's coming up on May 2. We're planning on going up to Jenny Lake (the lake in my siggy), where we spread her ashes on the water. I'll take some irises (I really hope mine will have bloomed by then) to float out on the water. Irises were always the flowers that we took to the cemetaries when my family went on memorial day.

And we're going to have a big picnic up there with friends.

ojosmom April 10th, 2007 07:11 PM

You know, I haven't always been good about anniversaries and birthdays etc... (good for dh)... Part of me thinks everyday should be special. May 3rd will be Macy's angel anniversary birthday. Her first. I don't know what I will do but I would like to find a poem maybe for her daddy and grandparents and send it to them. Just something maybe in an email to share. But she is so happy and safe in heaven, I just can't stand the thought of being so sad on the day she went to live with Jesus. I would rather be sad on other days... Does that sound weird?

jhmomofmany April 11th, 2007 07:38 PM

But she is so happy and safe in heaven, I just can't stand the thought of being so sad on the day she went to live with Jesus. I would rather be sad on other days... Does that sound weird?

That doesn't sound strange to me at all. As sad as I am that we lost Hope, I know she is happier than I could ever have made her. :smile:

I like the idea of doing a memorial in the newspaper. Does anybody have suggestions on how to design one?

ojosmom April 13th, 2007 12:56 PM

The newspaper memorial is such a sweet idea it brings tears to my eyes. I'm not sure, but it is probably like putting a larger size add in the paper. I'm sure the paper could help with how to do it.

luvnallmyboys April 13th, 2007 07:39 PM

Thank you all for your replies. We really didn't do anything this year. It made me sad, but I really can't get up and do much, and honestly I just liked spending the day at home with DH and DS. I guess will restart doing something next year when I'll be able to go somewhere.

Owensmommy, I think that makes perfect sense. Its a wonderful way to look at things, just one I'm not good enough to make myself do.

The newspaper memorial sounds like a great idea. I know here the paper has a form to fill out, with plenty of space to write exactly what you want it to say. It sounds pretty easy, I'll probably try that next year. I'm just not sure if I could write something worthy of them!

grlpisces January 1st, 2009 07:39 PM

The day Noah was born sleeping, July 22 2008, is the same day that his sister has her birthday. I honestly have no idea how I will react on that day. I am almost afraid of facing that day.

SarahBethsMommy January 2nd, 2009 10:00 AM

I think everyone is afraid of facing the day their child passed. It's just so hard in so many ways. To have another child who you need to be "happy" for on that day is compounding the sadness.

I have a good friend whose twin daughters were born premature. Melissa died a few hours after her birth, but Ann Catherine is now 4 years old and doing great. She says that she wakes up extra early on that day to cry. She spends time writing a letter to Melissa and grieving before Ann Catherine wakes up. Then she says she tries to make the day all about Ann Catherine. They always do something as a family like releasing butterflies or balloons to remember Melissa, but otherwise the whole day is for Ann Catherine.

I don't know if that helps you in anyway. I'm sorry you can't just celebrate both your children's lives. It isn't in anyway fair!

On Bryan Luke's angelversary we bought real flowers and happy birthday balloon and put it on his grave. Then we went and purchased some books for the local NICU (where our daughter stayed after her birth) and took those up there. Then that evening we went back to the grave and our daughter released the balloon. It was a great day for us. Even through the sadness I was doing things to remember my son and help others too.

BakingMommy January 2nd, 2009 11:59 AM

You ladies have some great ideas! Like the memorial in the paper and I have always liked the idea of releasing balloons at the grave. My immediate family members are all planning to have a small birthday celebration at his grave for his first birthday Nov. '09. I have a shelf hanging on the wall that is his memorial shelf (with my memento box) and I plan on every year buying one of the Precious Moments Birthday Train figurines. I bought the one for a newborn baby (which is a baby bear on a caboose) and then every year I will buy the number for the age he would have been. They go to 16, but nothing 17 or older. Maybe that is a good idea someone else might like to use to commemorate their baby or babies.

My pastor's wife gave us a framed guardian angel portrait so we hung that up along with the letters that spell his name we had bought for his nursery over the shelf. I also got a really cute Precious Moments figure of a baby (who looks unisex) lying asleep on a cloud with a birdie watching over him that says "Safe In The Arms Of Jesus".


lunarmagic January 2nd, 2009 04:23 PM

I don't know yet. I was originally thinking about having a birthday party for him, but I don't know if I still feel like doing that.

*~Lissa~* January 2nd, 2009 05:21 PM

On Calypso's Birthday we had a birthday party last year. We had a balloon release and a cook out and a cake even. On her angel day I went to mass and lit her a candle and had a small dinner for her

dotcomkari January 5th, 2009 01:51 PM

Wow.. for me it has been almost 9 years, hard to believe.. it has been that much time, feels like yesterday...
but I always take flowers out to her grave.. and spend part of the day with her.. there by the lake.. I always write her a letter.. and basically.. spend the day remembering..

Gayle January 9th, 2009 06:03 AM

These are so beautiful ideas. I like the idea of having a "party" per say. I'm not sure what we will do since it will be our first, but I think the get together and releasing balloons for her. I have some time to prepare but it's always on my mind.

mrs mum February 7th, 2009 02:48 AM

i also like the ideas, we have a birthday cake for my son and we sing happy birthday, we go to the grave site clean hes grave and put fresh flowers on and a chocolate frog. i look in the box and read everything. it will be 10 years this august so im going to think of something special for that day.

lilflower February 9th, 2009 07:46 PM

I have been wondering what I'm going to do for the last week or so. This loss on the 26th of January jolted me into remembering that Noah's birthday and angelversary are coming in 2 short months. It's going to be so hard. I don't know what I'll do. He'd be one this year. It's so hard. I haven't been sleeping as well lately, because I've been thinking about it. I really like the paper idea. Maybe I'll just put an announcement in there or something. I'm sure it's not too expensive. And if it is...oh well I'll figure something out. Every month is hard when the DAY comes. The most terrible part is that my baby's birthday and angelversary is also on my wedding anniversary...how am I supposed to deal with that?

LaLaLa1 February 9th, 2009 09:49 PM


The most terrible part is that my baby's birthday and angelversary is also on my wedding anniversary...how am I supposed to deal with that?[/b]
I'm so sorry =( I hope you can manage to find some happiness on that day.

I'm in a similar situation, but not quite the same. Katrina's birthday / angelversary is 4 days before my birthday and 11 days before our wedding anniversary. It's all bundled up in a span of less than 2 weeks.

I already have a poem I wrote that I'm going to put in the newspaper memorials, we'll spend some time at her grave, and basically just honour her. It'll be a day just for her!!! I like the idea of releasing balloons also.

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