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sandmama February 9th, 2009 09:40 PM

your children to college? How do you handle sports/dance/music lessons?

I don't know very many people with large families. I am asking because we currently have 2 and are trying for #3. I was hoping for 2-3 more little ones and was hoping if they were spaced apart just right, we would be able to handle everything financially.

Well, a curve ball was thrown at me tonight. DH called to tell me his half-sister that we don't know very well, has had her 4 children taken away from her and put into state custody. Their parents have had a drug problem for many years.

FIL is thinking of trying to get custody of them and try to adopt them, but cannot take care of the two littlest ones who are between 1-3 years old.

We have waited 8 years to try to have another baby because we needed to make sure we could financially care for them all. I couldn't in my heart have more kids unless I knew that by having more wouldn't take away from the ones I had now, if that makes sence.

My heart says, yes try to get those kids and help them and do what is right, but my head says there is no way we could do this and have more of our own.

I am just so overwhelmed right now. Thanks for any advice:)

MotherFrog February 9th, 2009 10:38 PM

Being a mom of a large family isn't easy. Being a family means making sacrifices and taking chances.

If you feel in your heart that your DH's half sister's kids should stay in the family, then make your move. Personally, I would take them if I had the opportunity, the foster care system was pretty harsh for me. I hated it and I hated that no one in our family would let me stay with them. I am NOT trying to sway you to take them but that's my personal choice.

Maybe you can take them for a period of time that allows the mother and father to go through rehab and counseling. Then slowly work them back into the family home.

As for paying for college, you need to speak with a banker or an investment company. There are a lot of options for college funds. For sports/dance/music lessons there are ways to save on that. Music lessons are being started at earlier ages in school now, I know they start some beginner stuff here in 3rd grade. You'll have to see how much sport league cost in your area. I do know know of some parents here that were fed up with the costs of sports and started a pick up league for their kids.

I wish you the best of luck hun and welcome to the board.

just heard of a website called savingforcollege.com try that!

WishingStar February 11th, 2009 10:45 AM

I had to get loans to put myself through college, so did my dh. My mom barely helped me and dh's parents didn't help him. So, our kids can do the same thing. I'm sure we will help, but to what extent I don't know yet.

I would take the kids AND have more of my own. I know dh's brother almost had that happen a few years ago, but he had only 2 girls. The second I heard that child protective was going to get involved, I said we'd take them. It never happened. They cleaned up their act for the most part. But, I didn't give it a second thought. But, I also knew we'd definitely be having more.

We've got the house, the clothes, the toys. All that would be needed is food and college. College is something that they'll have to save for and pay for. Might sound harsh. But, that's how it is here.

sandmama February 11th, 2009 07:39 PM

Thank you to the both of you for your responses.

DH and I are currently talking to the state now about the kids. I know things will work our okay if we can get them, it was just such a shock when DH told me about it. We have never met any of their kids and haven't seen his sister in 9 years. I couldn't sleep that night, finally fell asleep by midnight and had the wackiest dream.

In my dream we had moved into this awful run down trailer looking house. It was filled with somebodies old furniture that was at least 30 years old in one room. Another room had garbage and junk in it, looked like someone had snuck in and was living there. As I was crying and trying to figure out what to do, DH took me to look at the rest of the house. All of a sudden there was an upstairs with 8 beds, all cozy and cute and nice. Plenty of toys and was the complete opposite of downstairs. I could feel myself getting happier and thinking, this isn't so bad, its okay and was actually the perfect house for us.

Totally weird, but enough so that when I woke up in the morning I knew what we had to do!

Thanks again,

MotherFrog February 11th, 2009 09:13 PM

lol sounds like my house!

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