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-   -   no IVF (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f74-trying-to-conceive-medical-assistance/1911017-no-ivf.html)

yarngirl March 16th, 2010 02:05 PM

no IVF
Argh! I'm going to just curl up and cry. So we went through all the testing and everything with the new RE because he thought it would be a good idea just to get another diagnosis and see what he thought -- even if we didn't want to do a third IVF.

He told us today that in his medical opinion I cannot benefit from IVF :cry: He said that I'd be better off to just keep trying naturally. He said that given how bad the quality of my embryos are, and that DH's tests are all great (including sperm fragmentation, etc.) it has to be my eggs. But with all the test results being good, he doesn't think a change in medications would do the trick. He said it would be just a roll of the dice and in his opinion, with all we have gone through, he doesn't think I should put myself through that. Instead, he would recommend either trying naturally or a few cycles of timed intercourse and clomid.

When DH pushed, he said that was how his "group" felt and they agreed that they wouldn't do IVF on me.

I didn't want to do a third but this is crushing. DH is convinced that they don't want to hurt their stats. Maybe. I don't know.

I left work and I'm curled in bed. I am not in a good space at all.

I'm sorry I haven't responded to PMs, I'm not in a good frame of mind.

*CAMM* March 16th, 2010 02:33 PM

Re: no IVF
oh hun, I am very sorry!!!

you and i had very similar ivf results (in terms of # of eggs, and embryo quality) and 2 other RE's told me the same thing, that I had no shot, I needed to give up, or move to donor eggs. i listened to them and gave up. Now that I've had Bryar I KNOW that those RE's were wrong..I KNOW that they just didnt want to deal with a 24yr old that couldnt get pregnant. Even after a 3rd failed IVF cycle I still know in my heart that those doctors were wrong..there isnt something horribly wrong with you or me that cant be fixed...we just need the right kind of doctor to fix us.

if you truly want to do another cycle Addie then find an RE that believes in you, take the appropriate measures to guard yourself against failure, but dont let these men and women dictate to you and your husband whether you will or wont have a child.

RE's are there to help us but their #1 motivation is money...infertility is a cash cow and we all know that, and the way to bring money in is high stats. maybe your RE truly is being kind by telling you not to cycle again, but to refuse to treat you is crap, its your decision, your money. There are many great doctors out there that can and will help you if you want.

im sorry..went off on a rant there, but I just hate what this has done to you. I see myself in your shoes a few years ago and I remember the raw hurt, the agony and I cant stand anyone feeling that way.

we are here for you, no matter what you decide or what path you take. we just want you to be happy addie.

yarngirl March 16th, 2010 03:19 PM

Re: no IVF
Thanks Christin. The thing is that in MA insurance mandates coverage, so he's not cash stapped or even that concerned abouts stats. He knows he could get six IVFs out of me right now. That's why I feel so defeated. I mean if he won't do it when he knows my insurance will cover it, maybe his medical opinion is just that: that my egg quality cannot be improved by medications. He said to keep trying on our own, and that maybe I get lucky and a good egg pops out. (he said it in medical terms...) But he said based on the two cycles, he thinks a third cycle would be a crap shoot and he's not sure he would recommend putting me through that. He said he thinks we should try on our own for awhile and come back in six months. I don't know.

We went to so many REs when we left our last one, and I just really liked this practice the best.

I know you understand. I feel so alone right now.

Angel_Maker March 16th, 2010 03:31 PM

Re: no IVF
Addie, my hearts breaks for you :( I have no words because I know there is nothing I can say that will lessen your pain or alleviate that feeling of defeat. I think anyone who has struggled through IF the way that "we" have can understand where you're coming from.....

I wish I had the magic words, or whatever is necessary for things to start falling into place for you....I just wish I could help :(

adnelg775 March 16th, 2010 05:01 PM

Re: no IVF
Addie, Did this RE do a mock transfer on you?? It would really bother me if he didn't... I am not an RE, obviously, but how did an ectopic happen with an IVF? Sorry, I don't mean to dredge up the past. I just don't want you to lose all hope.:(

KDD March 16th, 2010 05:20 PM

Re: no IVF
:dothug: :dothug: :dothug: :dothug:

Addie I'm so sorry that the RE said this to you. I agree with your DH that he probably doesn't want to mess up their stats.

I read a great book that was co-written by the RE that did the first successful in IVF procedure in the US. It's called "Making Babies". The authors give really good insight to how RE's operate.

*CAMM* March 16th, 2010 07:22 PM

Re: no IVF

Originally Posted by adnelg775 (Post 19466961)
Addie, Did this RE do a mock transfer on you?? It would really bother me if he didn't... I am not an RE, obviously, but how did an ectopic happen with an IVF? Sorry, I don't mean to dredge up the past. I just don't want you to lose all hope.:(

I dont think they have a clear reason why embryos move up to the tubes, but it does happen, more frequently in IVF that we'd like to think. Especially if you have scarred tubes, the likely hood of an ectopic increases even with IVF. The embryo's are usually transferred with a bit of fluid , its conceivable that they are a bit free flowing for at least a little while..and since we have to lay down for 30 mins- to an hour after transfer (they even elevated my bed so that my hips were raised slightly)..i can see how they could possibly get in the tubes. :(

momma S March 16th, 2010 07:48 PM

Re: no IVF
I am so sorry you are at this place right now. I hope that you find some peace soon. I am not sure if I am out of line saying this, but your eggs can't be that bad if one did implant, even if it was in the wrong place... If you feel in your heart that you want to do another IVF I agree that you find another RE that will work with you. You deserve a chance at it if you want to try again. ((((((HUGS)))))) I really do hope things turn around for you soon, you have been through so much.

Kari_B March 16th, 2010 08:07 PM

Re: no IVF
Addie, I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes. I'm so sad for you and wish there was something that I could do or say to take away your pain.

Please know that we are all here for you, I know that you feel so alone but please know that you are not.... we really are all here!


lunarmagic March 16th, 2010 08:29 PM

Re: no IVF
Wow. I am so, so sorry. :( I really do wonder at the RE's motivation... whether it's to save you, or save him. Even in MA I have to think that they're competing for business. Or maybe they really do want to save you the heartache... but still, to refuse to do another cycle, that's just terrible. Oh my heart breaks for you. Whether or not you would have decided to go ahead and do it..... it's absolutely awful to have a door slam shut on you like that. I wish I could give you a hug.


Originally Posted by adnelg775 (Post 19466961)
Addie, Did this RE do a mock transfer on you?? It would really bother me if he didn't... I am not an RE, obviously, but how did an ectopic happen with an IVF? Sorry, I don't mean to dredge up the past. I just don't want you to lose all hope.:(

Oh it happens unfortunately. I've had 2 successful transfers (pregnancy), 4 failed transfers, and 1 ectopic. There are some things doctors just can't control.

Kobain's Mommy March 16th, 2010 09:43 PM

Re: no IVF

KMH March 16th, 2010 09:58 PM

Re: no IVF
:dothug: Oh, Addie...I wish I knew what to say to help. You're in my thoughts as always.

~*Jackie*~ March 17th, 2010 07:03 AM

Re: no IVF
:dothug: I wish there was something I could do or say... Just know I'm thinking about you.

~Lynda~ March 17th, 2010 07:50 AM

Re: no IVF
big big hugs to you!!!! I can totally hear your pain in your words!!!! I wish I had words of wisdom at a time like this. You said you didn't want to do another IVF but I know it still hurts to be rejected. give yourself time to work through your emotions. then think it though together with your dh and make some decisions. just because they won't do another ivf, doesn't mean someone else won't... if that's what you want... good luck and big big hugs

LuvMyToriBug March 17th, 2010 02:18 PM

Re: no IVF
I lurk here to check in on some of you ladies........I hope you ladies do not mind!!

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I am so very sorry Addie!!

Sota March 18th, 2010 01:28 PM

Re: no IVF
:dothug::dothug: Addie, I know this journey has been a tough one for you and I am so sad to see another obstacle come up for you. I wish there was something I could do to make it better.

HopeToBeAMom March 18th, 2010 01:37 PM

Re: no IVF
I'm sorry to hear this. It's just not fair at all. I was wondering if you'd consider donor eggs at all? That is what I did, I used my sister's eggs, but you could do anonymous too.

pattyandthemoos March 20th, 2010 08:51 AM

Re: no IVF
Addie I am just now reading this post. I hope you don't mind my thoughts on this. Can you find another RE? One that will do another IVF cycle. You said earlier that your insurance would cover more cycles and it sounds like you are not ready to call it quits. I want to remind you of something YOU DID GET PREGNANT last time. And not only did you get pregnant (and I am very sorry if what I am posting is painful) but that embryo wanted to stick around. If you can get pregnant once you can get pregnant again. You just need it to stick in the right place and need a doctor that cares.

Just because you had an ectopic doesn't mean you will have another. I had four kids before I had my second ectopic.

Please do what is best for YOU AND DH. If you want to try again then I think you should.

(((((((((((((HUGE HUGS)))))))))))))))) I check on you a lot. I hope that you never give up hope.

ttcmymiracle March 20th, 2010 09:03 AM

Re: no IVF
:dothug::dothug: I am so sorry and it breaks my heart to read this! We are here for you in whatever you decide to do.

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