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-   -   Heavy Heart... (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f74-trying-to-conceive-medical-assistance/2454887-heavy-heart.html)

♥Ashley♥ November 28th, 2011 01:06 PM

Heavy Heart...
Unfortunately, after over a month of going back and forth, I am stepping down as co-host to the TTCMA board.

With even more of a heavy heart, my DH and I have decided to stop TTC completely. Its been a long, rough, trying 3 years full of miscarriages, medications, procedures, and surgeries. I just cant do it anymore, the past 3 years are a blur of cycle days and forced dtd and we no longer want that for ourselves. Having a baby is still something I want more than anything in this entire world, but I wont let it determine how much of a "woman" I am anymore. I have always felt broken, useless, and not good enough through this whole thing and I dont want to feel that way anymore. And ever since starting to face this decision I have been a lot more happy in that regard. Our relationship always stayed pretty strong through it all, but even since thinking about stopping things are so great between us. No stress, just enjoy eachother and have sex when we WANT to (which has been a ton more often, and a ton better!)

Anyway, I went back and forth so much but it just feels right for us. We think that we are going to possibly talk about it and regroup if nothing has happened by the time were 28/29 which is a couple years away.

Im incredibly sad to step down, but after thinking about it so much and learning to deal with our life without children right now, I am actually happy about this decision. Thank god we have an amazing relationship and can be happy with just us two, for now at least. :wub:

I will try and check in on you girls as often as possible! And good luck to you all! :dust:

KMH November 28th, 2011 01:13 PM

Re: Heavy Heart...
:bighug: Ashley, I admire and respect you SO much for not letting your TTC struggle get you down. You have faced your journey with grace, and I am so glad that you have found peace and joy with your decision. Please do check in with us now and then so we can keep up with you. I hope your photography business keeps going well and that life is done handing you lemons...you deserve to be happy :wub:

*JenJen* November 28th, 2011 01:13 PM

Re: Heavy Heart...
*hugs* I know this decision is not easy for you, but it sounds like it is right for you, at least at this point. I hope that someday you guys are blessed with a baby of your own. I'll miss hosting with you!

MandyEllen November 28th, 2011 02:06 PM

Re: Heavy Heart...
I am so happy that your relationship has grown into a wonderful twosome! I've heard of so many couples who don't make it through fertility issues...I am proud of your strength and endurance. You will be greatly MISSED on the board. I thank you for all of your insightful and fun posts. I'm sad that you won't be here as often, but please check in!

*Melissa* November 28th, 2011 02:32 PM

Re: Heavy Heart...
We will miss you so much, but I'm encouraged for you! I hope that this break is exactly what you need to continue restoring your marriage and just enjoying eachother!! I have no doubt that you will be a mother one day! Please do check in!

And I LOVE that you mention not letting IF effect how you feel about yourself as a woman- it is the very thing I struggle with the most. Feeling like because of my IF I am not woman enough...

ccartanddesign November 28th, 2011 02:57 PM

Re: Heavy Heart...
We will miss you so much!

jmichelle77 November 28th, 2011 03:21 PM

Re: Heavy Heart...
I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to know you very well yet. But it sounds like you and your DH have made a good, healthy decision and I am happy for you. :)

scubagirl80 November 28th, 2011 05:59 PM

Re: Heavy Heart...
You will be so missed around here....but it sounds like this is what you need at this point. I really admire you for taking care of yourself and your relationship. You WILL be a mother someday. I know it. Just remember to come back and tell us!

Katie L November 28th, 2011 09:30 PM

Re: Heavy Heart...
You will be missed on the boards. I am so happy that you found peace with your decision. And so happy that you and DH are happy and having fun again. Enjoy your marriage and time together!

Best of luck to you and come back to visit often--especially when you finally become a mommy!

junglepeachpie November 29th, 2011 05:25 AM

Re: Heavy Heart...
We'll miss you!

Your decision is very encouraging. I totally get the need to move on and be happy in your life. I let 2010 and 2011 be completely taken over my inability to have a baby and it hasn't been healthy. 2012 will be different.

I wish you much happiness!

Jenn in DC November 29th, 2011 07:05 AM

Re: Heavy Heart...
Ashley - You will really be missed here! But I am glad that you are doing what is best for you. You are such a strong woman and should never feel broken and useless (but I have often felt that way too through this journey so I completely understand). I wish you the very, very best and I hope that you will pop in with updates on your life from time to time. I'll miss you!

kayakr November 29th, 2011 07:29 AM

Re: Heavy Heart...
Ashley - I am so sorry you have been hurting for so many cycles TTC. You must know that being a mother doesn't make you women. You know this; you just have to remember it!!! There are many many girls that are mothers that will never be the women that you ALREADY are.
You have time on your side. You have many more years that you will be able to work on your family. I know you want it now, but taking the time of TTC will only benefit you. You are not in a race against the clock so you take this time; love your husband and yourself. You will be a momma when itís time.
I tried from age 22 without medical assistance and didn't get pregnant with my DS until I was 28 years old. It happened when I least expected it. Someday you will have a pregnant story to share as well. Until then - enjoy who you are and what you have (not that you already donít).
Thank you for all your support and sharing your knowledge with me. You ROCK!

*SamF* November 29th, 2011 07:43 AM

Re: Heavy Heart...
Ashely- just wanted to offer my :bighug: too. There is nothing wrong with putting things on hold for a while, and just enjoying being a couple. As Gretchen said, time is on your side.

KDD November 29th, 2011 03:54 PM

Re: Heavy Heart...
Ashley I'm a firm believer that stress does not help with IF. Everyone deserves to take a sanity break (be it a couple of cycles or a few years). You are young so you and Jason should have some time to enjoy being a couple. You've endured a lot in the past 3 years and yet you perservered through it all. You will be greatly missed.

swtneka November 29th, 2011 06:28 PM

Re: Heavy Heart...
Sorry 2 c u go

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