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-   -   First Time TTC (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f131-trying-to-conceive-your-first-child/2700252-first-time-ttc.html)

CelticGradhaich December 27th, 2013 05:58 PM

First Time TTC
My husband and I have been ttc for about 6 months now with no results and there are moments when I just want to give up. Blood work and consultations with my OBGYN have brought up no reasons for the problem nor a solution. The only thing my OBGYN can think is that my body is taking longer to restart normal functions after getting off the pill. I had to take medication to force my cycle after 149 days of nothing. Now my system is regulating on its own, finally. I've been charting my BT every morning (same time every morning) and the results are looking more and more like a roller coaster. No pattern in sight.

I have wanted to be a Mom for as long as I can remember and now that my husband and I are able to try and with everything going so badly with no results or even a reason why, my heart just breaks more every day.

What makes me feel like a horrible person is that there are so many women that i know that are getting pregnant without even trying, without even wanting to get pregnant and I feel so angry towards them because of it. My mind keeps thinking, "I've spent months trying to change my habits and make my body ready to carry a child safely. I have been doing everything I'm supposed to to help myself. I have planned and prepared myself and my husband and I have prepared ourselves as a couple, too. We have done everything we are supposed to, yet these women who do not even really care that they are pregnant, do not see how much of a blessing they have, who haven't taken the time and energy to prepare themselves are having these easy and no stress pregnancies that they did not even have to try for!"

These thoughts make me feel like the worst human being alive. Someone I know from middle school announced that she is pregnant today and my first thoughts were, "You barely take care of yourself! How do you expect to take care of a baby that you WEREN'T PREPARED FOR OR EVEN WERE TRYING FOR?!"

I am a horrible person. I should be happy for all of them but all I can feel is destroyed that everyone seems to be getting pregnant when my whole world is collapsing because I can not seem to get pregnant.

This is breaking me. My husband keeps telling me to be patient and that it will happen for us and when it does that it will be so special and wonderful that the wait will be worth it. He stays so positive and supportive that it makes me feel like an even bigger b!$?&.

Does the pain that comes with every negative test ever get easier to bear? Or does it just build and build and get worse until the positive one comes up? It hurts so much to think that we could be facing months and months more of this pain before getting results that make it worthwhile.

My heart is breaking and I do not know how to handle it....

CandC2012 December 27th, 2013 08:36 PM

Re: First Time TTC
*Hugs* Try not to get too discouraged (I know that's not helpful, sorry!). A lot of women take several months for their cycles to regulate after coming off the pill, which makes it extra hard and frustrating when TTC.

I've never been on BCP because I knew when I got married I wanted to have babies right away. Well, we got married in August 2012 and I have yet to ever see my BFP. Does it hurt seeing that single line every month? Yes. Does it get easier? No, not really. I've just had to try my hardest to keep a positive attitude (VERY difficult for me, I get negative very quickly and rather extremely, much to the chagrin of my DH) and trust that my body knows that right now is just not the right time to carry a baby.

Oh, and I think it's pretty normal to have jealous feelings towards women who get pregnant without even trying. As long as it's not consuming you, I wouldn't worry too much about it! I have certainly had my share of tears and strong, not-so-nice feelings towards other people getting what I have wanted for so long....

I'm sorry I haven't been more helpful... Good luck with TTC, and I sincerely hope you get your BFP very very soon!!

plan4fate December 27th, 2013 09:50 PM

Re: First Time TTC

It really does take a while for some to regulate after coming off the pill. Hopefully you'll regulate soon.

Today marks our 2 year mark ttc... so I fully get how tough it is watching and waiting.

butterfly721 December 28th, 2013 02:11 PM

Re: First Time TTC
I'm sorry. You aren't a horrible person. It is very difficult to be happy for others who get pregnant easily without wanting to when you are trying so hard to get pregnant, too. Also, I think it's possible to be very happy for others but still be sad for yourself because it is something that you want so much, too.

CelticGradhaich December 28th, 2013 11:10 PM

Re: First Time TTC
Thanks, Ladies. These last 6 months have seemed like an eternity. I don't know what I'd do/feel if we were up to 2+ years. Every thread on this site that I have read just makes me believe more and more that those of us that have a tougher time are the ones who truly have an appreciation deeper than anyone else for what it means to be "Mom" to a tiny little human being. I'm trying my best to stay positive. I think a place like this, is what I needed. A support group who understands and someplace that I can give my support to others. I truly believe that kind of connection with other women who struggle TTC is what helps all of us through.

MusicFanatic79 December 29th, 2013 06:45 PM

Re: First Time TTC
Sorry you're having a rough spell! Unfortunately, it can take up to a year for a healthy couple to get pregnant. TOTALLY normal. That's why your doctor didn't necessarily find anything "wrong".. you still have a good 6 months to even reach that statistic. I know, it sucks. ((hugs))

momology December 30th, 2013 07:40 AM

Re: First Time TTC
First of all you really should not feel like a bad person. You didn't say anything in this post that I haven't heard many times before (or said myself). I think we all get to feeling that way at some point and it is because TTC is something you have no control over and something we all want so bad. It took me about 6 months to regulate after coming off of BCP before my doc would even let us start trying. Hang in there :hug: Sounds like you are on the right track! Feel free to share your chart as well if you want us to take a look. Hopefully your BFP is right around the corner!!

CelticGradhaich December 31st, 2013 10:47 AM

Re: First Time TTC
What is the best way to share my chart? I have it in picture form from the app I use. I'd love the insight because it is gibberish to me.

blaundee January 1st, 2014 04:19 PM

Re: First Time TTC
I have been off of the pill for about 8 months & my body still hasnt regulated... just give yourself more time, it can easily take a year to regulate. After that, it can easily take a normal couple a year to conceive.... so, patience is the name of the game!!! Yes, I am SO with you in sharing those feelings- especially when someone who DOESN'T want a baby gets pregnant!!! Seriously?!?!?!

left_field January 1st, 2014 05:09 PM

Re: First Time TTC
You're not horrible. We all have encountered women who are pregnant and we all thought those same thoughts. We don't act upon those thoughts and say nasty things or wish ill will on them or their baby and that's whats more important.

My DH and I have been TTC for more than a year now. I'm 35 so of course I partly blame my age..... Hugs to you. I hope your stay on this board is short and you soon have your bfp.

CelticGradhaich January 6th, 2014 05:56 PM

Re: First Time TTC
I saw my doctor the other day and left her office in tears. She told me that she will not do anything medically to help me until I loose weight. Even my DH who was in the room with me says that she was unnecessarily harsh. Most people say to me, "Well if your doctor says you are too fat to ovulate then it is true." Others have told me to get a second opinion. She says that I will not ovulate till I loose weight and she wont help me ovulate with medication until I loose weight.

Out of anger at her actions and words I have started a workout plan. My DH says that fueling that anger at what she said into a plan will help me. I do not know that for sure or not. Either way, it was a big hit to my heart and to my emotional state. I am not overly overweight. My DH and my friends say I am "curvy". My weight, because I was always very skinny until college has been a very deep wound. My Ex-husband always berated me about it, wether it was an extra 5 pounds or more. He tried to tell me what to eat and if I ate something he thought I should not have, I got a lecture.

Now to have my OBGYN, whom I have trusted for years now, act like she did and say the things that she did, basically telling me the months of failure are my fault because I am fat, I feel so angry at myself. I feel like I am a horrible Mother to be because she says that I have not taken proper "care of myself" and have not "done what was necessary to prepare myself for pregnancy."

She told me that my weight will make me not ovulate. I have multiple friends who are much more overweight than I am that have had multiple healthy pregnancies and births and now have happy and healthy children. She says that my weight is screwing with my periods and causing them to not be right. She said that as long as my cycle is shorter than 25 days or longer than 35 I wont ovulate. Mine are averaging 40 days. Again, I have a good friend who has two to three periods a year that has had 2 happy baby girls who are now age 3 and 1.

I feel like my OBGYN is putting me into a box along with every other stereotypical woman on the planet trying to scare me. All it has done is tick me off.

Has anyone else ever had their OBGYN tell them things like this?? What did you do??

plan4fate January 6th, 2014 09:57 PM

Re: First Time TTC
Everyone is different sweetie. One of my JM friends didn't ovulate on her own until she lost 10% of her body weight. I'm quite curvy, about 220lbs, and I Ovulate just fine on my own. My not getting pregnant is less about weight, and more about the fact my body no longer produces enough progesterone to sustain a pregnancy.

Your doctor could have been nicer about it, but she could be right.

She is however wrong about the length of cycle and Oing. People ovulate late all the time and get pregnant. I myself have ovulated on cd28/29.. the day my period was due! We weren't ttc then, so we obviously didn't get pregnant, but I did O.

blaundee January 7th, 2014 08:22 PM

Re: First Time TTC
Try not to take your doctor's words about your weight as a criticism of who you ARE. She could have said it more tactfully, but I imagine she ONLY said it trying to help you & be honest with you, not with the intention of hurting you. HUGS!!! How much weight do you need to lose? Did your OB offer to help you find a good nutritionist? If not, see which one she would recommend. Think of it not as getting thin, but as getting your body ready to get pregnant. Another plus is that if you are eating a proper diet with lots of colorful veggies & fruits, most of your vitamins, etc, will come from your food instead of a pill, which is the best way to get them anyway! And don't think of it as a "diet", think of it as a lifestyle change- you want to live a long healthy life & be a great example for your kids, too. You can do it!!! & feel free to brag or vent to us any time!!! HUGS!!!

CelticGradhaich January 9th, 2014 04:30 PM

Re: First Time TTC
I have to loose 70 lbs before she will help me. She did not give me a nutritionist's info, but my Mom is Gluten intolerant (on the verge of Ciliacs) and who is trying to loose weight too so we are working together.

My DH is former military and helped me come up with a workout routine that I can do. Two days a week of Zumba, two days a week at the gym on a treadmill and elliptical, and two days of ab workouts here in our apartment. When I go to the gym my Mom goes with me and we cuss at the ellipticals together. Lol. We call them the "devil machines".

I got a bunch of fruits and veggies to snack on and I already quit drinking sodas. They were making me sick so I have been without anything carbonated in over 5 months. I also found a link to 20 crock pot receipes that you put together and freeze all at once that have lots of veggies and good protein. You just thaw them overnight in the fridge and throw them in the crockpot before you leave in the morning.

I basically decided to fuel my anger at her delivery of the information into my desire to show her that I can do this. I have my yearly appointment with her in March so I am determined to loose as much as i can before then. Show her that I can and will do this.

I know that it will eventually turn into "for me" weight loss. I have not gotten there yet. I am still in the "mad at my doctor and wanting to show her what I can do" weight loss.

Rainbow Catcher January 9th, 2014 08:12 PM

Re: First Time TTC
my advice is to find a new doctor. That is what I would do. Find a fluffy-friendly doctor. Keep on your plan - it will do nothing but help you to lose weight and become more healthy, and it might just help your fertility! but find another doctor. You shouldn't be made to feel like you are beneath help because you are overweight. For a doctor to say they are not willing to help you because of your weight is shameful and absurd and I wouldn't tolerate it. Keep up the good work with your exercise and dieting - I definitely know how hard it is!!!

plan4fate January 9th, 2014 08:46 PM

Re: First Time TTC
70lbs?! Geeze my doctor's an absolute Jerk and even he only wanted 10% of my body weight gone. (usually the first 10% is the hardest and it keeps going from there).

Rainbow Catcher January 10th, 2014 06:33 AM

Re: First Time TTC
yeah mine said that for whatever reason, 10% seems the be the magic number (no matter what weight you're starting from). I'm working on my 10% as well :)

Mslily1125 January 10th, 2014 02:47 PM

Re: First Time TTC
I am slightly overweight, at 160lbs (145lbs would be normal for my height) - and even my doctor mentioned losing weight to boost my fertility. So don't think that you are alone on this one!

My doc told me that even losing 5%-8% of your body weight can jump start your body into ovulating on its own. She went ahead and put me on Clomid anyway, but she warned me that she could "put me on medications and draw blood all day long, but if I really want to get pregnant I need to lose some pounds!"

**Big Hugs** to you anyway, because I know it's tough to hear. I remember sitting there and thinking..."Wait. Am I fat??"

Rainbow Catcher January 10th, 2014 08:55 PM

Re: First Time TTC
I found this article empowering and wanted to share :)

Fertility Advice for Overweight and Obese Women | Preparing for Pregnancy | Pregnancy.org

CelticGradhaich January 10th, 2014 09:08 PM

Re: First Time TTC
I am simply taking it day by day and trying to stick to my workout plan. I have really upped my Zumba and gym workouts plus ab exercises. I plan on loosing it one way or another. It is honestly time for me to just bite the bit and do it. I want to feel better about how I look and just.... Feel better in general.

You know what? I guess I finally got over the anger at my doctor and fell into the "I want to do this FOR ME" category. I just realized that as I typed this.

It was weird because every minute on the treadmill, elliptical, or upper body weight machines was like one more step to get where I want to be.... I guess you could say it is where I wanted to be going for a very long time. I miss the in shape me. The me that felt good about how I look. The me that LIKED blue jean and swim suit shopping. The me that was confident in any dress or any setting.

These days I just compare myself to everyone else: My hair isn't as nice. My skin doesn't look as good. My outfits don't make me feel as confident as they look. I know this thinking is bad for me.... And I think I have found the point that I am tired of feeling that way.

So... Now this is for me. Now every step I take and every minute of sweat is for ME.

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