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-   -   I can't even believe I have to say this. (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f29-trying-to-conceive/2678137-i-cant-even-believe-i-have-to-say.html)

hopeful_girl55 September 11th, 2013 07:43 AM

I can't even believe I have to say this.
Good morning ladies.
I am just going to get right into it. Unfortunately my journey has come to an end and not the way I wanted it. Last night my SO and I got into it. He ended up telling me that he doesn't think now is the best time for this, if it happened it happens but we shouldn't be planning for it to happen. Ugh typing those words even hurts, hearing them last night killed me. So much in my life just changed out of no where. I had no idea he felt that way. This took me completely off guard. He says it's all I think about and I need to stop being so obsessed with it. But the thing is I barely talk to him about trying. If he only knew how much I really think about it he would think I am crazy.
So basically its over. We aren't trying anymore. He wants to just "let it happen" but if I can think about there being a possibility of it happening I am going to obsess. When you want something like this so badly it consumes you. In October when I go in for my yearly I am going back on birth control. I am not sure which kind yet, but preferably not the pill. I am just completely heart broken and tearing up having to tell you all this.
I am going to miss you ladies so much. You have no idea how much you all have helped me. I can never forget some of the connections I made here. I will check back time to time to see how you all are doing, and to check on a few ladies that I grew close with that got their BFP's. I really wish you all the best luck in the world and I hope you all get your BFP very soon.

Oh, and Happy Birthday to me...the big 21.

Wish44 September 11th, 2013 07:47 AM

Re: I can't even believe I have to say this.
I'm sorry. I hope that everything works out for you, Sam.

SassyMama September 11th, 2013 07:48 AM

Re: I can't even believe I have to say this.
I'm so sorry hun! I don't even know what to say. I hope you find yourself back here soon with an unplanned BFP :dothug:

hopeful_girl55 September 11th, 2013 07:54 AM

Re: I can't even believe I have to say this.
Thanks ladies. It really means a lot to me. I have everything crossed for all of you!

aStarIsBorn September 11th, 2013 07:59 AM

Re: I can't even believe I have to say this.
oh no! that is terrible. :( and on your birthday?? im sorry to hear that he's not being supportive. is he not ready for kids or what? i hope you can find some peace with not trying and maybe waiting till he is ready.

susbequer1 September 11th, 2013 08:00 AM

Re: I can't even believe I have to say this.
I'm so sorry :( Good luck to you :dothug: And Happy Birthday

hopeful_girl55 September 11th, 2013 08:13 AM

Re: I can't even believe I have to say this.
He said he is ready for kids, and would be happy if it happened. But he feels like with so much going on with his job and a little bit of trouble he got into a few weeks ago its just not the right time to be planning and trying. And that I just got too obsessed and he felt like it was all I would think about. Which I guess it's true that I thought about it all the time, but its been over a year of really trying, with a few breaks in between, and nothing happened. So I started getting worried and I just wanted it so bad and it just wasn't happening. He wants to NTNP but right now I don't think I could be noncommittal like that. I know at the end of every month, I would get just as upset and obsessed and crazy. So its mostly my choice to go on birth control.

And yeah, it all happened last night. We were up till almost 1 in the morning arguing and talking. I can't stop crying today. I really just want the day to be over with. At this point I don't much care that its my birthday. TTC has been my life for the last year, and now its just over. I don't even think its truly hit me yet.

Thanks for the birthday wishes girls. <3

Melissadd September 11th, 2013 08:36 AM

Re: I can't even believe I have to say this.
I am so sorry to hear this sending you :dothug:. Hopefully you will get you bfp when you least expect it. I know what it is to obsess about ttc but I am going to be 38 next month so my clock is ticking fast. I wish you all the best and hope too see you post in the near future that you got a surprise bfp!!

Happy Birthday!!

WaitinginNJ September 11th, 2013 10:32 AM

Re: I can't even believe I have to say this.
Hi Sam,

I do not think you have to leave, I think you can stay here. You still belong! Maybe your SO is overly stressed with work and the changes and the though of adding to your family was driving him more crazy than you. Perhaps he out lashed at you because you are really the only one he has to do that with?
If we all planned around being 100% financially secure, we would be an endangered species!

I wish you much much luck and surely do hope to see you back with an unplanned BFP soon! xoxo

Diamond2009 September 11th, 2013 10:39 AM

Re: I can't even believe I have to say this.
Happy Birthday Sam. I am so sorry you are going through this on your birthday but sometimes people say things that they don't mean, If he wants a baby but doesn't want to try then just do the NTNP approach. I don't think you should go on BC because if its what you both want then it will set you back. Try the NTNP approach and try not to think about it too much or at least don't tell him you are. I had to do that with DF at the beginning because he said when its meant to be itll be. I wish you all the best with your decision hun. I don't think you should leave.

bluewren September 11th, 2013 11:18 AM

Re: I can't even believe I have to say this.
:hug: Happy Birthday Sam. I hope that everything works out for you!

hopeful_girl55 September 11th, 2013 12:25 PM

Re: I can't even believe I have to say this.
Thanks ladies. And I mean all the talking that happened was late last night so maybe after having some time away from each other to cool down will help. The way he was acting last night, ugh it was just so hard. All I wanted to do was run away. I guess we will have to figure everything out. At least for now, I know I need a break. I may be back in the future, but will still be checking on all of you either way.

Your words mean so much to me. You ladies give great advice, and definitely got me rethinking everything and giving me a different perspective. I think a lot of it was I was mad at him for not telling me all of this months ago, and for the way he said everything. We are going to have to talk it out and try to work on it.

jjustice12 September 11th, 2013 01:10 PM

Re: I can't even believe I have to say this.
Im soooooo sorry. :( but maybe the break will make it happen for u. I know a lot of ladies get preggo right after they stop tryin an its probaby because females stress so much over ttc that the stress itself prevents it from happening. I will be prayin for u. Happy bday!!

wvufan67 September 11th, 2013 01:40 PM

Re: I can't even believe I have to say this.
So sorry to hear that..Happy birthday

Faith=2xBlessed September 11th, 2013 04:23 PM

Re: I can't even believe I have to say this.
Oh sam I just wanna give you a big hug and take you for coffee or whatever but first of all happy birthday!!! I'm so sad that you had to have this happen on your bday ..second of all I think that your bf is probably upset too that you haven't gotten pregnant guys act so differently than girls they try to back away from the pain and find excuses when we get so headstrong and run at things like bulls! I would just give it a few days and relax ..and maybe ntnp would be the absolute best for you maybe that's what you need to get pregnant ..its so hard not to try I know bc you just want it so bad ..but just keep your head up love up your bf and try to do things for you two and then maybe you'll get that surprise bfp! And don't leave bc then I wont know how you are!! Big big hug babe and again happy birthday just try to enjoy the rest of it!!

molly78 September 11th, 2013 05:19 PM

Re: I can't even believe I have to say this.
so sorry to hear that! My husband does not want me to get obsessed with TTC'ing either and I'm 35! Seriously I know when you feel like your clock is ticking, it's ticking, but you have SOO much time left in your life to have a baby. It will all work out for the best for you.

BabyX September 12th, 2013 06:31 AM

Re: I can't even believe I have to say this.

Sam I have so many things that I want to say to you right now. I am so sorry for the frustration that you are going through. I have to just roll my eyes sometimes when men say women are complicated and confusing. My DH did something similar to me I think it was about 4 to 5 months into TTC. He just out and out did not want to try anymore. After some time and probably several serious discussions we moved onto NTNP in his world. In my world I was still doing what I could to actually try. It turns out that making a baby freaks some men out. It's like sometimes they want it and then sometimes I think it must get real in their minds and they kind of freak out a little. Maybe just maybe your SO is feeling some of those feelings. I also have to say that my DH at times has been somewhat jealous for my attention. He wants for things to be all about him. He worries that a baby is going to take me away from him. And who knows what else goes through that crazy man's head that he doesn't verbalize or that I haven't been able to deduce by his actions. So what I'm trying to get at here is that sometimes these things just work themselves out. I really hope for you that they do. Please don't give up on your dream. Just be patient w/ your SO. Some days he may cooperate and some days he may not, but take full advantage when he does. I really wish that there was more that I could share w/ but I've already written a short story I don't want to start heading into book territory. :D

BamaLove September 12th, 2013 06:47 AM

Re: I can't even believe I have to say this.
I am so sorry :(

mom2pne September 12th, 2013 07:44 AM

Re: I can't even believe I have to say this.
I am so sorry! Hopefully, he will be back on board soon! I am just wondering why you are going on birth control if It's a if it happens it happens situation?

LucasMom11 September 12th, 2013 07:57 AM

Re: I can't even believe I have to say this.
First of all, Happy Birthday! No birthday should go 'uncongratulated' I think :)

And I am really sorry....I really hope the NTNP will actually work for you! Even of you're on BC, if it's meant to happen, it will! God works in mysterious ways...I kbnow it sounds cliche, but it is SO true...
Just talk to your doctor when you go back to BC, try t go back to something that won't mess with your hormones much. And just take it one day at a time.

Big :hugs: for you!!! :)

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