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-   -   Need LOTS of Advice and Opinions Pkease!! (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f29-trying-to-conceive/2706238-need-lots-advice-and-opinions-pkease.html)

jennalee February 1st, 2014 07:00 PM

Need LOTS of Advice and Opinions Pkease!!
Sooo here's my situation, I am 17 (turning 18 in June), my partner is 19 (turning 20 in March), we've been together over 3 and a half years. We live together in our own house (we rent a 3 bedroom house together). Our families are happy with us together, in fact he is going to propose to me over the next month sometime (he asked my father if he could marry me, such a good boy for asking first lol). Last year I had a miscarriage, and an abortion, we weren't trying for a baby it just happened.I basically raised one of my younger siblings when my mother wasnt fit to be a parent, he was like a son to me before I had to move out of home and he was sent to live with our Uncle and Aunty 2 years ago, (my mother suffered mental illness and drug addiction, she wasnt fit to be a parent, she passed away last year). I've got a huge maternal bug inside of me, i want a baby so bad and not just for selfish reasons, i want to give a little child the best childhood and a loving family, things i didnt have, and i want more than anything to start a family with my partner, start a real future together. He's agreed and even said he wouldnt let me go through with another abortion if i were to fall pregnant again. He has a fulltime job, which pays well, i work casually (just recently left a fulltime job, but im not sure what i want to do yet, im feeling a bit lost with my life, like i have no purpose, so i suppose having a baby would fill that gap inside of me). I've been living out of home for about 2 years now, im quite mature for my age, always have been.

* Also i think theres a slight chance i could be pregnant again, i wont know for sure for another week or two when i cant test, but i have a gut feeling,

I need advice, do you think I'm ready for something like this? Would you ever recommend someone to be a young mum? If so why? If not why not?

My stepmum knows ive had an abortion, not the miscarriage though, so i think if i was to get pregnant and decide to keep it she would be somewhat understanding, my dad would be absoloutely furious to begin with, but he would settle down in time. My partners family would be somewhat disappointed i think, and honestly i think they would try to pressure us into having an abortion. The rest of my family on my mums side would think very little of me, but they doesn't bother me because they've always given off that vibe, i probably wouldnt tell them until the baby's born to be honest.

How would you recommend going about telling your parents? And when, how long would you wait?

Lots and lots and lots of opinions and advice please!

Please, I know its a lot to read but i need a LOT of advice :)

momopotamus February 1st, 2014 09:05 PM

Re: Need LOTS of Advice and Opinions Pkease!!
I'm not sure if there may be another board to direct you towards, as I'm not sure what type of response you'll receive here, but I can offer you my advice.
I had my son at 19. I longed for a baby, was engaged, and we planned him. I was in college, and I thought having a child would fill that void and longing I felt. And while he filled my heart with everything and more, it also sent my life in to a total tail spin at that time. I really had no idea how much hard work and sacrifice it took to be a mother. My life wasn't mine anymore, it was his. I ran on his schedule, not mine, catered to his needs, not my own, spent my money on him, not myself. Choosing to have a child means that you're ready to devote your entire being solely to raising that little one.
Some things to consider, have you graduated high school yet? Are you going to college? (I can tell you, college with a baby is TOUGH stuff lol) What are your career plans? Do you see yourself doing the job you have now for a good long while, and is it enough financially to support the family? As far as your parents and extended family, that's neither here nor there. If they don't live in your home, pay your bills, and you're not dependent on them, then they can pound sand. If you feel like becoming pregnant is going to disappoint them, you should do some soul searching as to WHY you think this. What are there hopes for you? Its A LOT to consider. I wish you luck. All of us here can only share advice and opinions, but you're ultimately the only one who can determine if you're ready. Good luck!

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