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swtneka August 25th, 2010 02:20 PM

My 36month TTC Journey (and tired of counting)
Hello, My name is Sonica (30) and my DH is Jusitin (26) We have been married for 6 weeks but been together for 2 years. I have 2 children outside of this marriage. 1boy Serra (10) and 1 girl Khia (5). I have been pregnant a total of 4 times 2 live births one abortion (yes 4 months after i had my lil girl it was a one night stand and I didnt have the mental, physical or financial abitity to have another) and 1 mc. Each preg happen within the first month so I never thought I would ever had problems getting preg. When I met my husband I was not lookin to get married or have anymore children I had opted to get my tubes tied after my daughter but doctor was against it. My husband has changed my whole concept of on having children and bein a family. I have been a single mother for the past 10 years and here he comes and turn it into a family. He doesnt have any children so immediately we started tryin and long and behold i was preg within the first month! I was so excited because I was givin him what he wanted and I was actually happy being preg. Went to our first ob appt at 6 weeks everything is goin gr8! 2 weeks later had a ultrasound saw the baby and the heartbeat measuring a week over expected dd. We were so happy started buyin maternity clothes and baby clothes even bought a baby bed. through out this preg i was gettin a eerie feeling like something wasnt right but kept sayin it was me being peranoid just w8n for the shoe to drop nothing could be this perfect. I wasnt sick when with my other preg i was sick the WHOLE preg. The only symptom i had was goin to the bathroom alot but now i notice i do that alot lately. Anyway woke up one mornin and I felt ok. I wasnt sick i wasnt tired i wasnt nothing I felt my stomach and i didnt feel the ball that i use to feel in my pelvic area but again just shook it off. Went to work feeling gr8 everybody at work even said i seemed better that day. I was doin some extreme work that day lifting heavy stuff on my feet for hours at a time. I picked this one thing and i felt this pullin sensation so i put it down. I went to the bathroom and i noticed pink blook when i wiped. only when i wiped. I wasnt sure if i should worry bout this so i talked to my manager and she was like yea u should go to the ER. I saw my bf at the time and told him he was like yes lets go when i was in the ER i honestly didnt think that i was mc cuz when i heard of mc i heard of excessive bleeding and crampin and i wasnt havin any of this. The only time i saw blood was when i wiped. They did a ultrasound and I thought everything was ok i saw the baby movin. Me and bf was talkin bout how i need to take it easy and then the doctor came in and coldly said "yea the baby is dead" I didnt process what he said but when i looked at my bf he was cryin and i was like w8 what. y u cryin. He said the baby died ba. I just was in a daze i was in mis belief. i wanted them to take the test again. i didnt want to believe it! Before I knew it they was wheeling me to L&D to do a d&c. They came in told me that my baby died at 8 weeks so it had been dead in me for 2 weeks. thats when i got upset bc I just had a ultrasound not even a week ago and the baby was fine it was measurin at 9weeks and 3 days so dont tell me it died at 8 weeks. I got so upset they had to put me under and when i woke up my baby was gone. I remember wakin up askin the nurse what happen to my baby and she said "it wasnt a baby it was just tissue" I screamed at her sayin it wasnt a baby to u but it was to me and i just started cryin all over again. It was the most horifiy time in my life. I was so unsure. I thought my bf at the time was gone leave me like the baby. I was a mess. My bday was 10 days later and my bf dragged me out the bed to at least see light. That night he proposed. They told us we had to w8 at least 2 weeks b4 bdin again but we did that night cuz i wasnt even bleeding. I didnt bleed at all! We decided to start tryin right away. I got some ewcm bout 3 weeks after the d&c and my usual o pain and started bding like bunnies when i got my period i was shock that it didnt happen but wasnt disappointed cuz i knew that it might be 2 soon. When it didnt happen after a few months i started worring wondering what could be wrong. Thats when i joined you ladies at JM and found out so much helpful information. like tempin and opk's I started tempin and notice that i didnt o like i use on cd 10 i was not O'in cd17-22 and my lp wasnt 14 days anymore it was 7-10 days. I want to thank u ladies bc I have learned so much info bout my body that i didnt even know at all!!! After bout 6 months i went to my ob and told him bout my short lp he prescribed prometrium 100mg didnt work at all then he prescribed clomid 50mg and prometruim 100mg i did that for 2 cycles and I o'd cd 10 i was excited i thought my body was goin back to normal my lp was 12 days but it wasnt enough to get me bfp. I stopped the clomid and prom and in a couple month later it went back to o'n cd15-19 and lp 7-10. After some research i came up with i def have a imhormanal balance something is off. I even think it has to do with my prolactin all the symptoms fit. I went to a RE and he tells me that he wants to run these test to see if my hormones r off but he also wants to start me on clomid and prom again at a higher dose. I got extremely mad cuz i dont think i need clomid i just need u to take care of the hormonal stuff first lets see where my numbers are at b4 you go str8 to clomid. The reason y is cuz my insurance wont pay if they put me on clomid. I honestly believe that I am o'n its just the horomonal stuff that is keepin it from implantin. I know with all my heart from my symptoms that I get preg i even have tooken test that came out positive but then get my period days later its just that my baby cant stay implanted cuz it dont have the nutrients it need to stay attatch. I been TTCing for 18months and now I am seeing another OB who is goin to run the test next week and he is goin to c what the test say b4 he starts me on clomid again. I am so nervous I so badly want to give my DH a child of his own bc he takes so good care of the 2 we have now and I love him so dearly for acceptin them as his own. every month he thinks i am preg and it hurts my heart to tell him I got my period. He is a trooper and i know that its hurtin him as much as it is hurting me. I sometime feel like less of woman and wife because i cant give him a child. It hurts my heart and sometimes i push him away bc of it. i dont mean to be this way but everynite he rubs my stomach and i push his hand away cuz it just reminds me that nothing is in there. I talked to a psychic and they all say that i will get preg by the end of this year once i get the medical help that i need and it will be a girl. I even got a reading from Cheri and she says the samething so i am optimistic. Only time will tell.

Nayomi80 August 25th, 2010 04:59 PM

Re: My 18month TTC Journey (and counting)
I am so glad that you started a journal.
I hope you get your sticky :bfp: as soon as possible.:D

swtneka August 25th, 2010 05:09 PM

Re: My 18month TTC Journey (and counting)
Thanks Naomi

swtneka August 27th, 2010 07:38 AM

Re: My 18month TTC Journey (and counting)
well i have started tempin again. I stopped b4 because i would read my temp at 98. something and then get af when it usually goes below the cover line b4 af shows i would get my hopes up thinkin i might be to only get a bfn or af. I wanted to start again just to see when i actually o'd. i been relyin on my body by ewcm and my opk's and o pain. I know i am right but just want to make 100% sure. Last night was my last dose of SI @ 150mg. I started takin them at cd7. I know that was to late according to every1 u should take them btwn cd1-5 etc but I wanted to just c what they do to mybody. The only side effect I am noticin is the headaches. Im sittin here lookin at my pharmacy. Thats what i call my pill collection. I take vitex, omega 3, 6, 9, iron, baby asprin, prenatal, b complex, b6, and fiber so yes i feel like a pharmacy. lol. I started takin robitussin not for cm but becuz i am gettin a cold. i think its the flu. scratchy throat and congestion. not feelin well at all. i think my kids got it also. I started hubby on zinc and womens vitamins. had a hard time getting him to take that. lol when he saw woman on the bottle he was like HEY Im not gone grow boobs am i. lol he so silly. the next day he came to me and say is this stuff suppose to make my pee high lighter yellow. i was like yep now your pee matches mine. Its so funny what we do to concieve. I sometimes wonder if takin all this is hurting my chances more then helping. Next week I go to the doctor for my blood work he is testing progesterone and TSH. he wants to see if i am actually ovulating. IDK if i am. i am having all the symptoms of ovulation. but maybe my egg is not actaully making it throuogh. i have read so many stories its making my head spin. I talked to pyschic last nite. She was goin on on bout how my finances gone straighten out soon, how much me and my husband are a perfect for each other and how I am gone live til i am in my late 80's. I just wanted to know if i was gone have a baby soon. She says yes its a boy. my head just dropped. all the other pyschics i talked to said girl and here she comes with a boy! I am thinkin that if i get my bfp sooner then maybe its gone be a boy. the other pyschic said nov-dec girl but if i get it sooner maybe Boy idk. maybe by takin all this meds its boostin my fertilty and i am redesignin the future. lol i sometiimes make myself laugh at the stuff i be saying. am i crazy but i been buyin baby clothes. only the stuff i c on sell though. they had alot of baby stuff on sale for a dollor so i grabbed it! is that pusing it? i think the pills are working cuz i dont have same symptoms this cycle. i didnt have any cramps or moodiness or breast ache or anything so i think its doin something. maybe all this isnt gone be in vain. i gotta go my kid school just called sayin he is sick. TTYL

Nayomi80 August 27th, 2010 10:55 AM

Re: My 18month TTC Journey (and counting)
I have read the best way to get preggo is to Relax,relax &
more relax............I hope everything you are doing will
get you to that sticky :bfp: I think you will have a boy
next.....where were you and your hubby wanting next?

swtneka August 27th, 2010 10:24 PM

Re: My 18month TTC Journey (and counting)
I know thats the best thing but I feel like i am obsessed wit it. its on my mind like 24/7. We want whatever God blesses us with. We have 1 of each so it dont really matter. I bougt some more baby clothes today but it was mostly girl stuff. and he was like hey where the boy stuff dont discreminate. lol... i told him all they had was girl stuff. He like oh cuz we need alot of both cuz we havin both! I was told him what if its all girls we have r all boys he's like nope we having both then he put his hand on my stomach and started praying. lol he so silly. Is is sad that all i think bout is baby's? i see other pregnant woman and i think thats gone be me and when i c a baby i think aawww i wonder if our baby gone look like that. its literally on my mind like 24 7. I want it so bad. i never wanted anything so bad. maybe it cuz i cant have it when i want it. with my other 2 i wanted to get preg i counted and bam i was preg right on the nose the same month so this time its not like that and when somebody tell me i cant i have to prove them wrong.
I took a opk it was neg. when will i o already? i am on cd12. for the past few months i been o'n cd16 r 17 so i guess i have 5 more days til then. I am anxious this cycle bc of all the meds i am taking i guess. speakin of meds its bout time i down my pharmacy. update ff and go get some bdin on. Im also tryin the sperm meet egg plan. where u bd every other day after cd7 and then the day b4 o the day of o and the day after o. so we will c if this works... Im mad tired just gettin off from work need a shower! TTYL

swtneka August 28th, 2010 07:50 PM

Re: My 18month TTC Journey (and counting)
Well been feeling some twinges on my sides... one minute its the right and the next its the left. dont know if my body is tryin to get ready for the big O. I havent taken a opk yet but i know its goin to be a bfn. I bought some more baby clothes :smackshead:. Hey it was only $1. u can not pass that up. A co worker of mine is preg 6 weeks today she just had a mc 3 months ago so she is bein careful. all she do is talk bout it but i dont mind listening. i think thats y she always come to my area. She keeps sayin i pray everynight that u get preg too so our babies can play together. I remember when she was preg with her first i cried when she told me cuz she and her husband had been tryn for 2 years and it didnt happen so i thought she was in the same boat as me and then she gets preg and i was just soooo hurt that it happened for her but i was happy at the sametime. Now I am excited for her I guess cuz i have faith that my time will come. I really think I will be preg by the end of the year. I cant w8 til i have my test next week. Everybody keeps asking who i am buyin all the baby stuff for. I just tell them its for my neice cuz i dont want them all in my business. Everybody always asks me when am i gone have another baby. It gets depressing when i have to say not yet... I want to say oh in a few months r something like that but i guess its wishful thinkin. i cant w8 for the day i can announce i am preg! just did a opk and it was..... neg of course. i knew it was i dont usually test til i start getting the pain and ewcm. everytime i wipe i pray i see a lil ewcm. lol but nothing as of yet. well im goin to bed i am soooo tired update ff shower n off to bed. GNJM

swtneka August 29th, 2010 09:41 PM

Re: My 18month TTC Journey (and counting)
Feeling those twinges on my side again. more today then yesterday but still pretty sure i would get a neg on my opk... I am tired today think i am gone sit in the tub instead of shower try to relax my muscles. Well I didnt buy any baby clothes today didnt even go in the dept been really busy at work today so no time. I am thining of all the stuff i have in my closet baby wise just cant w8 til i am preg and be able to take it out and hang up the clothes and decorate the rooms. I cant wait til we move. Hopefully sometimes this year. I had a vision on how i would tell the IL's. We would take them to dinner and i would be wearing a jacket. i would take off the jacket sayin o its hot in here and my shirt would say bun in the oven with an arrow pointin at my stomach... what u think? i like it. We not gone tell the fam r any1 til after the fist tri we lost the last one at 10 weeks so i just want to get past it dont want to have announce another mc again. i was in more pain tellin people we lost the baby then actually miscarring. I been having stupid dreams lately. IDKY..... I really predict that I will be preg by the end of this year have i told yall that yet. You can quote me on it. I want milk brb.. got my milk and pop tart. just felt like something sweet. i need to go grociery shoppin soon cuz i am low on sweets maybe thats a good thing. Next cycle I am goin to start this fertilty diet. its a 21 day diet suppose to boost ya chance of conception. i had a chat buddy try it and she got her bfp and lost 9lbs so it cant hurt right... the only thing i wont be able to try is the fertilty smoothie. i dont have any maca root powder and cant buy any at the moment. at least wont get it in time for my next cycle.... i wonder if they have it a gnc i will have to check. i would like to loose some weight. i know thats y i am havin these prob i have gained so much weight i dont even recognize myself when i look in the mirror. i want to loose bout 50lbs... i did loose 36 for the wedding but gained bout 20 after it was over. a mess!!! Well off to bed i go get in the tub get some bdin cuz im feelin a little frisky... lol... TTYL

swtneka August 31st, 2010 12:09 AM

Re: My 18month TTC Journey (and counting)
Well I started feeling the O pains today mostly on my right side never felt them on right side b4 usually my left. It started this morning when i was takin MIL to work so i was like yep this is it i know these sharp pains but it wasnt major just like a dull pain. went home took an opk and it was ..... neg..... I couldnt believe it but i also didnt see any ewcm so i guess i shouldnt have been totally shock i usually get o pain then ewcm then pos opk... well felt the pain off and on through out the day. Everytime i went to the bathroom i prayed i saw some ewcm but nothing. I came home from work i started having this intense pain on my right side and it was constant for at least 30 mins but it didint feel like o pain it was just pain like a cramp from walkin to fast after havin water ya know. so i was like that couldnt have been o pain. I went on ff updated my info logged off and just decided hey i am gone take a opk just to make sure. went got me one peed in a cup wiped and holly molly EWCM a whole lot. i was so happy i put the opk in the cup and it started turnin immediately..... I was like uh oh gone get my bd on... lol... ok so i am wondering do i count this as cd 15 r cd 16 i tested a lil after 12 but i started havin the o pain early this morning but really at 10pm (i guess thats what that was) I think i am goin to put it at 15. Well i am off too bd so since i have sooo much ewcm should i use the preseed i bought.... IDK im just happy i o'd already... wish me luck ladies

Nayomi80 August 31st, 2010 12:55 AM

Re: My 18month TTC Journey (and counting)
Congrats to making it to 1000 posts. I get happy
over the littlest things.
:D I am still amazed that you
buy clothes for your future baby....do you have other
baby stuff as well?

swtneka August 31st, 2010 04:33 PM

Re: My 18month TTC Journey (and counting)
Yes Naomi I do... i have a crib, a baby tub, and mostly clothes just stuff i find on sale and just cant pass up. like the crib was 50 dollars and the clothes i bought was 1 dollor and they r sooo nice the tub was 7 dollars. If i find i a bargin i have to get it cuz one day i do believe i might need it. The same stuff i bought the following year will be back and to its regular price. So when i do need it like last year there was sooo much stuff on sale at walmart baby stuff and I was preg but rufused to buy cuz i thought it was bad luck and i still wind up loosing the baby so I dont see the harm. Its just like if u were plannin on movin to new home a bigger home and u see somethings u like and on sale. u might not have purchased the home but u do know that u will and this u can use so y pass up on a bargin. I know i am so psyched that i made it over a 1000. I noticed last nite. I cant beleive it. thanks for reading and commentin on my journal Nayomi.

well tested 2day and got another big blaring pos on opk... So excited. also noticed some more crampin but its on both sides it goes from one side to the next. I was lookin at my chart and Im not seein that dip then rise to indicated ovulation. When i woke up my temp was 97.04 thats the highest its every been. but i can say that the day prior to that the temp might not be right cuz when i woke i couldnt find my themomter i usually keep under my pillow but me and dh had a wild night that nite so it could have been anywhere. I found it like 5 seconds later but i had said "i cant find my themomater" so i know u not suppose to talk b4 testin so IDK what to do bout that temp. but this morning it was higher than its been all cycle and i dont know what to make of that.... i dont think my chart gone show ovulation... IDK i guess time will tell.... I know i bd just in case. matter of fact dh didnt know what to think last night. he was knocked out i just climbed on top and did my thing and it was over... lol he never can handle me on top. i didnt want to draw out a long session so i kept it short and simple. i was still sore/sensitive from the previous nite. Oh and the preseed... LOVE IT..... but i didnt really need it cuz i had tons of EWCM still have some which never happens i usually have it one r 2 wipes but i still have tons 18 hours later must be the soy. When i tested this afternoon i didnt expect it to be pos but it was so took a shower me and dh both off today so we spent the most of the afternoon making love while the kids were at school. hadnt had sex in the day light in months... lol it was nice. I dont expect to get a bfp this cycle. I just want to c if the meds i am takin gone at least lengthn my lp. I am not gone even test unless its late and I mean 14dpo late. Late would be 11dpo for me but i want to be sure it wont be another chemical so i am gone w8 til 14dpo. 3 more days til my appt with my gyno... i really want to c what the prog test gone say. Well have to cook a meal for the fam. TTYL

Nayomi80 August 31st, 2010 05:03 PM

Re: My 18month TTC Journey (and counting)
Are you going to keep a pregnancy journal on J.M.
once you get your :bfp:

swtneka August 31st, 2010 10:40 PM

Re: My 18month TTC Journey (and counting)
Yea i think i will.... Its nice to be able to vent somewhere....

swtneka September 1st, 2010 06:45 AM

Re: My 18month TTC Journey (and counting)
Well woke this morning at 5am like always well i woke up at 450 cuz i really had to go to the bathroom and wanted to temp b4 i got up and it was 97.86 WTH!!! y so high? When i got up to go the bathroom i noticed i was sweating. i mean really sweating. my shirt was wet which i couldnt understand cuz its freezin in my room. I think i am gone go back to bed and wake later take it then cuz aint no way that is right if it goes this way my chart wont show a O date... Im tired anyway cuz i didnt get to bed til 1am. I wake up early to take my MIL to work and then get the kids ready for school.... Im off 2day so im gone sleep in til my kids dentist appt at 2pm. Oh I had the strangest dream last nite. I dreamt i was preg and got my prog checked and it was .5 so doctor put me on prog of 550mg a month. It was a crazy dream bout insurance and seeing doctors and i saw my bean on ultrasound and it was jumpin on some ball at only 9weeks... lol it was crazy... hope that means something lol

TryingforNumber2 September 2nd, 2010 12:28 PM

Re: My 18month TTC Journey (and counting)
Hi Swtneka! I really enjoyed reading your story! I'll be praying for you this cycle! I'm on my 4th cycle of TTC and starting to get disappointed. Your story has given me hope again...thank you for that!

I forgot to say...your dream was too funny. How did a ball get in there lol

swtneka September 2nd, 2010 10:36 PM

Re: My 18month TTC Journey (and counting)
Hi tryingfornumber2.... thanks for reading. Wow u havent been tryin that long but I bet it feels like forever. Dont get discouraged just hang in there it will come when the time is right. Yea my dreams r always crazy like that. IDK where that ball came from but it was jumpin away. lol again thanks for reading

Well I am wondering if i call this 1dpo. FF still hasnt given me a exact O date. I am hopin it gives me the o date of cd16 which will make me 2 dpo. I have been feeling bad since yesterday. but 2day was the worse. I am so sluggish and I have been nauseated all day. i mean like bout to hurl any moment. I dont think is eps cuz its just tooo early but something is goin on. I even had heartburn. I dont have heartburn. the only time i had heartburn was when i was preg with my daughter but like 7months preg. I dont know what it is. I am just w8n on ff to give me my cross lines already. I have my test 2moro. I am so excited to find out what they have to say bout that. I have to admit yes i bought some more baby clothes... lol.... hey they were a dollar. so cute... oh i cant w8 til i get my bfp i just miss holdin a baby ya know. i want to look into her or his eyes and see myself and my husband. I want to feel him r her move and have my hubby put his hand on my tummy. I cant w8 to hear their lil heart beat. I am even excited to throw up... BRING ON THE MORNING SICKNESS!!! I guess first i have to get my bfp... until then i will w8 patiently... TTYL

swtneka September 3rd, 2010 07:06 AM

Re: My 18month TTC Journey (and counting)
Well...(drum role please)... I got my crosslines... I am so stoked!!! I O'd Cd16 and I am 3dpo. Yay me. Im on my way to the Dr in bout an hour. I will update on how that goes. I need to look at somethings on the Net so BRB.... Well went to the dr and they took my blood. I asked her when will i get my results she said by tuesday r wednesday. I cant w8 to c what they have to say. Wow I have a major headache right now. its on the right side its like booming. ugh.... im really tired right now. I didnt get my usual nap b4 work. I been runnin all day. MIL wanted to me take her around and run some errands didnt get finish til 12 had to be to work at 1. I dont know y i am not sleep right now. I need to take my pharmacy right now. they sittin on the desk lookn at me now. i dont feel like swollowing. I felt some burnin sensation in my uterus area. dont know what that is. O i feel asleep in my car at lunch. lol i over slept too. somebody knocked on the window and woke me up. prob thought i was dead. i was sleepin good. ugh well i am buot to go now. TTYL

swtneka September 4th, 2010 11:27 PM

Re: My 18month TTC Journey (and counting)
4Dpo yay.... Today was an ok day nothing really to report. felt that burnin sensation in my uterus today. dont know what to make of that. Oh i know what i wanted to tell u bout. My dream. Last night i had a dream that i had a feelin i was preg so i wanted to take a test. I went to the bathroom sat on the toilet started goin put the test (which i never do i use cups) in my stream and i was just w8n. I looked at the test and it was BFP. I was so excited couldnt believe it. I wake up and I am layin in a big puddle of piss. I went to the bathroom on myslef. can u belive that. i am so happy dh was gone already for work. lol well i am off to bed... TTYL

swtneka September 5th, 2010 11:07 PM

Re: My 18month TTC Journey (and counting)
well nothing to report today. except i was havin some major breast pain. but i chalked it up the fact that i wore a bad bra. I wore the bra that is lace all the way through and my nipple is getting caught in the laces which is not a good feeling. Im extremely tired. I am just gettin off from work and watching hairspray...i love this show. .I am still having crazy dreams but last night i had bout 3 dreams. one was bout my co worker that she went in labor and i was there rubbin her back cuz her husband didnt want to touch her. IMO he is a jerk not condiderate at all but who am i to judge. Well I am 6dpo and I cant w8 to c if i get af in 4 days.... Well TTYL

swtneka September 6th, 2010 09:00 PM

Re: My 18month TTC Journey (and counting)
Well ihave not gotten any sleep today. i didnt even bother tempin this morn when i woke cuz i hadnt been to sleep. I woke up at 430 to take hubby to work and then i had to get MIL and bring to work then had to pick up 19 month old neice to watch her so i guess u know that means i have not slept. that lil girl is soooo spoil and dont listen. but i love her so. I tried to catch a nap but that didnt go to well. I dont k now y i am still up. I am not feeling well. i think i over ate r something. I am also constipated so my tummy hurts. MY SIL came to pick up her lil girl and saw me and she was like "r u preg" I didnt even answer her. I cant w8 to find out my results i hope they r in 2moro. Well i just came on to c how every1 is. C if there is any new bfp's. TTYL

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