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mrsEuphoria1 October 19th, 2012 10:21 AM

Christine's TTC Journal 1
Entry 1:
I wish someone would have told me this process of trying to get pregnant would also cause temporary insanity. I'm an educated adult for crying out loud. I hate feeling like I spent half my life trying to avoid this when obviously it's much harder than I was lead to believe. I could have been enjoying my sex life and not freaking out about condoms and birth control allllllllll those months. So long story short, our first month I got my AF 3 days late and swore i was pregnant already. I had convinced myself that I had all the signs and the DH was soo excited. After all, us starting now was completely his idea as he's older. Needless to say, I was just stressing out over mid-terms, work, etc and ended up getting 2 BFNs followed shortly by AF which lasted for an extra 2 days...So 7 days of feeling awful.

Skip forward to this month, the DH wanted to plan more as 9 months from now would still work out for us as we'd have 2 months off from school to get things settled with the little one. So we planned out when the big ovulation date would happen and have been making sure to do things before that time. Who would have thought the whole sex thing could feel like such a chore though. My god, way to take all the romance and fun out of what used to be relaxing and intimate. On my weekends off of work I'm still focusing on finishing up my practicum and so we were on opposite schedules as he works nights and I was working days. That meant a day before ovulation we would see each other for 30 minutes in the AM and then 30 minutes at night before he left to work... Having to plan sex around that was awful and then it practically felt like I had to drag the DH into the bedroom. Don't get me wrong, he's completely on board and very very supportive but even so it sort of felt like "Okay after the dishes we absolutely have to do this so get ready" more than any act of love etc... If that makes sense.
Then of course my scumbag brain starts wondering "Well why didn't he initiate things since this whole thing was his idea... Maybe he doesn't find me attractive anymore... Oh god I've gained weight haven't I!? WHAT HAPPENS IF I DO GET PREGNANT AND HE DOESN'T want to touch me anymore because I'll be even heavier!?!!?" (Mind you I'm not overweight at all, just slowly losing my mind) Then to make matters worse, after it's all over and I'm feeling a little better about myself my brain again messes with my head and I start wondering, "What if he didn't even finish and he just did it because he knew today was an important day? SHUT UP brain, he wouldn't do that he loves you and besides that's never been an issue before" I swear, I don't have a history of mental illness lol. So yeah, 3 more days of definitely having to plan things out.... And then we can go back to being normal and letting it happen when it happens...YAY

Nicholle ttc October 19th, 2012 01:22 PM

Re: Christine's TTC Journal 1
Hi again sweetie! Welcome to journaling! :bluecheer:

OMG, I felt the same way about birth control, sadly I really didn't need to be as careful! :rolleyes:

When we first ttcing, we all have those same thoughts and concerns, so don't worry, we know what you are going through. Sex can feel like a chore sometimes, but spicing it up can be fun! ;)

Oh and no one thinks you're crazy, ttcing messes with your mind. Hopefully you will never know this (as hopefully you'll get your BFP soon), but with time, you become a bit more patient.


[email protected] October 20th, 2012 05:25 PM

Re: Christine's TTC Journal 1
Yay for another journal to stalk! that about felt like i was reading my own mind in some parts :giggle: TTC does make us all a bit crazy at time and I would say its completely normal. Its great that your DH is on board!

Sex..yep it does take a difference turn when you start TTC, we tend to have two types of sex these days...Really good sex like we always have and then baby making sex cos we need/have to due to timing. I figure as long as were still having the first kind then I can live with the having the second kind too...KWIM?

Sending you some baby dust :dust: :dust:

mrsEuphoria1 October 21st, 2012 02:38 PM

Re: Christine's TTC Journal 1
Glad I'm not alone in the two types =P Baby dust to you guys too!

So yeah, entry 2: Day 15
I'm starting to wonder if I don't have like some sort of female reproductive problem. I got off the pill almost a year ago now but whenever the DH and I started using condoms I had major break through problems and pain in my uterus. I visited my OBGYN who tested me for everything under the sun (even STDS though I explained I'd been with my DH for 10 years lol) and they couldn't find anything. She sent me to see a specialist who looked at my cervix and I had an ultrasound which came back clean. The OBGYN then explained maybe I had been on the BC for too long as I started taking it at 13 due to SEVERE menstrual cramps. [They thought it could be endometriosis but didn't do the full test since I was so young] So once I got off the pills my periods were normal and no more bleeding. Lately though now that we're doing the BD more often I have noticed that my uterus is killing me again... No break through blood yet but super bad cramps. Hoping I'm just feeling bloated from ovulation or something.

mrsEuphoria1 October 23rd, 2012 09:40 AM

Re: Christine's TTC Journal 1
Entry 3: CD:17/3DPO
Guess I'm officially back in the two week wait window now. Nothing exciting to note as the cramps have definitely subsided over the last 2 days. The plan is just to take it easy, relax, cross my fingers, and wait it out :) I've got plenty to focus on with work and school so hopefully I won't jump the gun and test before AF is due/shows her ugly face. I promised myself I wouldn't test until I was at least 1 week late this time so I don't get my hopes up like last month when she AF trolled me an hour after my 3rd BFN and 3 days late...

momology October 23rd, 2012 09:53 AM

Re: Christine's TTC Journal 1
I feel exactly the same way!! I never expected myself to become so TTC consumed and a little crazy. . . maybe a lot crazy =) I feel significantly less alone now!

Thanks for sharing wishing you so much baby dust!!!

:dust: :dust::dust::dust:

[email protected] October 23rd, 2012 10:46 AM

Re: Christine's TTC Journal 1
Glad the cramps have subsided, yay for the 2ww - longest 2 weeks ever! I'm sure im not the only one thats found that the quickest way to bring on AF if shes late is to POAS, im sure the witch just knows...

:dust: :dust: :dust:

mrsEuphoria1 October 26th, 2012 09:00 AM

Re: Christine's TTC Journal 1
Entry 4: Cd 20, 6DPO. So two people have mentioned the baby/pregnancy thing... A co-worker just asked randomly out of the blue earlier. To which I promptly checked the scale thinking "Omigod, not yet so I must be just getting fat" but it still read 102. Whew! But no, then next the grocery store counter lady asked, "So no baby yet?" and we definitely haven't told ANYONE that we have started this process, let alone acquaintances. It'd be kinda funny if they knew something I didn't lol but way too early to know obviously!

A friend was talking to me earlier though and mentioned that it's apparently supposed to be harder to get pregnant when a woman works overnights/graveyard because that messes with their cycles. Gonna see how much of that is actually true later. She also tried telling me all about CM (with googled pictures) but yeah, even if I finished my education and made it to be an OBGYN (not that I want to but just saying) I'd probably still have no idea what I'm feeling/looking for haha. So yup, next month/cycle I'll definitely be starting the OPK/temp stuff... For all I know, I may have no even ovulated as I simply guessed the 14th day and just BD'ed for the week before/after =P

the snyders October 26th, 2012 09:24 AM

Re: Christine's TTC Journal 1
I am right there with you. I have told my best friend that we are trying, but everyone usually asks us about once a week, so are you pregnant yet?! It really gets old, almost as old as "how is married life" when we lived together for how long and nothing changed except my name ;)

Also with ya on the CM!!! We usually start BDing on day 10 and we stick with every other day! He rather enjoys it!! ;) :p

mrsEuphoria1 October 28th, 2012 03:22 AM

Re: Christine's TTC Journal 1
Haha, very similar with us and the "How's married life going?" thing.. We dated/lived together 10 years before we finally got married so it's like "Meh, I have a ring now and my name is officially changed? but that's about it....."

Entry 5: CD: 22, 8DPO
The DH annoys the crap out of me sometimes with how optimistic he is about this whole baby thing. The first cycle we tried and even the FIRST BD without protection he immediately started this whole, "I knocked you up" thing which he thinks is cute. (He doesn't do it be a jerk) He'll usually follow up his comments with things like, "I'm sure you're pregnant! Your WHOLE family has like 12 kids and gets pregnant like every other day" and at first I sorta went along with it thinking, "Maybe he's right... My mom did get married in Dec and by Jan 1st she was pregnant so that'd be One attempt" but obviously that didn't happen for us... So now that we're on cycle 2 and I'm already 8dpo and no sign/symptoms of implantation, it irritates me to the point that I want to slap him... I guess I'm more superstitous than I thought in a way too because hearing him say, "Oh you're so pregnant, I can totally tell already" makes me think he's jinxing it... Plus I worry that if it DOES take us awhile (6 months, a year, who knows) hearing this repetedly is only going to cause a bit of resentment... As I'm sure you ladies are familiar with, it hurts getting your hopes up repeatedly... And even worse if you feel like you're constantly a failure and letting some else down. <_<

jillviray October 28th, 2012 03:58 AM

Re: Christine's TTC Journal 1
Temporary insanity is so normal but avoid negative thoughts because it might affect your relationship. Always think for good vibes! God bless!

the snyders October 29th, 2012 07:23 AM

Re: Christine's TTC Journal 1
When my DH and I first started ttc he would say the same things, but he has stopped because he knows how much it upsets me. This weekend we went and visitied with his dad and yet again he asked when he could have grandkids (we haven't told anyone we are ttc). It upsets me because his dad was never one to push us or tell us to do anything! So now I feel like we are letting him down too!

Try to stay positive and go along with him. I don't think my DH knows how much stress we put on ourselves and he tries to make it fun, so I have to give him credit for that! Maybe that is all your DH is trying to do, cause lets face it we have to laugh to try and stay sane :D. Best of luck I hope this is your cycle!!!!

mrsEuphoria1 November 1st, 2012 05:01 AM

Re: Christine's TTC Journal 1
Entry 6: CD: 26, EST DPO 10/11ish
A friend of mine was telling me about how in her last 3 pregnancies her cm became super heavy/slimy/and thick and very noticable when wiping immediately after implantation. Of course I goggled this being the obsessive person I am and apparently it is a huge sign for most women. Seeing how I'm already 11ish days past ovuluation, I'm probably out of the count for this month as I definitely am not having any noticable discharge... Guess it's time to prepare for AF that should be here on Saturday afternoon.. <_< Gonna make sure I buy an OPK this next cycle too as I'm still not 100% sold on knowing when/if I ovulate regularly.

mrsEuphoria1 November 3rd, 2012 05:13 PM

Re: Christine's TTC Journal 1
CD: 29 DPO: 13ish
Okay trying so badly not to get my hopes up but AF is running late officially.. However I have had intense cramps for about the last 24 hours and earlier I did have a ton of thick white discharge similar to what my friend described. Guessing my hormones are all sorts of out of whack though and I'll probably see my monthly visitor later tonight. Either way, holding true to my initial plan of not testing until I am at least 1 week late since AF showed up 3 days overdue last cycle. :noaf:

mrsEuphoria1 November 4th, 2012 08:36 PM

Re: Christine's TTC Journal 1
CD: 1
AF showed =/ I hate that for some unknown reason now that we've started TTC my body has decided to repeatedly get my hopes up. Was 1.5 days late this time. :rant: Guess I really gotta start charting and using that OPK... 9 months from next next attempt is the EXACT date I start my nursing program... So given our luck, I'm sure this'll be our cycle and we'll have to re-plan everything. The DH is sure we can figure it out though... [Will be rough with us both working full-time/attending school fulltime and not having a family sitter option] Really wanted it to happen earlier so that I could have 2 months off before the semester to rework things vs pushing back starting all together.. Que Serrah Serrah I guess... ONTO attempt 3!:sigh:

praying4amiraclebaby November 7th, 2012 11:47 AM

Re: Christine's TTC Journal 1
I am sorry the :witch: showed up . Maybe november will be your month :) :fingerscrossed: for you and sending you lots of baby :dust:

momology November 7th, 2012 03:11 PM

Re: Christine's TTC Journal 1
Sorry AF showed up :angry2: always disappointing. . . Fx for this next cycle for you!!! Sending you sooo much baby dust!!! :dust::dust::dust:

mrsEuphoria1 November 13th, 2012 02:40 AM

Re: Christine's TTC Journal 1
Note: For those of you that actually read this, I wanted to apologize as I've realized I use this space mostly just to vent!

Onto the venting...

CD: 9 Cycle 3
So I've been charting and what not this month as my friend convinced me that since my periods have been so out of whack just guessing when the big O day comes is probably pretty unrealistic. Plus I've noticed that trying to use those online trackers is a joke. Every site gives me a different estimation somehow?

So I gave in and started a FF account and bought some OPK stripes. The DH has been supportive of the whole OPK thing but ugh sometimes he just doesn't get it. He's in this mind set that if we BD immediately as soon as it goes positive then boom we'll be pregnant. So i've explained to him a few times that we should be BD'ing BEFOREHAND especially since given this is my first month of tracking I could easily screw it up majorly =P

And I still hate trying to plan BD'ing... It's awful. Normally we have a great sex life (I know, TMI) but for some reason he seems more interested in doing it when I'm NOT in that particular window of fertility. It's not a conscious thing either on his part so maybe it's pheromones or what not? Plus with our crazy schedules it's hard to plan BD'ing... For example, I get off work tomorrow morning at 8 but then I've gotta be at class by 2-9pm and then I drive immediately to work following class again. That means it's either BD'ing or trying to squeeze in a measily 5 hours of sleep =/

Our basic Bd'ing plan was going to be every other day but I kinda wanted to get it out of the way today but of course he wasn't ready... He insisted he had to shave before hand and we got up late and time just slipped away... So now I somewhat feel like we're behind and so tomorrow we definitely need to get things done as my window is apparently anywhere from today - the 22nd According to the sites online. Thank god I got the OPK so that from now on I'll actually have a small timeframe to be so concerned about

This week is going to be rough though as our schedules don't change much. We both work straight nights and then all day on Thursday we have classes and then we both immediately go right back to work thursday night. Friday & saturday I spend 10 hours each day finishing up my practicum so that leaves us like Sunday together before we restart our crazy lives. (Somehow though, we will FIT this whole BD'ing every other day into this timeframe!!!!)

Obviously when we do finally have our child these insane working nights/going to school during the day/no freetime lifestyles of ours will have to change. I don't think that'll be such a bad thing though ^_^ Think I'd much rather take a semester off, sleep at night for once, ACTUALLY SEE MY husband for more than 5 hours of BD'ing/sleeping per day, and have a baby to snuggle during the day with vs a professor lecturing at me for 4-8 hours a day.

Nicholle ttc November 13th, 2012 06:38 AM

Re: Christine's TTC Journal 1
:bighug: Hopefully you'll get some fun BDing in during your fertile window. And always feel free to vent. That's what we are here for! :)

mrsEuphoria1 November 14th, 2012 02:47 AM

Re: Christine's TTC Journal 1
CD 10/11 (it's the middle of the night so never know which day to really label these entries haha)

Today was good. Got home and the DH was ready! I walked in and he was all "It's BABY MAKING TIME" Even bought muffins since he knew I had a 5 hour window to eat, shower, bd, and sleep before having to get back up for school. So that was awesome ^_^ Somehow I survived the class and managed to get wednesday (tomorrow) off of work so I CAN SLEEP FOR ONCE before another huge huge huge exam on Thursday. Lastly, I feel confident that at least I know how to pee on the OPK stick correctly! Got my first slight pink line! (How exciting!!) It wasn't quite as pink as the control but I'm guessing that means my body is gearing up for it soon. In the mean time, we'll just have to keep up the BD'ing in hopes that this month we catch the egg. :superman:

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