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-   -   Elle's TTC #1 Journal (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f352-ttc-journals/2623412-elles-ttc-1-journal.html)

momology February 8th, 2013 09:14 AM

Elle's TTC #1 Journal
A little about me - my name is Elle (27) and DH and I have been TTC since August 2012. I went off BCP in April of 2012 but it took until August for my body to get "normalized" and back on track with even cycles. I didnt have a period several months and then a few wonky cycles - that was our first surprise in the journey.

In November 2012 we got our first BFP and we were so excited. But I guess I knew something was wrong from the start. I had a lot of spotting, betas that suggested twins but weren't going up quite fast enough, extreme nausea, and a due date that wouldn't stay still (apparently all signs of a molar pregnancy). My doctor moved the due date over 2 weeks back in the end - We had 2 U/S where we saw the heart beat at 6 weeks and 8 weeks. I was on partial bed rest for about a month during this time due to the spotting. I had the hardest time getting a hold of my doctor and they kept sending me home the last time with him saying "there is nothing wrong and no reason this pregnancy wont be healthy." I finally switched doctors because my old one just wouldn't listen (new one is amazing) and went in for my 12 week scan on Jan 10, 2013 and found the baby no longer had a heartbeat.

Jan 11, 2013 I had the D&C and was told everything went great and we could go right back to TTC 2 weeks later. The bleeding post D&C lasted right around 2 weeks and then everything started to feel a little more normal (physically). We immediately went back to TTC.

A week after that I got the call that I had a rare problem known as a partial molar pregnancy. This means that 2 sperm fertilized 1 egg and the extra chromosomes made it impossible for the baby to progress and can also be dangerous and metastasize after the miscarriage.

This leads to where we are now. We are told we will be waiting anywhere from 6 months to over a year (depending on how fast my beta numbers fall) until we can start trying again and that the chance of another molar pregnancy is increased for us the next time we try. So for now I go in once a week to monitor my blood tests to make sure the HCG levels continue to fall and are not going to cause further issues.

Summary of Entire TTC Journey
4 Months waiting on cycle to "normalize" (doctor said we must wait to TTC)
Cycle 1 TTC: BFN
Cycle 2 TTC: BFN
Cycle 3 TTC: BFN
Cycle 4 TTC: BFP - Molar pregnancy miscarriage (12 weeks) D&C
2.5 months of waiting for zero beta
3 months waiting to confirm zero betas
Cycle 5 TTC: BFN
Cycle 6 TTC: BFP - Miscarriage (8 weeks) D&C - Not molar!!!
Cycle 7 TTC: BFN
Cycle 8 TTC: BFN
Cycle 9 TTC: BFP!!!!!!! Keeping everything crossed. . .

Molar Pregnancy: 1/11/13 - D&C

Here are all the betas:
1/29/13 - 180
2/04/13 - 73
2/12/13 - 36
2/19/13 - 24
2/26/13 - 15
3/05/13- 12
3/12/13 - 8
3/19/13 - 7
3/26/13 - <5 FIRST ZERO BETA!!!!!!!!!!!!
4/23/13 - <1 First month confirmed zero
5/21/13 - <1 Second month confirmed zero
6/18/13 - <1 Third month confirmed zero

BabyBirdies February 8th, 2013 09:26 AM

Re: Elle's TTC #1 Journal
Hi there! I'm glad you started a journal, even if it isn't for the greatest reasons :bighug: Looking forward to sharing your journey with you!

Nicholle ttc February 8th, 2013 10:57 AM

Re: Elle's TTC #1 Journal
Hi Elle,

So excited that you started a journal!!! Welcome to the club! It really helps to get it all out! Hopefully, your stay here won't be as long as you think! Just know, as always, that we are here for you! :bighug:

[email protected] February 8th, 2013 11:52 AM

Re: Elle's TTC #1 Journal
Hi Elle, I'm sorry to hear about your news from the doctor and that you'll be sticking around here for a while (not that we dont love having you here of course!). I think starting a journal is a great idea and i know it helps me to get things down when my head feels like its swimming


momology February 11th, 2013 08:21 AM

Re: Elle's TTC #1 Journal
Finally something positive - after having a sort of crazy looking chart I think I may have Od last Wednesday 27 days post surgery (not positive but it matches up with CM). My body seems to be finally coming back to normal and I think I will really feel that way once AF shows.

Next beta test is tomorrow! Fx for zero but I know that is too hopeful :p

Nicholle ttc February 11th, 2013 10:07 AM

Re: Elle's TTC #1 Journal
F/X'd for you Elle!

[email protected] February 11th, 2013 11:20 AM

Re: Elle's TTC #1 Journal
:fingerscrossed: for betas as low as low can be!

momology February 12th, 2013 10:16 AM

Re: Elle's TTC #1 Journal
I had my 3rd blood draw taken today and I was feeling a little down after - I had to sign something saying all the information was correct and noticed my reason for testing was "missed abortion" I know it shouldn't matter but it still got me a little.

So a friend linked me to a tarot card reading just for funsies when I got back. . . I know it is silly but it was pretty spot on for most of it (especially the first 2) so I thought I would share it :giggle:

Card 1 (The Hermit) : How you feel about yourself now

You may be feeling lonely at this time or going through a period of introspection. If you are struggling to find answers to your questions give it time, they will come. This is a time for prudence and patience. If you have been unwell this is a time for rest and recuperation.

Card 2 (The Devil) : What you most want at this moment

The cards suggest that what you most want at this time you can't have, like the forbidden fruit, which makes it all the more tempting. Or you could go for it but you know that it would be a bad choice and for all the wrong reasons. Yes, you want passion and gratification - just be careful where you go looking for it.

Card 3 (Temperance) : Your fears

You are afraid that this period of harmony in your relationship or life in general is not going to last. Perhaps you are afraid a rival is going to cause conflict or already is and threatens to upset the peace and tranquillity you are enjoying. Any quarrels will be short lived so just try and enjoy the moment for what it is. If life is not joyful and tranquil at the moment you may fear that it never will be, take heart and be patient and life will soon have a sense of normality again.

Card 4 (The High Priestess) : What is going for you

All lines are open in your telephone exchange with your intuition, and there is no better guide than your intuition. Listen, listen carefully and the secret you want revealed will be shared with you.

Card 5 (The Moon) : What is going against you

You are frozen with fear, lack of nerve and confused as to what it is you actually want. You are allowing all your fears and anxieties to hold you back when you should be opening your mind to new and unexpected possibilities. You do need to be careful however, as there are deceitful people around who may seem charming but are only out for their own gains. If in a clandestine affair beware, your secret may be exposed.

Card 6 (The Magician) : Outcome

A time of positive action with great potential, you are full of self-belief and feeling very empowered. It's time to show everyone exactly what you're made of. You will have the ability to think on your feet and The Magician is an excellent omen for success.

Nicholle ttc February 12th, 2013 10:26 AM

Re: Elle's TTC #1 Journal
:hug: That phrase would get me too.

Your tarot card outcome is positive, so hopefully good things are in store for you soon! :)

When do you get your 3rd beta results? Hopefully it will be at 0!

momology February 12th, 2013 11:13 AM

Re: Elle's TTC #1 Journal
The 3rd betas come back Thursday! I am feeling a little extra hopeful this time :smile:

[email protected] February 12th, 2013 01:37 PM

Re: Elle's TTC #1 Journal
Aww yeah that wording would upset me too I think. Its not a nice word :hug:

I hope your results on thursday are low low low xx

momology February 15th, 2013 07:45 AM

Re: Elle's TTC #1 Journal
Newest HCG from 2/12/13 = 36

Finally figured out this online get your test results thing - hopefully I wont be waiting around on the doctor every week. But I am still waiting on a call from the doctor to tell me what she thinks it all means and probably for her to tell me to go back again next Tuesday. . .

So when I am looking at these numbers they seem to be going down by half each week - maybe there is some sort of curve these HCG levels follow when falling. . . :bookworm:
*IF* that is the case then by 3/4/13 I should be around 4.5 which is in the negative range (<5) :giggle: the nerdy scientist in me wants to be able to calculate this out I have no idea how it actually works.

So my prediction is:
2/19 ~18
2/26 ~9
3/4 ~4.5

Nicholle ttc February 15th, 2013 08:58 AM

Re: Elle's TTC #1 Journal
I'm still hoping that it goes down even faster and you're in the clear next week. One can hope right! F/X'd for you!

BabyBirdies February 15th, 2013 11:56 AM

Re: Elle's TTC #1 Journal
Keeping my fingers xed for you!! :hug:

plan4fate February 15th, 2013 12:31 PM

Re: Elle's TTC #1 Journal
it looks like your body is kicking it out by 1/2 every week. That's really really good. I don't think I have EVER seen anyone who had any type of molar have their betas consistently go down for so many weeks with out having one draw where it went up. I call good sign on that!!!!!

How many weeks does your doctor want it in negative status before he/she will clear you for ttc? 3m?

momology February 19th, 2013 08:22 AM

Re: Elle's TTC #1 Journal

Originally Posted by plan4fate (Post 27098071)
How many weeks does your doctor want it in negative status before he/she will clear you for ttc? 3m?

I wish I could ask my doctor about such things but it seems now the only person I get to talk to is a nurse who finds me very annoying. . .

Their office never called with my number last week (I looked them up online so I stopped caring) but I had to call today to make sure they sent over the request for me to get my blood tested again today and the nurse seemed so annoyed and told me maybe she would get to it today!! But my doctor previously told me to try and go every week same day about the same time!! When I try to ask my other questions she always tells me we can go over that later. . . I know I am not critical anymore and it will take how ever long it takes for my numbers to go down but it is important to me!! I am trying to not care too much about this though because they were so good to me through everything else (my surgery etc) and the doctor called me personally several times - I get that I am just no longer a priority. . . it is just frustrating to me that they never let me know anything anymore and I am the only advocate for my continuing care.

Okay end of my vent and on the positive side - I went to visit my parents in New Orleans this weekend and went pretty much the whole weekend with out thinking too much about it all!! There are almost no pregnant women walking around NOLA :giggle: and we had a really good time - great food and wine plus quality time with my parents. It was a great little get away weekend!!!

Some pics of my favorites from the weekend:

BabyBirdies February 19th, 2013 10:27 AM

Re: Elle's TTC #1 Journal
If this keeps up, tell the doctor that she's not putting you on any kind of priority. Like, you have a doctors order, you're not just making it up. Good lord. :hug: From my experience with my dad's office, it's so hard for the doctors to keep up if people are being badly treated by staff unless someone tells them. :hug:

momology February 21st, 2013 08:38 AM

Re: Elle's TTC #1 Journal
I took Jessica's advice and after some complaining I was finally able to talk things out with a different nurse and I am feeling a little better. She says my doctor will want a minimum of 2-3 months of a zero result and she will let me know more specifically once I get my first zero result and I come in for a check up. So I am really really deep down hoping that means I can get my zero early march and confirm in April and May and be cleared but that is an earliest case scenario. . . It will more likely be between June and August which feels so far away!

In other news. . . AF showed up last night!!! 40 days post surgery which is only 5 days longer than my normal average cycle so I am pretty pleased with that. Too bad I am grumpier than ever and it is a really painful one. . . but I will take it because it really makes me feel like my body is getting back on track. Poor DH is along for my emotional roller coaster this week. . .

BabyBirdies February 21st, 2013 09:51 AM

Re: Elle's TTC #1 Journal
:hug: I'm so glad you were able to get better answers from a different nurse! I know it feels like a long road, but you will get there eventually, and we will be here with you. I'm glad your cycle came back again - that's a really good sign, I think! :hug:

momology February 22nd, 2013 08:01 AM

Re: Elle's TTC #1 Journal
I just got my 4th week beta back this morning (online since they dont call anymore apparently) and it was 24 :( I know it is still going down. . . but it stopped halving I was really expecting at least below 18 and secretly hoping for 0 so the 24 was disappointing.

I will have to wait and see what my doctor has to say about this - but she already told me if the rate slowed down I would probably have to come in but I am not sure why now. . .

I think I am just a little extra down today because AF is in full force and I just want to throw things. . . :brickwall: I dont think I have ever been so grouchy and down from AF.

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