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-   -   Guess I better tell my SO (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/11250-guess-i-better-tell-my-so.html)

Zanahoria January 13th, 2005 09:11 PM

That's right, I haven't told my boyfriend the news yet, and I have no idea why, but I'm nervous as heck about it! A little history on us:

We met through a video gaming clan about 2 years ago from halfway across the country. Once we met face to face, the sparks really flew, and a few months later I was living with him. We've been together about 6 months now, and have talked a little bit about the future and having children. But we'd planned that stuff for some time from now, after we both finish college and what not. He had told me that he is very much looking forward to having kids, just not right now. (He's very unhappy with his job and wanted to be doing something he loved and be more "settled" first.) But he also did tell me that if an accident ever happened, abortion/adoption would not be an option for him and he would want to have the baby.

Well now it's time to tell him that the aforementioned accident HAS happened, and I know he'll be supportive, but I'm still so nervous about it anyway. I'm currently unemployed, and have been since we've been together, and although on the outside he says he doesn't mind and he actually kind of enjoys having someone to take care of, I think on the inside he's wishing I was adding an income to the household bills. (we currently have two roommates, and that's a whole other dilemma right there... to stay here or move?) I'm sure he will start to stress about money once I tell him, and although I'm going to start rigorously looking for work next week, I know he's going to stress about it anyway. Also, we're not married, which isn't a big deal for me or my family, but I think it will be for him. He's a southern boy, full of that classic southern chivalry, and I know he'll start thinking we have to tie the knot before the baby is born. I want to marry him, I love him with all my heart, but I want him to marry me because he loves me, not because he feels obligated to. I suppose that bridge is one we'll cross when we come to it though. As for the question at hand....

What would be the gentlest way to break the news to him that our plans have been stepped up a year or two? Would it be wise to just bluntly blurt it out, or should I find a way to let him mentally prepare for it a bit? I was thinking perhaps I wouldn't tell him that I already have tested positive, and instead I might say something along the lines of "I don't want to panic you, but I'm a couple days late" and then let him sit on the possibility that I might be pregnant and then re-test together in a couple days. I don't know... what do you guys think?

TylerJ1029 January 13th, 2005 09:17 PM

I think I should just be honest with you. Tell him that you were late and decided to test. You assumed that it would be negative so you didnt tell him at first. It came back positive and you were in so much shock that you couldnt tell him right away. Tell him that you love him and you knew your plans werent gonna go as planned so you need time to sit on you and adjust. That's what I would do at least. If you think he'll be really pissed or hurt then go with plan B ;)

Zanahoria January 13th, 2005 09:41 PM

But.... I'm not even late yet! AF isn't even due until tomorrow! I don't even know why I decided to test, I guess maybe I just sorta felt it in my heart that I was pregnant? If I was going to say that I was late, I'd have to wait a few more days, and I want to get this over with and share the news with the man who matters most in my life. (and he knows my cycle pretty well, and knows for sure when my LMP started because I went out of town the next day)

Oh, and I know he won't be really pissed or anything like that. A few months ago I had a dream that I was pregnant and he started screaming and threw me out of the house when I told him. He could tell I was having a nightmare because I was twitching and crying and grunting in my sleep, so he woke me up and I told him about the bad dream I had. The first thing out of his mouth was, "Well, are you pregnant?" I said no, and then he said "Awww, why would you think that I'd be mad at you? It takes two to make a baby and I'd never be mad at you or even myself if it really happened," accompanied by lots of hugs and kisses. So I know he's not going to be mad, and I don't even really know why I'm stressing so much about telling him, I guess I just don't want to see him get stressed out and I'm venting here. I have no idea if he's going to be really happy when I tell him, or if he's going to go "Oh s**t."

kjomomma January 13th, 2005 09:43 PM

I agree with Jen, just give it to him straight. One time when I found out I was pregnant I threw the test in dh's lap while he was on the computer. Didn't go over well. he had just got home from work and was in a bad mood. so check out his mood before you tell him. This time I met him at the door crying and freaking out with the test stick in hand....yea that did not go over well either. lol

pattyandthemoos January 14th, 2005 10:29 AM

Well I think it is always hard to tell about an unplanned baby. When I told my dh about Brandon it did not go well. But the longer you wait the harder it will be. Dh is happy about Brandon now and sorry he acted the way he did.

Zanahoria January 14th, 2005 05:04 PM

Sheesh, I don't know what I was nervous about; I've got the sweetest, most wonderful, supportive boyfriend ever! He kind of sat there staring at the wall for a minute, then immediately called his parents. I don't know what his mother said to him, but she must have worked some magic because he was as calm as I've ever seen him, and within an hour he was actually excited. So, woohoo!

Mom2KRB January 18th, 2005 06:22 PM

OMG!! That's fantastic! I'm so happy for you. :) Have a happy and healthy nine months.

mommyand3 January 19th, 2005 10:02 AM

Congrats!! How exciting!!

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