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-   -   How do I tell my mom? (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/142301-how-do-i-tell-my-mom.html)

MirandasMommy January 29th, 2006 09:39 AM

Hi. I'm new to the forum. I'm a 20 year college student and just found out yesterday that I'm pregnant. This was an unplanned pregnancy, and I don't believe in abortion, don't feel like I could ever give it up for adoption, so we decided we're going to keep it. The only problem is that I don't know how to tell my mom. Any advice or suggestions would be great.

rachel_claire January 29th, 2006 09:57 AM

:welcome: Congrats! I'm 20 as well and have a baby boy due May 27th. When I told my mom, it was after I put thought into the whole situation. It can be overwhelming and I wanted to make sure I stayed level headed when talking to mom and I didn't want to flip out or become too upset when I heard her reaction. I also talked with the father alot about it to make sure it was the right thing to do and that we were going to support eachother through the whole thing. I think you should just think about how you want to tell her and keep a level head if she doesn't have the most positive response! Hopefully she'll support you and be there for you, but if not, don't get too down, there are other ways to get support!!! Good luck and hope to see you on here more!!! :cheer:

nat81 January 29th, 2006 10:10 AM

Welcome and congrats! It's never easy breaking an unplanned pregnancy to anyone! I was 23 when I got pregnant, just out of University and had only been with my bf for about 8 months. I was more worried about telling my dad... so I called him up (he lives 4 hours away) and told him I had some unexpected news. He took it really well... I told him bf and I cried but felt that everything would be okay and that we were happy about it.

Anyway, there's no right way to say it! Good luck hun and let us know how it went.

MirandasMommy January 29th, 2006 10:52 AM

Thanks so much for ya'll advice! I plan on calling my mom today. I'll let you guys know how it goes!

SadieCass January 29th, 2006 10:55 AM


When I had my DS, now 8, it was also unplanned and telling my parents was my biggest worry. I was supposed to head back to school in one month, and my 'fiance' had dumped me literally two days before and wanted nothing to do with me (and it would later turn out, his son, either). Lucky for you, it sounds like your relationship with the father is much better.

My mom had always been a big support for me, so she was the first person I told. I picked up the phone and called her immediately (she lived 4 hours away at the time). She was the first to suggest adoption...but like you I couldn't do adoption, and none of us agree with abortion (personally, it's an individual decision IMHO). She was disappointed that I was keeping the baby at first, but very quickly grew to be excited and anxious for the arrival of her grandchild.

My dad was another story. He and I have had a rocky relationship over the years because we are so similar in many ways...and both have hot tempers. We'd grown a lot closer, but it was still nerve-wracking telling him. He came down and had lunch with me (planned before I took the test), and I was glad for the public discussion...it eased my fear of him blowing his top. He took it calmly and discussed the matter with me. He was disappointed in me for allowing it to happen...but now he is still a central figure in my son's life, even though we no longer live with them.

Both my parents were disappointed, but knowing a grandchild was onthe way soon took absolute precedence. They supported me so far as to take me in after DS was born when I finally realized that the father would be no help. They helped me raise him for 3 years until I met and married my DH.

Basically, you know your relationship with your mom better than anyone here. If you two have lunches or talks, get together for one of those. If you aren't as close, take her out anyway...it is a special, if nerve-wracking, occasion when you're telling someone they're going to be a grandparent. Tell her you haev some surprising, but ultimately wonderful news, and let her know that she'll have a grandchild to spoil soon. She'll have tons of questions about what's going on with your relationship with teh father, how it happened, etc...be prepared to answer. Take a sonogram pic if you have one...include her.

Most of all remember, she'll need as much time to adjust as you did. It's a shock when you aren't planning on being a GP for a few more years ;)

Just remember, despite your fear in telling her, you are genuinely happy about this life...and she will be too :D

brigitte January 29th, 2006 01:32 PM

Well first off, CONGRATS on the new little one to come!!! How exciting!

Well, I've got my own little one on the way due June 6th, and it was unplanned. My bf and I had only been together for about 5 months before it happened! So telling my mom and sister was very nerve wracking considering it was with a guy I hadn't been with long.
Well I know my mom and sister very well, and they're very supportive and understanding people so I decided to take the cute way of telling them.
I got my mom a card that said: Congrats on your new grandchild! (then it had this cute little poem inside which I can't quite remember but it ended with "ready, set, spoil! Let the Grand-times begin!!" hehehe...still makes me cry to this day!! Then I wrote inside: Mom, not knowing your reaction, I thought I give you this card, so that one day you'll be able to look back on it and remember this day as the happiest day of your life.) and a card for my sister saying Congrats on being a new auntie!
I gave my mom hers first, she read it and was like "Grandchild? huhn?....wait! OMG! Grandchild!!!! You're pregnant!!" And to my surprise, she jumped up, and started crying tears of joy and came and gave me a big hug and kept saying how happy she was about becoming a grandma!
And I also my sister a play shotgun...for the Shot Gun Wedding!!!! She had a good laugh about that.

You'll find the best way to tell your mom...Go with her personality. If she's a warm fuzzy person, do it in a warm fuzzy way, if she's a really funny person, do it in a funny way...You know her best.

Good luck and keep us posted!!!

Ella! January 29th, 2006 01:33 PM

My advice is just be honest. Tell her it was unplanned but you dont want an abortion. Tell her you know it will be hard but in the end worth it. Good luck!! Let us know how it goes!! Hope to see you on the board more!!!

jezzica04 January 29th, 2006 03:35 PM

Hey and congrats on your pregnanacy!!! :cheer:

Well Im 19 and a full-time student (barely a sophmore) and this pregnancy was definitely unplanned. There is no easy way of telling your parent(s). I told my mom walking into wal-mart (lol yea great place i know) i just came out and said it. Just get the courage to say it dont sugar coat it or put it off...because the longer u put it off the harder it will be. And her reaction might be negative initially but just give her time to get use to it and dont get upset with her. My mom tried to talk me into an abortion (yea terrible but in her eyes she just felt it was the best thing to do since Im only 19 and still in school) but after a few weeks she got over it and she is so excited and supportive now. Well good luck and keep us updated!!!!

pcgirl January 30th, 2006 10:18 AM

The biggest thing to remember is that YOU ARE AN ADULT and even though you would rather have your parents support, you can manage without thier help if need be.

My parents were NOT involved in my children's lives - they have never babysat willingly (I think they watched my girls once when I absolutely had no choice). It wasn't by my choice but by thiers....my parents (my mom in particular) told me they were "too busy" to deal with my children.

I know it sounds terrible but that situation made me a stronger person. I was a single mother for a very long time. Today, with this new baby, I feel as if I can take on the world if I need to. I thank my parents (and my life experiences) for that.

Tell you parents and be proud of it! There's nothing they can do but support you in thier own way.

Good luck and let us know how it went!

Ella! January 30th, 2006 10:26 AM

So what happend? How did it go?

HotMama84 January 30th, 2006 10:29 AM

Just wanted to say congrats and good luck! :smile:

lilmamaw2 January 30th, 2006 01:50 PM

good luck!!! when i told my mom i was pregnant with my son who is 19m on the 1st of feb. she sat on the phone in total silence and said your kidding right? (i was 19yr at the time ) i was like no i'm pregnant but i didn't live at home and hadn't lived at home for 2almost 3yr at the time i'd been living with my now husband and she still acted all messed up about it even on my wedding day Jan. 9, 2004 she had the nerve to say to me are you sure you know what your doing don't you want to look around some more i was like MOM i've been w/ jimmy for 3yr we're having a baby why the hell would i look around. well to make a long story short my family now loves jimmy cuz i guess it took them seeing how he was with me being pregnant and how he took care of me i havent worked since i met him he's always supported me & thats by his choice and he's so good with our son Dillons lil eyes just light up every time daddy walks into the room and everything daddy dose Dillon has to try it too its so cute when i met jimmy we just worked together and i never would of thought 5years later (in may) we'd be married with one perfect lil boy and a lil girl on the way (April 3, 2006!!!) but here we are and our relationship is still as strong as ever so any ways i'm sure things will work out great for you and good luck with your mom just remember she'll come around mine did and now she can't get enough of Dillon my dad on the other hand has always been excited about his grandchildren telling him was a joy to do so GOOD LUCK!!!!!!

Olathe6 January 30th, 2006 04:26 PM

Congrats and good luck. You will feel much better after you tell your mom. I know I did. I was 18, almost 19 when I found out I was pregnant. I just straight out told my mom. She took it well and knew it could happen since I lived with my bf. She does not believe in abortion at all so there was no question there since I personally could not have an abortion.

Rebmasol January 30th, 2006 05:54 PM

congratulations, and good luck. it's definitely not easy but it has to be done, and there will never be a time when you are "READY" to tell her. i am 17, was terrified to tell my mom, but i knew there wasn't really anything she could do. she was very upset but was pregnant at 17 herself, so she was a bit understanding as well.

she may be upset at first, but will come around. :smile:

Telucero January 30th, 2006 07:04 PM

I read that you are going to tell you mother today...I hope she did not react negatively, and just remember, if she did, it wont last long. I'm 25 having an unplanned baby in July. I told my mother she was really upset for about a week, now I dont stop hearing the word "grandchild". Also, like someone said before, this is entirely your decision. Do not let ANYONE make you feel bad or guilty for doing what you believe in.

Keep us posted

Katie81 January 30th, 2006 08:12 PM

I am 24 and due June 1st with my first child. The pregnancy was very much unplanned, and although I have been married for 4 years, my husband and I really didnt feel ready for having a child. I told my mom as soon as I found out, mostly because I was scared and didnt know what to do. Both she and my Dad were supportive and told me that they would be there to help us out as much as they could. Six months later, they are remodeling a room in their house to be a nursey for our daughter since they will be babysitting full time while we work. Both my parents and his parents have been nothing but supportive and I am very much looking foward to meeting my daughter in 17 weeks. Good luck telling your mom and keep in mind that she loves you and her reaction will most likely be a lot better than you are imaging.

MirandasMommy January 31st, 2006 08:21 AM

Thanks so much for your replies!! My mom took it better then expected. At first she just kept saying "No, you're not. Stop playing." And I was like "I'm not playing, Mom." Then she just kind of got quiet, and I asked her if she was mad and she said no. Well I talked to her yesterday and she was saying that my step-dad keeps walking around calling her "Granny" and she said she wants our child to call her "Grammy" instead. So I guess now after the shock she's looking forward to her first grandchild!

nat81 January 31st, 2006 08:33 AM

That's great news!!!

Ella! January 31st, 2006 08:38 AM

Haha congrats! My stepmom tried to get her grandson to call her "mommy2" but he wouldnt do it.

brigitte January 31st, 2006 08:29 PM

That's AWESOME!!! My mom still can't figure out what she wants to be called...little does she know that she has no say in the matter. My grandma is "Mémére", so that's what she'll be!! hehehe Good for you!!! I'm so happy she took it well!

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