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brigitte January 30th, 2006 01:40 PM

How did everything turn out with your b/f? What happened?

jade_jade January 31st, 2006 09:51 AM

Hey Brigitte!

I told him that I am having this healthy baby whether he likes it or not but if he wants to be negative and unsupported about it, I'm not going to be around him. When I told him that I was leaving him if he was gonna continue to be an #####, he was a little embarrased. Well, he should be! For now, I don't give him updates or even talk to him. He's gonna have to make it up to me and our baby by making an effort.

He just keeps whining like a little girl about me being selfish b/c having this child is selfish when I can't afford him/her and am not ready. He says its selfish b/c I don't wanna face the guilt of having an ab but now the baby has to suffer. He also said ***BRIGITTE, YOU'RE GONNA SCREAM WHEN YOUR READ THIS** "my friend in the the US found out she was pregnant and is responsible enough to realize she is not ready for this baby. She went to have an ab the next week. Why can't you be more like her?"

I almost hit him. We don't live together so I don't have to deal with him everyday but I realized that I have enough love to give my child for the both of us. I would really love him to want to be a good father (he is a great dad to his 8 month old) to our baby but he's not good for me. He doeesn't support me or my decision to have this baby so screw him!

What confuses me though is that although he is so against this baby, everytime he sees me, he wants to see how my belly has grown....And when we sleep, I wake up to him rubbing my belly. It makes me cry b/c I want him to want this soo bad but I guess it's not gonna happen....

Well, that's the update for now...sorry it was so long. :blush: ...By the way...your belly looks so cute.


brigitte January 31st, 2006 08:09 PM

I'm so sorry to hear that he's being like that. And you were right, I almost punched the computer when I read what he wrote!! OMG! Well good for his little friend!

Let me tell you something. (Please don't think bad of me)....

When I was 20, my ex and I got pregnant. Well, I was very very very scared, and he was a jerk! He told me that if I kept this baby I would be a single mom. We had a great relationship up until then, then BOOM! His true colors came out! Well sadly, after tossing and turning over it, one week before they won't even perform an ab anymore, I went and had one. (still ashamed to this day). I just didn't think I could go through it alone. We ended up staying together for another 2 years after, but you know what? I never forgave him. Not because he was a jerk about it, but because after pressuring me, over a year later he told me he regretted the abortion and that he mostly just said all that because he was scared of having this baby, and the would have never left me to do it alone. *@!#$$% !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You're a lot stronger than I was. I mean, I fell for it. But you're not. So maybe when this baby comes he may just step up. It's obvious he's sh*t scared right now. (THIS DOES NOT EXCUSE HIS BEHAVIOUR THOUGH!!) It's just that, if he's great with his other little guy, and rubs your belly when you're sleeping, and then five seconds later acts like this whole thing isn't the slightest bit positve, he's obvioulsy confused. And that's why space is going to help soooo much! No more mixed signals, no more fighting. Let HIM be the one to sort through his crap. I mean, he already knows you're not "his friend in the US", so once that 3 month mark is passed, he may just wake up, and say "omg! this is really happening! ok...I can do this!!"
How was he when his ex got pregnant. Do you and her ever speak? If so, maybe you can go out for coffee or something and get some insight as to how he was with her. This may not be the best idea if you don't normally get along with her...lol Maybe if you and your guy have a mutual friend that knew him during that time, you could talk to that person and find out. Either way, he may just come around. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.
Good luck and of course keep us posted!

jade_jade February 1st, 2006 11:13 AM

Him and his ex decided they were gonna have an ab but last minute, she changed her mind. During the whole pregnancy, he was upset (we were friends). He kept saying how he wish that we never broke up the first time (we were together 3 yrs before) b/c then this would never have happened to him. He also kept saying how she "trapped" him. She was in the hospital for the last month b/c of high blood pressure...he only visited her 1 day. I think it was the day his son was born when everything changed so I guess i can be hopeful.

By the way, did you find out the sex of your baby yet?? I assume you did b/c I see the really cute ultrasound pic. How's the mother in law situation?

Thanks for listening


brigitte February 1st, 2006 07:32 PM

I'm hoping that everything turns out for you two. I hope he comes around...Otherwise, he'll be missing out on all the experiences a new little baby brings.

No, actually we didn't find out the sex! Can you believe it!!! The u/s tech did the whole u/s, we got 60 pictures of it, and yet he refused to tell us the sex! urgh!!!! So we're still clueless, apart from the gut feeling I have that it's a girl. And as for the mom situation...well....meh! Well she doesn't see me as anything more than just his g/f, so whatever...I guess this baby is "just my baby", not anything that's part of her family...I need to see some positive from her before I can see it any differently. But at least now it's no biggy how I feel about it, because my b/f has FINALLY gotten off my back about having this "warm and fuzzy", close relationship with her, so who cares how I feel!!! At least now I don't have him pressuring me to force myself to be all "close" with her.

Well, anyhoo, keep me posted on how things go with you and the dad. And give the baby a big tummy hug for me!!!

Kayasmommy February 2nd, 2006 05:53 AM

Sorry to butt in your guys conversations but i wanted to let Jade know that everything will be ok. your story sounds oh so familiar. You arent being selfish because there is help out there and some how us mothers end up making it by. I am, and i am going to school, doing this by myself, i dont even talk to the dad because i dont know how to get ahold if him, and hell he doesnt even know his daughter just had another surgery yesterday morning. I make it by, your love will get you by if anything. Friends are always willing to help any way that they can i have learned as well whether it only be someone to lean on. Dont give into him if you want your baby. I know that you can do it. My Baby girl is now 4 months old and we have been doing just fine. and let me tell you I am no rich person either, i have a job that pays 7 dollars an hour plus school. If i can make it you can as well.

jade_jade February 3rd, 2006 10:43 AM


Thanks to both Brigitte and Scared&excited for all your support! I know things will work out fine. Keep me updated on your situations!


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