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-   -   I think I'm just acting like a big sucky baby!! (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/149362-i-think-i-m-just-acting-like-big-sucky-baby.html)

brigitte February 9th, 2006 03:01 PM

I've been depressed all day! And for what?? My b/f just left for Montreal to visit his mom. I won't see him for at least 4 days. I don't think it's the fact that he's going to be gone for that long...I think it's mainly the fact that he's going to see her (oh yeah, by the way, she's the devil! :devil: ). I mean, she's apparently coming down here to visit next week, so why does he have to leave to see her now? Yeah yeah yeah, ok so the rest of his family is there too, but...urgh! I know I'm not being reasonable, but it's just how I feel. Also, another thing is, is that I know Mitch isn't really super thrilled the baby's a girl...He really wanted a boy...And that's ok, I know he's scared about having a girl...But when he called to tell his mom the news about the girl, she said she would pray that the u/s techs were wrong because she wants a grandSON not grandDAUGHTER. I don't care about what she thinks, considering I don't really care about her...But I care about HIM and he's soooooooooooo easily manipulated/swayed by others. And I'm scared if he surrounds himself too much around her (he's there for the week, then she's coming down for about 4 days after that...so that's a lot of Mom) he'll start to develop a really negative attitude about it too. She's succeeded in doing that to him before when he first told her about the pregnancy... A few hours with her and he calls me all in tears wanting an abortion all of a sudden. So going by past experience with the two of them, I'm scared.

Also, I'm starting to feel like I'm not actually going to be getting the help I'll really need once the baby comes. Mitch works two day 7am-7pm then 2days 7pm to 7am then gets 4 days off. So he works his 12 hours, comes home, stays up for a few hours, then sleeps until he has to get up to get ready for the next 12 hour shift. He's super adament about NEEDING his sleep and it must be undisturbed because if he gets woken up, he can't get back to sleep. Then teh 24 hours he gets between the 7am-7pm and 7pm-7am shifts are even more screwed up! He gets home at say 8pm, stays up till about 10pm sleeps, gets up at about 2am, stays up till about 7am then sleeps till about 5pm, gets ready for work then leaves for his 7pm shift. It's confusing I know...But if you stop and really figure it out, once the baby's here, when on earth does he expect to help out? Only when he's awake? He's up for only a few hours then has to leave for a 12 hour shift...the rest of the time he's sleeping and can't be disturbed! I'm just getting a little overwhelmed by how little he'll be helping on during the 5 days he works (or should I say 4 but one day is a weird in between day)...Sure the 4 days off will be good, but then I have to deal with 5 pretty much alone! And his excuse for it is "we'll someone has to make money! I'll have a job still when the baby comes, but you won't."
UH!!! does he not realize that being a mom IS a job...in fact it's a 24hour 7days a week job! I'll be breast feeding so no matter what, I'm constantly going to have to be there (except for the rare occasion when I'll pump so I can get a break!)...I mean! I'm freaking out here! And to top it, he's spending the next week to two weeks with his negative mother and god knows what kind of nonsense she'll feed him!!!!!

Ella! February 9th, 2006 03:46 PM

You arent acting like a baby! I dont know how close he is with his mom but I personally cant stand dating mommas boys! I would have suggested sitting down and talking to him about how you feel about his mother (who is making totally UNNECESSARY hurtful comments about your child) but I know from previous posts that you've tried and it didnt work. For one, I bet if you were having a boy she would want a girl... she seems determined not to accept this pregnancy or this baby, so forget her. If it was my MIL I'd say fine.. you dont want her to be a girl? Dont be around her, dont talk about her. The last thing your child needs is to feel unwanted by a grandmother because she isnt happy with YOU. She should be wishing for you to have a healthy pregnancy rather than a boy! No offense but she seems like a completetly unrational person who cant let go of her GROWN son. I wish for you and the baby that you could work it out between you two but so far it doesnt seem to be happening. Youre a great person, and all your baby needs is you. Keep us posted and enjoy your days of solitude... lol I wonder how I can get my DH to visit someone.... mmmm lol jk :P

MirandasMommy February 9th, 2006 03:59 PM

(((Hug))) Well first let me tell you I completely understand not getting along with your mother in law. The first day we told my mother in law that we were pregnant, she immediately went on and on and on about how we need to get married immediately (we were engaged before we found out I was pregnant). And everytime she calls me she doesn't ask how I'm doing she justs ask when we're getting married. Now this lady goes to church maybe, maybe, once a year, but said "well it's the right thing to do". Anyhow that's just a little bit what she's like. (She's really so much worse)

Now about the your bf working. I know where you're coming from on that b/c my fiance works 12 hours a day, and when he comes home he wants to play on his computer and be lazy and have NO responsibility whatsoever. I already know that I'm going to be the one always tending to the baby, because he'll say just what you're bf will "I'm the one who works all day and brings home the money." And, just like your bf, he thinks that cleaning the house, doing laundry, caring for a baby, etc. is sooo easy. I'm also going to breastfeed, but he thinks that everything I do everyday is done by magic apparently. He thinks I just tell the clothes to wash themselves, and the floor to vacuum themselves, etc.

AND...I was watching Good Morning America this morning, and all these ladies are on a cruise...well this one lady got to go on the cruise b/c her husband had sent in a letter saying that she takes care of the kids, does ALL of the housework, and never complains or thinks about herself and that she deserves something good. I started BAWLING!!! I was like "why can't Randy (my fiance) realize everything I do!

So I just wanted to let you know that you are NOT alone in this!! And if your b/f or his mom is ticked b/c the baby is a girl...tell them that he was the one that determined the sex!

Hope this made you feel better :)

brigitte February 9th, 2006 08:08 PM

Thanks for the replies...
I'm still feeling like crap though. My b/f called about half an hour ago from Montreal...And kept saying things like "k, well I'm home now...we went out for dinner and got home about an hour ago...tomorrow we're doing this and that we'll be home around 3..." HOME HOME HOME....Well if that's what you consider home, then what's our place, our appartment together...Our home!!?? Nothing all of a sudden?!
Urgh! I just feel like I'm totally overracting! But I'm just so upset! I hate being a girl with all these hormones!
I don't know...It's just that this is totally out of my hands, I don't want to keep him from his family, but I cringe at the thought of all the small little comments that have been made in my presence and how he just sat there, said nothing, actually laughs at them and thinks it's ok, and now he's alone with her, and who knows what's being said!
And as for the whole work schedule/him helping situation...I dunno! I guess we'll just have to see. I mean, if I end up doing things alone on days that he works, then I can do things without him and his stupid paycheck. I can always go back home to my moms with the baby and do things alone there. We'll just have to see how things play out.
Meh, whatever! I'm just pissed right now! I love him, he's hot, and when I actually get back to having my body to myself, I'll miss the sex if he's gone! hehe...So I'm just talking and venting about things that haven't happened and may not happen. I'm just being a worry wart!
Well thanks again for listening and for the replies! Although advice is ALWAYS appreciated so keep the comments coming!

jennyn February 10th, 2006 10:23 PM

yeah, mil's suck. . . I wish i had advice for you, but i never did figure out how to get along with mine before i got divorced. all i can say is good luck. . . :P

brigitte February 11th, 2006 07:45 AM

Well well well....I don't even know where to begin. Why is it that whenever I have a concern, or am just in a fowl mood, I can never just be left alone, either to deal with it on my own, or just sort out my own thoughts and figure things out, or just talk about it with those I CARE to talk about it with without things turning into a huge mess.
I've been crying for about 6 hours now...I can't eat or sleep. He called yesterday and I was a little upset because first thing on the phone was "hey Babe, just called to say hi and tell you about my day...so I did this and that, and wow it was so much fun, then tomorrow we're gonna do this, and oh my, everyone is asking about the baby! ect...(about two-three minutes roll by) then Oh, how are YOU?" I just thought it was a little rude so I wasn't really being enthousiastic on the phone considering how I've been feeling this week. He asks me what's wrong, and so I just tell him nothing, but he doesn't buy it, so I just told him the truth: I've had a crappy week, I'm just not really in the best mood right now, sorry." Then he starts being all dramatic and says why should he even bother calling if I'm just going to be blah on the phone...So I told him to do whatever he wants, I'm not forcing him to call, or not call, and that I'm sorry I'm just not feeling good right now...ect.
Anyways, he takes all this as a sign that something is up and that I'm hiding things...so where does he go to get the answers he wants? HERE!! Yup, read this post, and all of your replies. You don't even know how violated I feel! Girls, this was my one and only place I could go and vent, say what I want, get support about it, and not be scared about what anyone thinks or about the questions I ask or when I just need to vent, because no one knows me and everyone here has been sooooo incredible!! Now, my safe place isn't safe anymore! I've never felt so horrible before...He breached my privacy, and he knew it! But did it anyways, calls me at whatever time last night, and gets super dramatic about what I said about his mom's comment about the baby being a girl (said it was just a joke, to which I replied it WASN'T F*CKING FUNNY...it's about as funny as the time she "jokingly" called his bro's g/f ugly at lunch...yeah...sorry but not everyone (or anyone) is in tune to that kind of humour!!) and not only about what I said, but about you all said in response! How you guys "don't know what the heck you're talking about, you have no idea what the situation is, you only hear MY side of things and it's not fair that it's all one sided....ect...) So not only do I not feel like what I say here stays here, but what he used to think was a great place for me to go and talk to others who are pregnant, he now doesn't like anymore and he doesn't want our lives on the internet (to which I replied, "what about the website you made of the baby pictures and my pregnant tummy! There's a pic there with me in my bra! My FACE is on there and tons of your friends and family saw that, and yet you're worried about what STRANGERS think of you and your family??!!) All over something that I was just venting about and had no intention of ever even bringing up to him because like the title said "I FEEL LIKE I'M JUST ACTING LIKE A LITTLE SUCKY BABY!" Now this whole mom bullsh*t is back up in the air where it doesn't belong...Just when I thought things were finally getting better, because at least now there was no pressure to be close with her. But apparently he still expects me to love her and not EVER say or think anything that might be negative about what she says or does!! What the f*ck is the difference? Me being forced to be her best friend when NEITHER of us want it, or me not being able to even just vent to my friends and people I trust because he'll invade that and start crap with me again and start the mom thing ALL OVER AGAIN! Both are just as bad! I can't do anything anymore without him spying or whatever! Now this whole thing is my fault again and it's just never ever ever going to be over! Then I just flat out told him that while he's at it, go back to a few weeks, and months ago...If he REALLY wants to hear some serious Mom bashing, he'd find it there! Then he actually has the gaul to tell me "I'm not into going through your personal stuff!!!!!" I can't even explain how much that comment ENRAGES ME especially after he JUST F*CKING DID JUST THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!

To top it off, he sent me an instant message on MSN saying "since we're on the topic (about having our lives on the internet or how he doesn't want people knowing about our lives or whatever) that my MSN picture was no longer appropriate or appreciated (it's a really nice shot of my butt at the beach in a bathing suit that I'm quite proud of, and he kept telling me was so hot...) and how he doesn't like all of my MSN contacts seeing it. These people are my friends!! My family! These are MY people and who the hell is he to tell me what picture I can have there? I can put a NAKED picture of me if I really want and it's none of his stupid business! And yet he's never had a problem with it before...He used to really like it....He's making me feel so ugly by telling me to take it off, like as if I'm some wh*re who's just showing off her butt to the world...I've told him sooo many times how much I like that picture because when I'm all big and fat and yucky (like now and how I'll be after this baby comes out) I'll look back at that picture and be like "wow!!! Look at my butt there! I was hot once!" and now he's taking THAT away from me too.

Well, I figured I'd post this just to say that I don't know when I'll be back...Well, I'll be back to read and chech up on all of you since you've been sooooooooooooooo awesome! But I don't know if I'll be posting again. I just don't feel "safe" here like I used to. He made nice and sure to ruin that for me. Thank you all sooooooo much! And who knows, maybe in a bit, you may here from me again!

Thanks again for EVERYTHING!!!!! Take care! I love you guys!

MirandasMommy February 11th, 2006 09:21 AM

Wow. I can not believe everything you just said! My fiance knows that I come on here to get advice and to vent and he just says "You tell them what you feel, Honey." and leaves it at that. I think your bf just got upset because we all agreed with you (because we're girls and we understand this stuff), and it might have seemed to him that we were talking down on him or something. As for the MIL thing, you do not have to be best friends, not even friends, with her. It seems like all she does is talk bad about other people's lives (you having a girl instead of a boy, calling your bf's bro's gf ugly). She must have nothing to do all day like my MIL but get in other people's business and gossip to all of her stupid f*cking friends. And if you want to post your booty picture I say more power to you. When girls get big and pregnant they don't feel as sexy as everyone else says they do. Especially if they were small before they got that way. So if you need a reminder that you're still beautiful, don't let any take that away from you. I hope you'll still post on here, because I love everything you have to say!!!!

pregnantandscared February 11th, 2006 10:30 AM

:ditto: i couldnt agree more. now about the him working while you stay at home with the baby, i agree that being a mom is a full time job, but at least you have him there to go to work. my babys father left us so i will have to be a full time mom and go to work. it is gonna suck. my parents have pretty much diowned me (although i do think they are starting to come around because i have gotten a few things in the mail from them... but everything so far has made me burst into tears but at least they are trying to contact me.) this is making it so they wont help me raise my son, but my grandma has said she will help. the only thing is that she lives an hours drive away from me so it will be kinda tricky to get my son there and myself back to work. oh well we will see what happens. anyway i truely hope that you dont let your b/f get to you too much. he is just stressing out, and he may say things he doesnt mean or that are hurtful to you, but i am sure his intentions arent to hurt you. i hope you feel better soon and good luck with the MIL

JuneBug2006 February 11th, 2006 10:43 AM

Brigitte, don't go!

lilmamaw2 February 11th, 2006 02:44 PM

man that really sucks my hubby tried the same thing so i changed my my name from (#$$%^^%) well what it was at one time on here to lilmamaw2 and now he has no clue what to look under works out for me and him cuz now he dont look and now i dont get mad at him for looking so anyways good luck and i hope every thing works out oh and him working thoes long and strange shift that will all work out my hubby woks from 9pm-9-10am and it took a while to get down at firs but a month after Dillon was born we had the perfect routine down i was the one who got up and down with him all night and so i needed sleep too well he'd come home and take care of Dillon till 1-2pm i had to pump of course and make sure their was enough but it worked out great i got my sleep and was more than ready to take care of my lil guy when i got up and jimmy got all of his sleep before he had to go to work and got to spend some one on one time with his son he said it was scary at first but it made him feel good that i trusted him enough to leave our baby with him alone for thoes hours in the morning now at first he'll wake you up every 2seconds omg..what do i do now omg...he's doing this what dose that mean omg...why is he's crying and then about a week later after all that my hubby was a pro and to this day we still have that routine it's great Dillon gets his much needed daddy time and i get my much needed rest (i'm 8m preg.) then when i get up Dillons worn out and takes a nap and i get to watch soaps it's great!!!!! i wouldn't want it any other way!!!!! so good luck and hay, things will be fine and work out great cuz i felt the same way you do and to my suprize every things been perfect!!!!! so i have pretty good feeling that it'll work out fine for you two!!!!!

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