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-   -   what should i do - i need advice (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/150340-what-should-i-do-i-need-advice.html)

pregnantandscared February 11th, 2006 11:22 AM

so i have posted about the father-to-be before and i am still confused as to what i should do about him. i miss him so much and most of the time he is a real sweetheart, but there are those times when he can be a jerk (i know all guys have their moments but still) for the most part he talks to me like he still loves me and the only reason we are not together is because i chose to move away. (the only reason is cause i couldnt afford to live in that area because i didnt have a job. when i moved i found a job almost instantly due to family connections.) after i left we continues dating for a little while but the distance was just too much (which is weird cause its only an hours drive but oh well) i just got sick of him not calling and coming to see me. i was always going out of my way to get up to where he lives and make sure i called him. finally i got sick of it so i let it go for a while and next thing i knew we would NOT talk more than we would and so i finally called him and told him that i needed to know i was a priority to him and he said i was, but i told him i didnt feel like one and that was that. we got in a big arguement and i didnt even know we broke up when we did. i called my friend just ballin and told her to call him for me. then she called me back and said that we had just broken up. i just about died. well a couple months later i was kicked out of my parents house because i got in a car accident (i know my parents are stupid) but i called him looking for sympathy and he started calling and coming down again. it was everything i dreamed. i got an apatrment and he REALLY started coming down, like every weekend (which was great cause i didnt have a car to go see him) he told me that he loved me but it scared him cause we are so young. i told him age shouldnt matter. well he started to get busy at work again so he came down less and less. next thing ya know i am getting a positive from the doctors on a pregnancy test. well for a while it scared him to death, then i thought he started to come around when i told him it was a boy. he sounded so happy. he started telling me all the things he was going to teach him and what not. then once again he stopped answering his phone. well, as some of you know from another post of mine i might be moving even further from him. well i called him to let him know (and plan to send him certified mail so i can have a trace of it getting to him) well low and behold he answered. we talked for like 20 minutes. he told me that he's been thinking of names and all kinds of stuff like that. i am thinking of giving him another chance cause i am still SSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOO in love with him and want him to be here for this child. i just dont know what to do. i have already decided i am not going to tell my son when he says he is coming down (because he was so bad at following through when he told me that he was coming down in the past. he wouldnt even call to say he couldnt make it. i would call him about a half hour to an hour after he was supposed to be here just make sure he was okay and not that he got in an accident on the way down, but that was never the case. anyway i guess my question is should i try to make this work or do you think i am chasing a dream that is never going to happen?thanks for reading i know i rambled a lot.

Ella! February 11th, 2006 11:49 AM

First relax... stress wont help your baby. He sounds like a typical guy.. scared when you got pregnant. But the fact that he's scared can be a good thing, it's just how he handles his fear that you need to be concerned with. I dont know him so all I can go off of is what you post, and to me it seems like he's just playing games. I dont know if he isnt ready to fully commit or he has a hard time expressing his feelings but jumping in and out of your life isnt being a good rolemodel to the baby. It makes it harder on a kid to see him going back and forth. I would sit down and talk to him... be honest. Tell him you need him to make up his mind on whether or not he's going to be involved with this kids life. I know it's hard being alone but remember the baby is the most important thing. If you ever need to talk PM me, I'm always online due to my BEDRESTING STATE lol haha, good luck and keep us posted!! :dothug:

Wisey February 11th, 2006 01:17 PM

I wish I had the right words to say. I have never been in that position so I'm not sure what to say.

Just take everything one day at a time.

pregnantandscared February 11th, 2006 04:34 PM

the thing is that he may not be the father and he knows it. i slept with four guys in one week (i know i know 4 is a lot but he and i were having problems and i was looking for comfort in all the wrong places :blush: ) but anyhow, he knows about the other three and so he is wondering if he is the father or not. honestly i hope it is his child. two of the "possibilities" are not that likely because one used a condom and the other did the pull out(TMI cause i got sore SORRY!) and he had to please himself which took a few minutes (more like five i was laughing at him by then) so there is really only one other possibility, and he is acting more like a father figure. i really hope its not his though because we dont agree on anything that has to do with raising this little guy. for instance he belives in "beating" as he puts it. it's spanking with like a belt or a wooden spoon. (i just call it abuse) my mom used to do it to me and i will never do it to my child. the only time i will ever lay a hand on my child will be if he is going to do something that will end up with him in more pain than a small swat. (like if he is going to touch a hot stove then i might hit the back of his hand and say dont touch that is an owie*SP*) we cant even agree on a name (i dont care what he wants, this is MY child and i am going to be the one raising him so i am going to name him what i want) anyway the guy that i want to be the father is probably resenting this. he told me that he didnt want me to tell him anymore about my sex life (and to be honest i think this is is why i slept with all those guys, i wanted his attention or... uuuuuuhhhhhhh... i dunno or a reaction or someting) but now i am preggers and he takes responsibility when i call him (cause i told him by the timing i think he is the father but honestly i just hope he is) but thats only when i call. should i expect more or am i making too much out of this? i am 22 weeks but dont know when i concieved, if i concieved in the end of aug, early sept. then it has to be his (cause i wasnt sleeping with other guys yet), but if i concieved more towards the middle of sept then it could be any of them i guess. thanks for your input

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