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-   -   sharing my joy with u (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/153099-sharing-my-joy-u.html)

Mom2DyJessAva February 16th, 2006 11:08 AM

your probably wondering why im not gonna share my joys with him (unless he ask) well its because he has a 7yo daughter from his exgirlfriend and he feels bad that hes having another child...i wish i had advice for him but i dont have anything good...so im not gonna share any joys i have unless he ask..like when i feel the babykic for the first time but anyways this morning i was laying on my back and i put my hand on my stomach and i felt a hard bump!..its most likely the baby :smile: im so happy...i am a little overweight and it use to be soft there..it makes me happy knowing my baby is growing! :cheer:

beckii February 16th, 2006 11:19 AM

That's great congrats :cheer:

Ella! February 16th, 2006 11:29 AM

Awesome!! :cheer:

pcgirl February 16th, 2006 12:07 PM


your probably wondering why im not gonna share my joys with him (unless he ask) well its because he has a 7yo daughter from his exgirlfriend and he feels bad that hes having another child...i wish i had advice for him but i dont have anything good...so im not gonna share any joys i have unless he ask..[/b]
Awwww, I feel sorry for you....it must be terribly hard to not share your joys with the one you love. Maybe if you did share them without him asking, he'll come around. Basically, he's just going to have to get over it....your baby is just as important as his other....and they are two completely different cases....how dare he compare!

I know he feels bad but tell him to suck it up! Share your joys....you deserve it!

Also, isn't feeling that bump awesome! I put my hand on my belly every night in hopes to feel the bumps from the inside out!

Mommy2Ethan February 16th, 2006 12:30 PM


Mom2DyJessAva February 16th, 2006 12:42 PM

i tried sharing things with him but when he writes back he never says anything about it and goes right to his daughter..

MyGirlz February 16th, 2006 07:23 PM

I'm so happy you got to feel that little bump!! Just wait! Before you know it, that little bump will become a big bulge and you'll look like you swallowed a watermelon in no time! You'll probably start to feel baby kick sometime soon also...probably in the next month! Woohoo!!

Question...Has your b/f told his daughter about the new baby yet?? Is she maybe the one who's not happy about the baby and could that be where he's getting this idea she'll be mad about it? (By the way, I'm still looking for books you can get for him to read...so far I'm finding it sort of difficult! I'm trying to find something that's appropriate for his situation but I'm not finding anything, but the search isn't over yet!!)...
The thing is, at some point, he's going to have to come to the realization that having another baby isn't a betrayal to his other daughter...I mean, think of how many parents have kids for a second time!! Millions and millions!!! She will get over it! I know it sounds mean, but it's true!
And don't worry, you absolutely don't sound jealous. In every post you've written, you've been VERY accepting of his daughter and you've made it very clear you don't want to take him away from her. All you're asking for is for him to pay a little more attention to this one on the way...and sweetie, you're DEFINATELY not asking for too much.
Does he honestly think he's being a better parent to his daughter by ignoring the other one on the way? What is he teaching her? What sort of image is he portraying for her by doing that? How is she ever going to be prepared for the fact that she's going to be a big sister in a few months? I mean, what on earth is he hoping to accomplish by ignoring one child to cater to the needs and feelings of another?
It's time for him to stop sheltering his daughter from the inevitable, because he's not doing her any good at all! He's just going to end up hurting her more in the end. If he doesn't prepare her for what's about to come, she'll resent him even more for those times when she kind of has to swing by herself for a few minutes while daddy changes a diaper or tends to a crying baby...(of course I'm not saying he's going to leave her by herself, but if the baby like, interrupts a game they're playing, or a movie they're watching together...)...He needs to realize that involving her in this process is the best way to go! Getting her excited about the baby, asking her how she feels about it, get her opinion on what names she likes...Get her involved! After all, this is going to be her baby sister or brother!!
Not only this, but what does he think he's doing with the one on the way? Is this going to continue long after baby's born? No child should ever come second to another!
It's time to sit him down and have a talk. It's time to ask where this baby fits into his life, how exactly he plans on being a dad for two instead of just one...What you need to realize on your part, honey, is that this is no longer just you...This is your baby too, and you're this kids only voice. It's your responsibility also to make sure that this kid's got everything he/she needs and you're not being an annoying g/f or a baby by sitting him down and forcing the conversation on him at this point. You're in no position to just sit around and wait for him to get his priorities straight. It's time to put your foot down. If he's not willing to make more of an effort to get involved, then show him the door and tell him not to come back until he's ready to fully be a dad...not just a half a** dad to only one of his two children. He's hurting you, he's hurting the baby, he's hurting himself, and without knowing it, he's actually hurting his daughter too by not teaching her about family values and love for a sibling.

Sweetie, I've been reading your posts for quite some time now, and you've been so incredibly giving to this guy. Please, it's time to start thinking about yourself and stop keeping your emotions bottled up inside around him. He MUST abosultely be given a big huge reality check...he needs to know his behaviour isn't appropriate!

I wish I could go over there and yell at him for you..lol but unfortunately, that's not my job! Even though I'm really good at it!! hehe! It's so sad to hear you say that you can't talk to him about all the joys you're experiencing in this pregnancy. It's no fair, considering he's still around. He may as well just take off if he won't even really acknowledge this beaner. What's he sticking around for? You and the baby deserve more attention from him. Good luck sweetie! I'm sorry if this isn't really what you want to hear. You can take my advice or leave it...I won't be offended or anything...I just hate seeing you hurt like this. Chin up, no matter what happens, you've got a beautiful baby inside and that's all that really matters right!

Mom2DyJessAva February 16th, 2006 08:31 PM

i love your advice!

rachel_claire February 16th, 2006 09:27 PM

That's silly that he feels bad about having another child...people have been doing this kind of thing for YEARS! There should be plenty of love for both of them...and some for YOU by the way!! He needs to be your man and start acting like one!! anyway, I love feeling Hunter kick! I play a game with him now where I push my belly everytime he kicks and he almost always responds, it's so cool!! ^_^

lilangel91284 February 16th, 2006 09:41 PM

:cheer: Yaya its a great feeling.

MyGirlz February 17th, 2006 02:32 PM

News flash to boyfriend...Yes, actually, just because he's with you DOES mean he should be happy!!! What sort of comment was that??!! OMG!!! That was probably one of the most selfish things he could have said (as unselfish as it sounds, to imply he's willing to sacrifice his happiness to make you happy)...If he's not happy, he's not doing anyone any favors by staying. Certainly not to you or the baby! When someone's unhappy, it's projected in the way they look at, speak to and treat the other person. Which in turn makes the other person unhappy as well, which magnifies the first person's unhappiness, and VOILA!! It's the making of the horrible downward spiral that keeps going down and down and down until it hits the floor, and everything is broken...
Sorry for the tangent! But wow sweetie! You've got a real problem on your hands. What Mr.Boyfriend is not realizing, is that YOU'RE the one who's unhappy!! You're not hurting him! HE'S hurting you! (which in turn hurts the baby). What's worse, is that he's too busy wallowing in his own self pity to even notice or care! All he sees is his own pain, and confusion. Well, if he says he needs to find his own inner peace about it, you should tell him to do it on his own time, and to only come back when he's found it. He's one foot in and one foot out the door right now, and that's not stable enough for you to have to deal with. I say don't even give him the option. Show him the door, tell him what he needs to do to be invited back in, and not to try to come back until he's willing to give that you and the baby. You've been encouraging, and you've let him know how he's acting is bothering you, and he's basically flat out telling you he's not going to do a thing about it...Foot down!!
What you can even do to bring about this conversation, you could suggest that you and him have lunch with his daughter (assuming ****** mommy lets him take her for the day) and you tell her together that she's going to be a big sister together. Get her excited about it...she might be sad and scared and even mad at first, but that's okay! She's had daddy all to herself her whole life, and it's going to be hard for her to learn to share him...But if you involve her and reassure her that being a big sister is a big responsibility, and that daddy's going to need a lot of her help, she won't feel like she'll be ignored or put aside. Ask her a lot of questions on what she thinks of everything, like what her opinion on names are, and what kind of games she wants to teach the baby how to play once he or she is big enough...This can actually be a really fun outing for you all. And if for whatever reason you can't be there, then he should be doing this. You should really tell him that keeping the baby a secret from her is more of a betrayal than anythign.
Maybe I'm assuming a lot of things...for one, I don't know if you ever really get to see his daughter. Like, do you guys ever hang out with her there? What kind of relationship do you have with his daughter, if any? And also, what kind of relationship do you have with his ex? (I know I know...that's kind of a sticky one since it is his ex after all). Maybe, if you've already met her, and there's no super harsh or bitter feelings between the two of you, you could maybe have a talk with her, and find out what she thinks of him telling their daughter about the new baby on the way. (Assuming she's not too much of a cow! If she is, then keep her out of it completely!) I think once he gets over this fear that his daughter will hate him or whatever for having another baby, then he'll be better able to get over his own fears!
And k, I found a book he may REALLY benefit from...It's called Keys to Preparing and Caring for your Second Child, by Meg Zweibach...I read the outline of the book and this may be one way to help him cope with having two kids, and most importantly, for him to help his daughter cope with the change. Even though they don't necessarily live together.
Hope this helps!

Mom2DyJessAva February 17th, 2006 02:54 PM

i use to see his daughter once in a while(before his crazy exgirlfriend started keeping her from him) but most of the time i would just stay home and wait for him to drop her off..shes a really sweet girl and a funny one to be around..if we were ever together we were outsomewheres else because i still live with my grandparents...his ex girlfriend shes a different story!...she calls me his "statutory" girlfriend..we do have a big age gap between us a good 15 years..(but honestly it doesnt bother me at all..i love this guy to death..wonder if he knows that!)i feel bad sometimes but im sorta the reason why they arnt together..thanks a bunch for the book info!! :cheer: ....he thinks he has it so hard..heck i have to take a year off of school to be with our baby(which i dont mind) but its weird because girls that i use to go to school with are like "you were top in your class never thought u end up knocked up" or "i thought you would be to busy with school to even have a boyfriend to have a baby" boy does that get annoying! .if i was able to change things id be more careful to make sure id never got pregnant if i new he was going to act like this..so how are things going for you? any problems with your boyfriends mother? i have been following what u post..i hope she comes or came around for u!...once again thanks a bunch!

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