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lpaquette26 April 12th, 2011 11:38 AM

Please help.
Hello All,
I am new at this, so please forgive me if I ramble. I found out that I was pregnant last week after a scheduled ultrasound as part of addressing my endometriosis, which I was diagnosed with in 2007 and told that I would most likely never have children. The pregnancy is a result of an ill-advised one night stand with someone who is not interested in a relationship and I have not spoken to him in several weeks. There are numerous factors at play here - the ultimate being that I don't think I can go through with an abortion - the doctor who performed the ultrasound strongly advised me to go home, think things through and ask myself if I could forgive myself if this were my only chance at having a child. Also, the ultrasound showed cardiac motion and my protective/maternal instinct kicked in immediately. However, the pregnancy is high-risk for both myself and the child as I am very prone to preeclampsia and obstetrical hemorrhage as well as miscarriage.

I do not currently have health insurance as I just left my job in the defense industry in D.C. to return to school and pursue my master's in nursing. I was disowned by my family in this process and it was a very difficult decision to make, however I spent several years overseas in Africa and Iraq working with women's programs after undergrad and I am passionate about healing.

I am heart-broken and at a complete loss. Should I inform the father at this point? What if I miscarry, then I would have inflicted heartache on someone else needlessly. I do not require or want his assistance in any way for numerous reasons and I certainly don't want to destroy someone's life or be resented in any way. However, I was raped when I was 18 and brutally sexually assaulted while completing my work in Iraq and I feel very fragile and vulnerable when it comes to men. It would feel like I was exposing myself and all of the shame and guilt I'm feeling to someone I hardly know and I'm not sure I'm strong enough to do so.

Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you.

JandJC April 13th, 2011 01:35 PM

Re: Please help.
Hi There. I just got through reading your story and thought I would offer some advice. I think your doctor was right in that you should seriously think about the decision and possibly turning down the opportunity for a baby if you may never be able to concieve again.

What was your first thought? Do you think you can afford the healthcare for a pregnancy if you don't have insurance?

I am sorry to hear about your past and knowhow difficult that can be and how it must be playing into your emotions right now. My honest opinion is to tell the father, I believe that because it's his child he should have a right to know and be get the decision to be involved if he wants to be.

Best of luck to you, keep us posted on what you decide.

hkystar April 14th, 2011 08:12 PM

Re: Please help.
I agree with jandjc. You should tell the father and let him decide what he thinks is the right choice for himself.

As far as you, I would look into some state programs. If you are in school, you probably are at a much lower income rate than the defense dept (btw I do that line of work in dc also!). See if there is a low income program that you qualify for that can help provide affordable care.

Good luck!

LindseyE117 April 17th, 2011 06:48 PM

Re: Please help.
If you are uninsured, there are programs in place that will help you with everything. Even planned pregnancy offers a pay scale depending on what you make if you do not qualify for medicaid. Sometimes you pay nothing. Don't ever think that having no insurance is the end of the road for you.

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