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-   -   this is how I feel (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/2368303-how-i-feel.html)

KatieLove July 8th, 2011 03:40 PM

this is how I feel
This pregnancy has been a rollercoaster. with my feelings that is.

I have a daughter 1,5 years old now and am 13 weeks pregnant. This second pregnancy was not planned and it hit us hard. I can not imagen having an other child. It is not that our relationship is not good or that we did not want 2 children in the future, just not now. I am sooo not ready. Still not ready.

The day I got my BFP was the day I started to feel depressed on and off. There are days that I do not think about this pregnancy and those days I feel great. But I went shopping today and walking through the maternity section made me feel so down! Why? Why do I feel that way? Why can't I just be happy?

It is driving me crazy. Everytime I want to talk about this to my bf he tells me that the baby did not chose to be here. We (he means I) were not carefull. So I have to deal with it. Which is true. Due to breastfeeding I could not use BCP and once I stopped I totally forgot to get them again. I was so busy arranging our wedding. So now I always act happy around him. But inside I feel like crying. Not always but it happens often.

Esp now that my belly is starting to grow and I can't denie it to myself. I hoped seeing the baby and its heartbeat would help me to start enjoying the pregnancy. My MIL is over the moon, as are my parents! I try to prepare my daughter by telling her there is a little baby inside mommies belly. She is the cutest! I just do not want to share my attention. She is so tiny still! Why did I do this to her? We only DTD once!

Towards the world we act happy. I know I am not. And I know my bf is having doubts. We will keep the baby, because I am sure (or so I am told) we will love it the same as our daughter.

I hope I can think about this all happily in a few years. Laughing about why I was feeling this way. But for now......... I just feel down.

Maybe once I feel the baby move I will enjoy it?

Leogirl July 8th, 2011 06:27 PM

Re: this is how I feel
It's normal to not be over the moon excited for an unplanned pregnancy. You seem set on keeping the baby so just take some time to get used to the idea of being a mom all over again. You have a long way to go and to get excited.

If you feel that you are having problems with depression you should talk to your OBGYN about it sooner rather than later. They can give you medication to help that is safe for pregnancy.

star shaped July 9th, 2011 01:30 PM

Re: this is how I feel
I feel so similar to you!

I had an unplanned pregnancy when I was 18. My son is now 17 months old. I recently found out that I'm pregnant again. It was unplanned. I don't know how far along I am yet, but I think around 6 weeks. I'm still with my son's father. We're both working and in college. We decided we don't want to have any more kids until we're out of school, if not even longer. We wanted to get married first, and we're waiting until we graduate. Anyway, this pregnancy just came out of nowhere. I wasn't on birth control, but we always used protection. I thought I was imagining it, but so many signs were there. I took a test and couldn't believe it. We're okay financially, although a 2nd baby to provide for isn't the best thing that could happen to us. The thing that bothers me is that finances are practically the last of my worries. I just don't feel good about this. Emotionally, being a mother to one child is really hard on me right now. Working and going to school full-time, plus being a mommy the rest of the time just wears me out. I developed serious depression during my first pregnancy and have been dealing with it off and on ever since. I love my son, I just can't see my coping with a second child. We've also decided that we're going to keep the baby. There's no way I could do anything else. My boyfriend is trying to be more positive about it, but I feel he's really only doing that to try to keep me from dipping back into depression.
At least you have support. My parents love my son, but I can just imagine the things they're going to say to me when they find out I'm pregnant again!

Sorry for talking about me so much, I just want you to know you're not the only one. I don't have any good answers, but I don't think it's completely abnormal for us to feel the way we do. I hope it'll be easier once I get over the initial stages, or maybe when I hold the baby in my arms.

KatieLove July 9th, 2011 04:08 PM

Re: this is how I feel
@ Leogirl, I am so against any medication. Esp while being pregnant. I do not even take a paracetamol when not feeling well. I think it is just hormones. Or atleast I hope it is. Today was a good day. I feel fine today. I have been very busy, maybe that is why :)

@ star shaped, I really do not mind you talking about yourself that much! I know it feels better for me to tell it here. I feel this is anonymous, even though ofcourse we are a member. Nobody knows I am here, nobody knows my account. I have been to this board for over 2 years now.
I hope you feel better. If you want to talk or chat, just PM me :) It is actually nice to hear a similar story. To know that I am not alone. Your son is only 6 weeks older than my daughter. :)

star shaped July 9th, 2011 05:16 PM

Re: this is how I feel
I don't want ot tell anyone who knows me that I'm pregnant for as long as I can. I hate feeling that way. It's supposed to be something to be excited about, but I almost feel like I'm dreading telling people more than I was with my first pregnancy.
It's funny that my son is 6 weeks older than you're daughter, and now I think I'm about 6 weeks behind you with our current pregnancies.
I hope you start to feel better too. Feel free to pm me anytime. It's also comforting to me to know I'm not the only one in this situation.

trulyblessed July 20th, 2011 06:02 PM

Re: this is how I feel
Hugs!! I feel for you so much. I've been in your shoes before. When I got pregnant with my 2nd daughter my first was only a year old. I actually got pregnant a month after she turned a year old. It wasn't exactly planned but at the same time we didn't use anything and I had just finished ovulating. I told DH I could still be ovulating so I could end up pregnant and he said he was ok with that. At first I told him to pull out but when that time came I told him not to. So I actually did want it to happen. I can't really explain it. When I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks later I was happy but then I thought of my daughter and how I'd have to share my love. I was afraid I wouldn't love her the same way once the baby was born. It's a scary feeling but you know what? when I had my 2nd daughter my first was so happy. She was so in love with her, always helping me out, calling herself "mommy" and it was the best thing in the world. I fell in love. Believe me, things will be ok and you WILL look back and be like "wow I worried for nothing!!" because in the end you're going to see as a mom with unconditional love for all your kids, you're going to have more than enough love and attention to go around. I too thought "why did I do this to my kid", which in turn made me feel bad for thinking badly about being pregnant but then I saw all those around me who were happy and excited and how happy my daughter was about her expected sibling that it changed. I realized I have a lot of support and love from family and friends, my kid is healthy, I'm healthy and the baby I was carrying was healthy. I knew things would be ok. They will be ok for you too.

se2watkins July 29th, 2011 08:47 AM

Re: this is how I feel
I am so glad I found this forum, I found out last week Saturday that I am pregnant. Of course my bf is over the moon, and very supportive - he recons I am carrying the most important cargo ever. As this pregnancy is completely unplanned, we have only been together for about 4 months, I do feel blessed as I had cervical cancer removed end of May this year. Although, there are days when I feel as if my whole life have been taken from me and I will not achieve anything of greatness :( My emotions are completely running away with me, and I feel so horrible cause all my bf can do is hold me and tell me it will all be okay. *sniff* Will this go away as the baby grows?

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