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-   -   I feel so conflicted! Any advice? (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/2646670-i-feel-so-conflicted-any-advice.html)

moonscoops April 29th, 2013 12:24 AM

I feel so conflicted! Any advice?
I recently found out that I'm pregnant (by accident), and my feelings about it couldn't be more mixed. For one thing, I just left the prospective father...literally right before seeing that first positive home pregnancy test. I have to admit that part of me was excited anyway. There really is something so miraculous about conception when you think about it.

The thing is, I'm a college drop-out who was just planning to finish school. Having a baby would definitely make that harder. More importantly, I'm beyond broke not to mention unemployed! I've been staying with my aging dad since leaving the (ex?) boyfriend about a week ago, and I have no idea how I could possibly support a baby right now. I'm not even supporting myself at the moment.

So, I think having an abortion might really be the most responsible thing for me to do. I don't know if I should bring a child into this world without fully being able to take care of that child. I don't feel like I'm in any kind of position to give that kid all the stability, opportunities and advantages that he or she would deserve.

But I don't actually want to have an abortion.

Truthfully, even though I *think* having an abortion might be the right thing to do, that's not how I *feel* on any kind of emotional level. I know it would be hard for me. I'm likely around six weeks pregnant now, not very far along at all, but I already feel deeply connected to the could-be-baby.

I've never been in this situation before, and I'm torn. I really am. Any advice or insight would be much appreciated. Thanks!

mamatomany April 29th, 2013 12:43 PM

Re: I feel so conflicted! Any advice?
The first thing most people here will tell you is that if you are conflicted you should not get an abortion. It is, obviously, not a decision you can go back on and if you later regret ending your baby's life there's nothing you can do.

I get the feeling from your post that you truly want to mother this little one and that your biggest fear is lack of financial preparedness. Please be encouraged! Very few if us are in a perfect financial situation when we get pregnant! You have a roof over your head, and there are many, many programs and aid available for people like you who need to get their feet under them. As for college, though it's more challenging with a child, it's definitely not impossible. Your school most likely has an on-campus, very affordable daycare program for students with children. Try and locate a Crisis Pregnancy center near you-- they will have great helpful information about programs to help single moms get a good footing, plus they usually can give you a free ultrasound so you can get a peek at your sweet little one, which is so much fun and very encouraging.

I know it seems overwhelming at the beginning, but giving the gift of life to your small son or daughter is one of the most beautiful and rewarding things you can do in your life, and there is no way you will regret it. That doesn't mean things will always be easy (but are they for anyone?), but when you first feel those tiny flutters of movement and then hold your baby in your arms you will never look back.

I wish you all the best! Please keep us posted! I know other ladies will chime in with encrougement for you -- this is a great supportive group!

DeletedUser12345 April 29th, 2013 06:49 PM

Re: I feel so conflicted! Any advice?
If you do not want to get an abortion, then like the response above, I would definitely say don't do it.. I would say definitely go to your state assistance office, apply for financial aid, medical insurance if you dont have any, and food stamps.. In your situation, that is what the assistance is for. I never expected to do that but here I am single and doing just that.. Then WIC will give you food while pregnant. While in school, the financial aid part of the program is usually tied into a work program where you can do school, too and they will help with childcare if needed. Honestly, it still isn't easy, but I can live on it. There are no extra frills but I am so thankful for this state assistance to get me on my feet after the baby and they will help with job hunting, too. I wouldn't take back the father just because of the pregnancy, but if it works itself back out.. then great. Just make sure you take care of yourself. There is help out there. If you have any questions, feel free to pm me.. Im going through it but now so happy to be able to meet my little man in about 3 months. You can do it.. but I'd say get the help asap because usually it does not kick in until the 1st of the following month.

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