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-   -   pregnant by best friend (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/2660285-pregnant-best-friend.html)

cccchristie June 21st, 2013 04:13 AM

pregnant by best friend
im 20 years old my best friend who is 22 and i were never anything other than friends and then one drunken night we ended up having sex. we got past that and it wasn't anything that really effected our friendship. until he got back with his girlfriend a few weeks later and cheated on her with me multiple times. i urged him to tell her and he wouldn't...wanted to hide it. then i found out im pregnant.

im about 5 or 6 weeks along and im freaking out. at first we just said we would get an abortion. now its been two weeks and i have adjusted to the situation a little better. I decided i would keep the baby on my own. hes busy worrying about what his girlfriend wants and i realized his opinion doesnt really matter to me because i dont need him. then he tells me he wants to be a part of it and that he doesnt want me moving and raising his baby without him. which is fine, it changed my plan a little but if he wants to be there then i support that. now come to find out he really just wants me to get an abortion, he thinks the whole thing is a mistake, that i shouldnt keep the baby and im ruining both our lives....but he wont say any of this to me. hes my best friend and can barely talk to me.

im so lost and confused. i feel so alone, he doesnt want it but he wont admit that to me. i was considering adoption strongly but he doesnt agree with someone else raising his child. anyone gone through something similar?

Urchin June 21st, 2013 08:03 AM

Re: pregnant by best friend
At this point, you need to to what *you* want. When it comes down to it, he has little say in what you do with your own body.

While I personally think fathers are important and should have a say, he obviously is all over the place in terms of what he wants. He shouldn't be pressuring you into anything. He was just as aware as you when you were having sex, that pregnancy could result. Now he has to live with that, no matter what decision you make.

I'm really sorry that you don't have much of a support system right now. Pregnancy is a lot for many people to handle. Please stick around here. The ladies here are so great with support...and joining one of the Due Date clubs will also bring you support during your pregnancy and after baby is born.

Good luck *hugs*

mamatomany June 21st, 2013 08:51 AM

Re: pregnant by best friend
Sadly, as several ladies who've visited this board lately can tell you, giving in to pressure to have an abortion can end in heartache and misery. If you want to keep this baby, him being supportive means only one thing -- he needs to support that decision 100%. If he manipulates you emotionally in any way, including giving you the 'silent treatment', it is not being supportive. If he honestly does want to be a part of your little son or daughter's life and you're happy with that, great, change your plans to fit with his accordingly. But if he really does just want to manipulate you into getting rid of your baby because it's 'inconvenient' for him, I say it's time for you to move on.

Obviously he doesn't want it to come out that he's been cheating on his girlfriend-- that is disrespectful to both you and her. But your child's life hangs in the balance -- it really has nothing to do with his convenience. You are the one who has to bear the emotional consequences of an abortion, and if you are not interested in that then please, please, don't let *anyone* try to convince you that it's what you have to do.

As the previous poster pointed out, these boards are a great support network, especially if you're having a hard time finding supportive friends at the moment. Join a due date club, which is a lot of fun and you'll meet many supportive ladies as well as some probably in your situation, all due the same time you are. I also encourage you not to stress about whether or not to give the a y up for adoption right now. You will have plenty of time to think through that, and trying to decide during a time of stress like this situation with your child's father is probably not a good idea. Give it a few months and reevaluate. Right nw it sounds like you want nothing more than to mother this little one yourself. If that's true, go for it! Don't let negativity or manipulation change your mind.

Best wishes, congratulations, and keep us posted!

Mrs.Julie June 21st, 2013 02:58 PM

Re: pregnant by best friend
I am pro-choice and can easily play devils advocate but I wont here because I feel you really want this baby. I will warn you, its typical for a woman to get an abortion and then immediately regret it with every fiber of her being. It is hard to imagine until it happens but I can assure you, if there is any part of you that wants it, abortion is a mistake. And imagine the pain that WILL come once you would realize you did it for a very selfish person who doesn't deserve to have his feelings considered...considering the disgraceful things he has done. I hope, whatever decision you make, you find peace. And if you do choose to keep the baby, you will have a supportive group here at justmommies and I highly encourage you to join the ddc. Good luck!!!

Sorry, I didn't even answer your question. I have gone through something similar, and I even went to the appt for the abortion with him nudging me along. But I literally ran out and I now have 3 beautiful girls. And that child...is now 10 and shes my angel. She changed me.

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