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-   -   Feels like I really screwed this up. (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/2661334-feels-like-i-really-screwed-up.html)

startingover33 June 25th, 2013 11:19 AM

Feels like I really screwed this up.
Som background on me:
I was married to a man and we tried to get pregnant for three long years. We had one loss, but found that I don't ovulate without a ton of expensive meds. The infertility and my depression took their toll and we ended more than a year ago. I have taken my time and healed emotionally and physically.

Now I've met a very wonderful man, Sean. He is fantastic. He's funny, and smart, and mature, and an excellent father to his one son. He has been divorced about a year, from his wife of 14 years. Since we both are kind of gun shy, we decided to take things VERY slowly. We have been seeing each other for about 2.5 months.
We get along wonderfully. I know I'm in love, he says he's fallen for me. We have absolutely fantastic sex, and we really enjoy each other in a ton of ways. We both are looking at slowly sinking into long term but nothing rushed. We don't want to meet each other's families, or move in together, or anything like that for a good while.

But now. I'm pregnant.

I had never even thought about birth control. I haven't been on it in a decade, and with my infertility, it's never an issue. I charted for three years, and only ovulated ONCE, with a ton of meds. It never even occured to me it could possibly ever happen. And he never asked either.

How unfair that we would have done anything to get this pregnancy when my ex and I were married. How unfair that my ex never got a chance to be a dad, when he was totally healthy and I was the issue. And how freaking unfair that I FINALLY am doing ok, and feeling happy again, knowing I wouldn't have any more, and NOW is when it happens out of the blue!

I have no idea how to tell Sean. He's a good person, and I wanted to do this slow with him, to try for a future. I don't know if he'll even speak to me again. He'll probably think i'm a crazy woman out to trap him into something. (isn't that what you see on tv when a woman gets pregnant by accident??)

I considered terminating. But I can't. This is a miracle for me. The only chance I might ever have. This is obviously meant to be for SOME reason, to happen like this.
Not to mention the fact that I actually do love him and I would love to have his child and share that with him and watch him with our baby.

Mostly this is a vent. A chance to get out my story. But if anyone has any advice, please feel free to tell me!

mamatomany June 25th, 2013 07:51 PM

Re: Feels like I really screwed this up.
Wow, that is an amazing story and I'm so happy you finally are a mama! Congratulations!

I can understand that trying to figure out how to tell your boyfriend is stressful and a little awkward. But give him a chance -- he might be thrilled too. It's very likely he'll need a while to process news this unexpected also, so I wouldn't consider his first reaction to the news to be too indicative of his feelings about this little one. Give him time. But don't 'blame' yourself -- he was just as aware as you that neither of you were using birth control. You don't have to feel defensive -- this is a miracle baby (I have one too :) ) and he can either man up and take responsiblity for fathering this little one or you can move on knowing that a sweet gift comes to you in less than nine months.

I would advise you to wait a bit so you can process your feelings and be prepared for whatever reaction you get. Then, be totally honest. Hopefully this will bring you even closer together once he's had time for it to sink in.

Most of all, enjoy every moment of this pregnancy you thought you'd never have!

MIL2lissy8 June 25th, 2013 07:59 PM

Re: Feels like I really screwed this up.
totally agree with what she said ^^^^^^!

startingover33 June 26th, 2013 09:09 AM

Re: Feels like I really screwed this up.
Thank you so much. That was so positive and lovely, and it really puts a whole different spin on things.
I'm feeling much more optomistic this morning, and pretty excited actually. This really is a chance I almost didn't have, and even if it's on my own, it will be amazing.

I really think he will be a father to this baby. He's not the type to ignore this, or to shirk responsibility. I guess I'm most worried now about him wanting the baby, but not wanting to continue our relationship. That would hurt. And right now, I'm feeling extra sensitive.

I'm going to wait a little to share with him. At least a few weeks until I can get in for an ultrasound and make sure all looks ok, and there is a heartbeat and everything. Maybe by then I will be more ready to deal with what he has to say, and more mentally prepared myself.

Thank you again. That was the nicest thing to say. You are a sweetheart.

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