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-   -   scared..shocked (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/2662241-scared-shocked.html)

j-me June 28th, 2013 10:38 PM

I had my tubes tied ten years ago and found out today that I am pregnant. I am so scared because the father is someone I have been in a discreet relationship with. He is younger than me and has so much going on in his life this is the last thing he needs to hold him back. The relationship, at this point, is not fantastic. He is a wonderful man, but we have just been reaching the "end" of our relationship for various reasons..And now here I am, pregnant. I do not know what I am going to do. If I choose to keep the baby, I will have to explain to everyone how I am pregnant to someone noone even knew I was in a relationship with. I have so many thoughts going thru my mind..

mamatomany June 28th, 2013 11:45 PM

Re: scared..shocked
I can understand this is a big shock, wow! But please don't feel obligated to tell everyone who your baby's father is if you don't feel it's in this little one's best interest. There was recently even a high profile celebrity who decided to keep it to herself who her child's father was -- and I'm sure it was even more challenging for her with all those prying eyes! If she didn't have to to, neither do you!

My advice to you is not to worry about the reactions of others or how it will effect the young man involved. It's your son or daughter you need to focus on right now. That little baby needs you, your protection, your love, and your nuture. Yes, it's a big job and of course it's overwhelming to be surprised, but the joy from such an unexpected gift can be equally overwhelming, in the best of ways.

Take a deep breath, take a few weeks just to enjoy your secret for yourself. Don't feel pressured to tell anyone right now. When you do decide to break the news, make sure you've given yourself enough time to decide just how much you'd like to share with those close to you. This is your sweet baby, and it's your decision which part of the story you'd like to keep to yourself.

You can do it, mama! I had a tiny son this year after my husband got a vasectomy, and while a complete shock, I wouldn't change it for the world. Sometimes I think a surprise baby is the sweetest kind. You don't have to agonize about whether or not to try to get pregnant, or spend months trying, you just get to wake up one morning and find out you're on a crazy, delicious, exciting adventure. I don't know how old you are or why you got your tubes tied, but I think you'll look back at this moment as one of the best things that ever happened to you!

I suggest you join a due date board on this site - it's a lot of fun to be in a community of diverse mamas all due at the same time as you are. Best wishes and keep us posted!

j-me June 30th, 2013 04:13 PM

Re: scared..shocked
Thank you so much for such encouraging words. I sincerely appreciate it. The father is the only person that knows right now, and he wants to be involved...in fact is insisting on it. I think it is just the caring nature in me to want to not "disturb" his life. He is not involved with anyone else or anything like that, he just had some big plans coming up career wise and they are most likely going to force us to be apart. I hate to be the reason his plans get altered. I think I just need alot of thinking time, and to look at this as a blessing> Must be a real special baby to come into my life after having my tubes tied.

Seeking Baby Thornburg June 30th, 2013 04:37 PM

Re: scared..shocked
I think you are under no obligation to tell anyone who the father is. That is a decision for you and him to make. Other than that, all you can do is raise the child the best way you see fit. I know plenty of people who raise children together that are not in a relationship together. And, if the two of you are splitting on amicable terms, then it is a lot easier to keep the child's best interest at heart.

Best of luck to you. I hope it all works out in the end.

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