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-   -   Upset and Confused (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/2679848-upset-and-confused.html)

Laroi September 18th, 2013 03:34 PM

Upset and Confused
Hi all,

I just found out I'm pregnant with #2. I have a lot of emotions right now but I primarily feel really upset and depressed about the situation. I have a 15 month old that is still breastfed and he still gets a great amount of comfort from it. I know that pregnancy can put a wrench in that. I'm worried about attention being taken away from my son because he's still so young. I just can't imagine having another baby right now when my son is still very much a baby to me.

My husband and I do want a second child, but we weren't ready emotionally to have one yet. We're both in a good place financially and we have a happy marriage but my health suffered a great deal after my son was born. I was finally getting back into a good place in the last few months health-wise, and I'm worried that I'll go back to feeling awful again.

My son was planned so it's a completely different experience for me to feel like this. I was so excited for my son and feel terribly guilty not feeling any excitement for this pregnancy yet. While I understand abortion, I don't feel it's right for me because I feel that it would be even more difficult for me emotionally.

My husband has a mixture of feelings as well, but seems more excited than anything. He's mostly upset because things finally started calming down around the house and we had a lot more time relaxing and just enjoying each other. We haven't been able to do that since our son was born, and as soon as #2 is born it will be even harder to have that relaxed atmosphere.

Sorry for the book. I'm not really sure who I can talk to about this. I tried talking to my mom, but she was just excited about me being pregnant because everyone assumed we were going to have 2 close together anyway. This baby would most certainly be our last and my husband is already planning on a vasectomy after the birth.

Are these feelings normal? Will they ease with time? I know my son will be okay without being breastfed, and I know that eventually he will love his little brother or sister but it terrifies me that he will feel less loved. As a result I'm also worried I'll shower my son with love and neglect the second baby. So many worries!

I'm not sure how to feel better about this. I've been crying since I found out for the past 4 days, I just feel so down and alone. :(

UncetainMommy September 18th, 2013 05:48 PM

Re: Upset and Confused
You're not alone. I felt pretty much the same way when I found out about this pregnancy. My daughter is 11 months, still very much being breast fed. We found out two months ago. I had originally planned to continue giving her comfort nursing until she was at least a year and a half, but now I'm going to start weaning her next month with plans to be done in November. We weren't even sure we wanted a second, that was something we were going to talk about when she turned four. It took me a while to grieve those plans, now I'm finally to the point where I can feel a bit of excitement, although I do still worry about resenting the new baby, or showering one or the other with more love. I think that second part is normal for most second pregnancies though so I try not to worry.

It'll get better, you'll grow to accept this baby and then to love this baby. Just give it time, find a due date club, and don't be afraid to post your feelings in your due date club. Having a support group who understands, or at least sympathize helps a lot. There are a few of us who were surprised by a baby while breast feeding.

Lyndsey2013 September 18th, 2013 06:46 PM

Re: Upset and Confused
I have an 8 month old, and almost 8 weeks with surprise number 2. I am not excited like I was for our first, but I think that will change when he/she is born.

JandJC September 20th, 2013 07:16 PM

Re: Upset and Confused
I found out I was pregnant when my son was 3 months old! I'm 10 weeks along now. Literally mine will be 11 months apart, so I can relate to your feelings.

Try to take it one day at a time. You will start to get excited about having them close in age. Don't beat yourself up because your feelings are 100% normal. I cried for 3 days when I found out.

mamatomany September 21st, 2013 11:16 AM

Re: Upset and Confused
First off, congratulations on this new little life -- don't worry, I know for certain that these painful feelings will pass and be replaced with overwhelming love for your new little one!

As someone who's has my kids very close together, I can tell you it's really, truly amazing and great. First, don't stress about the breastfeeding. With most of mine I nursed until I was 3-4 months from my due date with no problems at all. Now, I know this doesn't work for everyone, but don't get depressed about it since it may not be an issue for you at all. Second, remember that if you're only having two, having them close will be so great -- no hanging on to baby gear for years, being able to do things with your kids having them both be at roughly the same 'stage,' and they'll be such great friends! I know the first 6 months might be rough-- it's like having to babies -- but after that I think you really will find it's easier with two than one. Your little ones will have a built-in best friend and you and your husband will actually find you have more 'together' moments when you don't have to be the number one entertainers all the time.

Anyway, I guess I just want you to know that having kids close together can actually be a lot of fun and a great blessing. As far as health goes, pregnancies differ so much. With my fifth baby I had a horrible pregnancy and it took me a good 6 months of I'll health to recover. When I got a surprise sixth pregnancy I felt discouraged about the prospect of going through that again. But guess what? My sixth pregnancy actually ended up being my easiest of all and I had a great, quick recovery. So take heart and just enjoy this -- it's probably your last time around so let go of the stress at what might be hard and just enjoy and look forward to a best friend for your little guy. Best wishes and keep us posted!

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