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-   -   Help I'm so confused (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/2686446-help-im-so-confused.html)

Lauralau October 17th, 2013 07:12 AM

Help I'm so confused
I have just found out I'm pregnant, last night. I didn't notice I had missed my period as we have been on holiday, become engaged, had my birthday... It's been an incredible few months but have now been shocked to the core with this unplanned pregnancy. I have cried almost continuously since taking the home test and feel so lost. We have a Wedding being planned for 2015 and a once in a lifetime holiday in June 2014 for a friends wedding in Mexico - I never envisioned having a baby before I'm married and I'm panicking I haven't done enough with our lives before having a child yet. I'm really confused though and so is my fiancÚ.

Urchin October 17th, 2013 07:51 AM

Re: Help I'm so confused
Hi there,
Finding out you're pregnant when you didn't plan it can be pretty eye-opening.

Try to focus on the positives though. You're engaged to the man of your dreams! You have him right beside you to help you along this journey. It may have happened ahead of schedule, but it's something that you can both find joy in, I'm sure.

Of course there will need to be some changes in your life. First you need to see a doctor and find out exactly how far along you are.

You may not be able to participate in some travelling, which I am sure is disappointing, but having a child will not keep you from doing these things in the future. You won't be confined to your house :)

I personally got pregnant before our wedding, unexpectedly. We just moved the wedding to when my daughter was 6 months old. It was still a spectacular time, and even extra special, since my daughter was part of our wedding party!

Try to see the joy in this. Best wishes *hugs*

You might also want to join one of the due date clubs here, when you find out when you are due. Those ladies are SO supportive!

Lauralau October 17th, 2013 01:35 PM

Re: Help I'm so confused
Thank you for your reply and your kind words. I understand how selfish it must sound to hear me talking about missing a holiday but it's 20 of our closet friends that we have grown up with and the first and last time we will all be together on holiday without children. I'm 28 but I really didn't think I'd be in this situation just have I have so many Amazing opportunities. Is it normal to feel so emotional, I haven't stopped crying and feel terrible that I am contemplating a termination. Surely I shouldn't be considering such a thing if it was right. I've always imagined being over the moon with joy but I just feel ill and cry all th time trying to figure it all out. I think I'm 10 weeks pregnant and I'm just so overwhelmed I've only just found out. Ie also been drinking and smoking up until last night (when I took the test) as I was unaware and I'm terrified I've damaged the baby.

mamatomany October 17th, 2013 05:48 PM

Re: Help I'm so confused
First off, don't worry about the smoking and drinking. Now is the time to get healthy. Pretty much everything you will read says that what you do before finding out about your pregnancy won't matter that much. Stop smoking and drinking a and get on a prenatal vitamin and don't stress :).

As for your other concern, feeling upset and not excited does not make you a bad mother at all. In fact, it's pretty common to feel this way about an unplanned pregnancy. Honestly, it makes sense. Right now, all you can see is the very concrete negatives -- potentially missing out on things you've been looking forward to, the sacrifices you'll have to make, changes that will happen. You can't see and can't even begin to imagine the incredible positives of this tiny son or daughter. You can't hold your child in your arms, can't imagine the hilarious things he or she will say, the look in his or her eyes when he sees you, the sound of that first belly laugh, the face that's a strangely perfect mix of you and your boyfriend. There's no way to feel the aching joy of motherhood before you experience it. You have to have faith that it's coming, and that it will far and away any negatives you're facing now.

Also remember that you're in a great place, as the previous poster said. You have a loving and supportive fiancÚ and a wedding planned. Also at 10 weeks you're probably due in early May. There really is no reason you can't go on your Mexico trip, but with the addition of one adorable baby. We were living abroad when my first was born and took our first trip with her when she was only a week old. Your sweet baby will be over a month old, a perfect age for a trip to a gorgeous resort and though it won't be a party-til-you-drop vacation, you can still have a fabulous time and relax in the sand with a chubby cutey.

Anyway, all this to say that I know, without a doubt, that you will absolutely not regret this little child :). Best wishes and keep us posted!

DeletedUser12345 October 20th, 2013 10:39 PM

Re: Help I'm so confused
If you hurt the baby in your first trimester, usually your body will reject it. The fact that you stopped those things tells me deep down you don't want to hurt the baby and your mothering instincts are kicking in. I think overall the situation isn't so bad. I know the crying thing. I was going through a divorce at 24 almost a year ago when I found out. Now I'm a single mom and loving every day with my son. I hope you keep us posted either way. It is your choice but I honestly think in your situation it seems like its baby vs vacation so it seems like a no brainer.. But I don't know all the facts.

MerinSun October 20th, 2013 10:44 PM

Re: Help I'm so confused
Meh, I personally wouldn't take a one month old on a vacation to a foreign country. If you can, you can always leave the baby with relatives. If you're planning on breastfeeding take a very good pump with you and make arrangements with TSA about transporting all the milk back. Point is, there's no reason why you can't go and spend a happy week with friends.

You're not selfish for feeling upset at this sudden change. It's normal :) Just think, though, in 2015 when you get married you'll have a walking baby by then and he/she can participate! It'll be very cute!

Wish you the best of luck!

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