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-   -   May be pregnant, ultrasound TODAY and not sure how I feel about it (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/2704423-may-pregnant-ultrasound-today-and-not-sure-how-i-feel-about.html)

kkelley1226 January 21st, 2014 10:13 AM

May be pregnant, ultrasound TODAY and not sure how I feel about it
Hi there! So, my fiance and I have gone back and forth with this possible pregnancy.

I have previously missed several months of my period because of stress (at one point, I missed 6 consecutive months), so a missed period wasn't anything for me to fall to pieces over. My last one was in October, and I started having symptoms in early-to-mid December - morning sickness, extreme bloating, breast tenderness, cravings... all of that.

We had been talking about it as though we were going to keep it (after having taken two tests and getting two positives) and finally we both broke down and admitted that neither of us wanted to have a child at this point in our lives. We are not financially stable, nor did we plan on having kids in the future.

As soon as we admitted that to each other and stopped giving this pregnancy so much attention, symptoms started to slow down so much that they've nearly stopped. No more morning sickness, no frequent urination, or breast swelling, cravings, none of that. I have had two miscarriages in the past, and when I was a young teen I went through a traumatic abortion that I did not want to go through with. I am concerned that I'd only gotten myself worked up and caused a false pregnancy.

Now, I am getting ready to finally go to get a basic ultrasound, and I am so, so nervous. What if there is nothing there and there is something internally wrong with my body, or if I'll need treatment and counselling to cope with a false pregnancy? What if there IS a fetus there and we have to go through an abortion, even with our limited income right now? Even more complicated, what if we see the ultrasound and see something there and rather than both of us feeling one thing or the other, only one of us decides in that moment that we want to keep it?

There are so many what-ifs right now, and I haven't been this nervous in such a long time. Really working up my anxiety today. I suppose I just wanted to reach out to others here and find some support and advice in this.

Rainbow Momma January 21st, 2014 01:57 PM

Re: May be pregnant, ultrasound TODAY and not sure how I feel about it
Stay calm. at this point thats all you can do until you get that ultra sound. once you have the ultra sound results then you can start to make decisions. so stay calm! it will work out one way or another!

kkelley1226 January 23rd, 2014 04:41 AM

Re: May be pregnant, ultrasound TODAY and not sure how I feel about it
So we got the ultrasound, and there in front of my was the image of a tiny, growing little person. We found out quickly that I was MUCH further along than we'd expected we could be - 15 weeks, due in July!! As soon as I saw the screen, this calmness flooded over me and I couldn't take my eyes off of it. Such an amazing moment. Needless to say, we're both so excited to be planning for our first child! We're not in a great financial situation right now, but it isn't forever.

For now, we're concerned about the reactions that we'll get from my side of the family. When we announced our engagement, we got a happy reaction from my grandmother after a stunned silence, and that was the very best reaction we got - far better in comparison to the rest. Mom still calls Jeramy my boyfriend... she won't acknowledge the reality of it, and we got very few congratulations from anyone in the family.

So I'm less than thrilled to be telling my family that we're expecting - when we announced the engagement, it was the end of the world. I am held to extraordinary standards by my family; I was to go to graduate school, work in some superior workforce, and earn a ton of money before I even think about marrying. That's just not me, and that's just not how my life has worked out, and they can't seem to put away their own images of what my life should look like and be proud of what they see before them! I am about to graduate from the University of Mount Union with a degree in Psychology, minors in Sociology and Gender Studies. I had planned to take a year off from school, as the last year has been a bundle of anxiety attacks and extreme stress and I just need a break! But I'd decided that no matter what happens an online degree for graduate school is the best place to start - I'm switching gears and planning on studying comparative religion and world cultures. We hadn't planned to have a child so early (if at all!), hell I hadn't planned to meet the love of my life and get engaged! But it happened, and I wouldn't change it one bit. This is OUR life together, and the beauty of it is that we really have no idea what's going to happen next. If my family could just let go of their plans and expectations for me and see how wonderful this life could be just taking it one step at a time... this stress would dissipate quickly.

WhynotaddtomyZoo February 2nd, 2014 08:53 PM

Re: May be pregnant, ultrasound TODAY and not sure how I feel about it

cooper1414 February 11th, 2014 09:36 AM

Re: May be pregnant, ultrasound TODAY and not sure how I feel about it
Congratulations! That is beautiful and you will find that while life threw this curve at you, the joy of being a parent is amazing! You will look into this sweet child's eyes and your heart will just melt. Everything will work out.

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