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-   -   Confused and scared. (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/2715384-confused-and-scared.html)

BuddhaJessy April 6th, 2014 08:57 PM

Confused and scared.
I'm 20 years old, and my fiance and I just found out yesterday that we are pregnant. I've never been a kid person, and we're not really financially stable enough to have a baby comfortably. Also in January my fiance and I went through a rough patch, and I ended up sleeping with my ex. We did not use protection, because as far as my doctors were concerned, I was not able to get pregnant. My fiance and I have not used protection for a while either. I'm scared because I don't want this baby to be the product of my ex-boyfriend, and while my fiance already knows everything about that situation, I'm scared what will become of this baby if it is my ex-boyfriends. I've considered abortion, because I do not feel that I am ready for a baby, nor do I feel that I will ever gain that "mommy sense", but I've also considered having this baby, because I don't know if I could go through with an abortion. I really just need advice from someone on the outside. And I definitely don't need criticism, so please only post if you actually have some good advice..

lemieuxcrew April 7th, 2014 06:12 AM

Re: Confused and scared.
OK, I wont criticize you but I may mama bear you a little :) - condoms are for more than stopping babies! Please, generally, be careful. Also, why would your doctors think you were unable to get pregnant? (Could this also affect the viability of a pregnancy?) No one here will tell you the best thing is an abortion. Everyone will tell you to keep the baby. I am very pro-choice, and even I feel like I would be struck by lightening if I ever advised anyone to do that! I can say many young mothers have had babies and been very happy. Mommy sense comes....I promise. However, I wonder, at your age do you have family you can turn to? Mom, Dad, Sister, Aunt? Someone who can be there for you as you navigate this decision and what it could mean for your future? How far along are you? Have you been to a doctor yet? I was once in your position a long long time ago.....I ended up with a sac but no baby. In other words, the decision made itself, I had miscarried. So I would CERTAINLY say step one is go to a doc.....any doc. And don't be afraid of planned pregnancy - some folks will say they try to "talk you into abortions" or "get funded by how many abortions." Hogwash. Go in to somewhere who can confirm pregnancy, give you an annual, date the pregnancy, and maybe tell you if the pregnancy is viable. That's my advice! And good luck. I hope you aren't too scared.....

cooper1414 April 7th, 2014 07:17 PM

Re: Confused and scared.
Many Crisis Pregnancy Centers will also confirm pregnancy, provide free ultra sounds, provide counseling...real counseling and hook you up with resources to help you with your decision. This is all completely free of charge.... They have nothing financially to gain by providing their services.

BillieGirl April 7th, 2014 10:00 PM

Re: Confused and scared.
Hello, I am sorry you are going through this. It is really tough. And I don't judge you or feel that you deserve to be criticized. I am at 13 weeks now- my pregnancy is unplanned and in the middle of a lot of other crap. I decided to keep the baby because, to me, I am old enough, have a masters degree, etc. But, no one can make that decision for you- it will take a lot of thought, to get an abortion or to keep the baby. It is truly up to you and whatever you choose- don't let others make you feel bad about. I also am not a kid person, and did not think feelings of "mom love" would come. I have noticed that they are still faint, but they are getting there for me. I am getting more excited as I go along, and as people around me are excited and loving. But, with that being said- I have a ton of support. I hope your family and friends are supportive of whatever you do. I went to planned parenthood and to a crisis pregnancy center. PP was great, they gave me all the information I needed to know and absolutely DID NOT try to push me in to an abortion- they were extremely supportive. However, I needed an ultrasound because after I made the decision to not abort, I wanted to know if there was anything going on in there, as I had just gone through a lot of stress. So, I went to a crisis center for a free ultrasound. They were nice, but honestly, also very, very strange and I had to explain several times that I was keeping the baby, I didn't need the abortion talk whenever I met a new person. I am sure every center is different, though.So, I would use this resource, but not if you are wanting real information on abortion vs. keeping a baby- go to PP. Go to the Crisis centers for free stuff, resources and to help create plans if you want to keep the baby. I hope that things get better for you, and, hopefully there will be something that will lead you to the right decision for you. I had a few "signs" I would like to think. It didn't make any of this easier- I cried for days after I chose not to abort, but I know I just had to grieve all the losses I had experienced lately. Please keep us updated- I don't know if there is a way to private message on this site, but, if you need to, I wouldn't mind talking with you as an outside support person that doesn't know you or anything about you. At times that is helpful! Take care.

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