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-   -   Unplanned Pregnancy, Birth Control Failed, Don't want a baby (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/2725812-unplanned-pregnancy-birth-control-failed-dont-want-baby.html)

singlelaura July 9th, 2014 10:40 AM

Unplanned Pregnancy, Birth Control Failed, Don't want a baby
I am 33 and I was married for 10 years and never thought of having a child. After nearly two years of divorce I have started dating a friend of mine 4 months ago. After 6 weeks of no period, spotting a couple of times after sex and suddenly feeling tired I decided to take a pregnancy test. Last night I took two. The positive line was straight up and down the negative line did not show, am I pregnant? And if so I am so confused and torn on what to do. I am debating having an abortion because I can't deal with the humility of telling others I am pregnant out of wedlock. This is only the 2nd person I have ever been with and I have been on the pill for 12 years now. I never imagined getting pregnant. I am a professional and I own a couple of businesses I am terrified of what people will say about my illegitimate child and how I can possibly have a child with all of my jobs I currently have. I want to schedule an abortion and not tell my boyfriend who has made it very clear in the next 2-3 years he wants a child.

lemieuxcrew July 10th, 2014 05:38 AM

Re: Unplanned Pregnancy, Birth Control Failed, Don't want a baby
So you are worried about wedlock and not abortion? That seems counter intuitive to me. I am not religious at all so maybe I just dont understand the morals that says it is not ok to have a baby if you are not "married" but it is ok to end it's life?

I am super pro choice - but I personally think that you are not thinking this through clearly. Especially keeping it a secret from your boyfriend? Not cool.

And PS - I am on my third child and have not only worked a VERY professional life but have also obtained advanced degrees.

Im sorry, I am usually not this harsh if you read my posts - but I really think a reality check is in order here. Please talk to your boyfriend, and maybe a counselor.

Kristina86 July 10th, 2014 10:11 PM

Re: Unplanned Pregnancy, Birth Control Failed, Don't want a baby
Who cares what other people will think? Most people don't even care about that these days. Sure, it's not the most ideal scenario, but things happen. Heck, I think most of my friend's first babies were conceived out of wedlock.

What matters is what YOU want. Do you want this baby? How do you think your life will be with a baby? How will you deal with an abortion if you went through with it?

If you want this baby, you will find a way to make it work.

And talk to your boyfriend before deciding. In the end it's your decision of course but it may help and he has a right to know.

GGirly July 12th, 2014 12:59 AM

Re: Unplanned Pregnancy, Birth Control Failed, Don't want a baby
Have you considered open adoption? If you are not wanting to have this baby, there are a lot of families who would love to raise your child. With open adoption you would be giving your child life and you could have on-going contact with your child. When it comes down to it, people may judge you, but there will also be people around you that will stand by you and even admire your strength and courage. Don't make a decision out of fear regarding what other may think. If you want to learn more about open adoption, you can check out openadoptioncalifornia dot com. I hope this helps...and please do talk to your boyfriend.

flitabout July 13th, 2014 07:11 PM

Re: Unplanned Pregnancy, Birth Control Failed, Don't want a baby
I think jumping into an abortion too fast is going to back fire and make you feel like dirt in the end. I am a big one for pro-choice. So I am not questioning that part but you need to tell your boyfriend. Truly who cares if your married or not?

My2miracles July 17th, 2014 12:13 PM

Re: Unplanned Pregnancy, Birth Control Failed, Don't want a baby
This is 2014 last time I checked and people don't care about in & out of wedlock pregnancies anymore. And if someone does, they aren't worth your time. My niece had 2 kids granted by the same guy but they just got married this year & their children are 6 & 1. No one cares.

Thankfulhelpmeet July 18th, 2014 10:14 AM

Re: Unplanned Pregnancy, Birth Control Failed, Don't want a baby
I think you will regret it one day if you abort an innocent baby. It is not the best of circumstances but you chose to have sex so I would choose to keep the baby. Perhaps afterwards you could get married even?

eshute July 21st, 2014 02:17 PM

Re: Unplanned Pregnancy, Birth Control Failed, Don't want a baby
First off - have you taken another, more clear test? You mentioned that you're not sure if you're pregnant. Something about a positive and "negative" line. If there are two lines, or there is a cross, then chances are you're pregnant. If there's only one line, the test is negative or invalid. USUALLY. I'm not sure what tests you're using. maybe get a digital so that it's absolutely clear.

Second of all, I have to agree that getting an abortion because you're not married isn't really a reason to get an abortion. If you want the baby, have it. If you truly do not want the baby and aren't prepared to care for the child and love it fully, then you consider abortion or adoption. You need to tell the boyfriend, though, he deserves to know.

Oh. And my SO and I are on baby number two. I don't even have an engagement ring. Not a single person cares that we're not married. I know this isn't the case for everyone, but you can't live your life worried about those things.

Best of luck to you.

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