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Becky0585 July 18th, 2014 02:26 PM

Unplanned pregnancy
So confused i' 29 i was on the pill i'm 8 weeks pregnant & booked in for a termination next week the thing is i dont know if its what i want. The father said he'll support me either way but he said he wouldnt like me if i kept it, he has a child from a pervious relationship, by the way his ex doesnt know about me & him. He said he would tell her either way but now i'm terminating hes not going to. Says he doesnt want a relationship but weve been together for 8 months hes said we'll talk about it after the termination & since finding out 2 weeks ago hes let me stay at his every night as support but i dont know if its so i dont change my mind or hes been genuinely nice. He says it would wreck his life if i kept it coz he has no money, people will be nasty with me & make our life hell what am i meant to do? I dont want to be hated or disappoint him. I promised i would never trap him now this has happened.Can i betray him & keep it ill have support from friends & family i have a job but can i destroy his life like he said it would & keep it against his wishes? But then will i feel guilty getting a termination?
Please any advice would be grateful.

bugz July 18th, 2014 07:12 PM

Re: Unplanned pregnancy
It doesn't sound like YOU want an abortion. I'm going to be honest here, if you don't want an abortion you shouldn't have one. You will regret it and there is no going back. Many people regret abortions, no one regrets keeping their baby. There are also many people who don't regret abortions, but those are women who knew the choice was right for them. I'm pro-choice. I believe a woman has a right to choose whether she wants a child, as does the father. But you really sound like you're only considering it because the father wants it.

The father has the option to stay or leave. If you choose to keep the baby, he doesn't have to stay. No one is forcing him into anything. You can do it on your own, many women do.

And of course, there is always adoption if that is something you would prefer. There is closed and open adoption. Closed adoption typically involves no contact with the birth mother and child. Open adoption can be anything from getting letters and pictures a couple times a year to seeing the child monthly or weekly. It is something the birth and adoptive parents decide.

All I can say is do not get an abortion because the father wants you to. That is a decision you will never get over. You are completely entitled to have this child if you want to. He has the option of being in the child's life or not.

I am pregnant with a little boy named Emmett. He was unplanned and the timing couldn't be worse. But I do not regret my decision to keep him at all and in just 3 months I'll be holding my little boy in my arms.

flitabout July 19th, 2014 11:17 AM

Re: Unplanned pregnancy
Shanna is right. He doesn't sound like either way he'll stick around. So this is decision you need to make. Do you really want to do this? There's no take backs. I am a totally pro-choice woman. But only if you are totally ok with that decision. I am currently pregnant with my 5th and my 3rd oopsy. But I knew going into it that there was no way I could not have him. I am in a bit better of a situation because I am married and my husband is over the moon about this baby. It took me a lot longer to get to that point. Our first who is now 11 was a total oops. We had only been dating for a month when I found out I was pregnant. I was broke unemployed and living with my mother. It couldn't have happened at a worse time! But some how it worked out. If you keep your baby you are not choosing to trap your BF you are choosing to have your baby. If he bails that is his choice, but you can do this. But it has to be your choice either way.

Becky0585 July 19th, 2014 01:33 PM

Re: Unplanned pregnancy
Thanks to you both i'm just so confused i feel guilty when i think of getting an abortion but feel guilty keeping it because of how he will react & what it would do to him i think i love him more then he does me he would disagree though i cant help think even if i was keeping it he should of still asked me to stay but he only asked me to stay when i agreed to get a termination is it so i didnt change my mind & he could keep telling me its for the best to terminate?

GGirly July 19th, 2014 03:18 PM

Re: Unplanned pregnancy
Hi Becky,
I can only imagine the emotional struggle you must be feeling right now, but if you are feeling pressured to make a decision to terminate and you don't want to, don't. If he truly wants to be with you, he will support you in whatever decision you make. This is your decision so please don't allow a guy to force your hand. You can stand up to him and for your baby. If you aren't ready to be a mom, there are families who want to start a family so badly and can't (me included) that would love to adopt your baby. The thing that I love about open adoption is that you would still be able to know your child, and your child would know that you loved them so much that you made some hard choices that meant giving them life and a family that you hand picked for them. It is your decision, so please look at all of your options before making a rash decision that you can't take back.

Agreeing to terminate your pregnancy will not keep him in your life. It is temporary. If he truly loves you and wants to stay with you, he will be supportive of you no matter what you choose. If you want to learn more about open adoption check out openadoptioncalifornia dot com. My contact information is also on that page under about us if you just need someone to talk to.

Ami89 July 20th, 2014 01:17 AM

Re: Unplanned pregnancy
I am pro choice, so I will not judge what you think right, however, I feel your guy is pressuring you so he doesn't have to supports this child, and isn't talking your feeling into the matter at all.

Please remember, take what you feel to heart. I know you don't wanna disappoint him, but at the same I think your letting his feeling over shadow you own, which isn't good. You need to make a choice you can live with 10 years down the road. What ever that choice is, is okay.

P.s.IMO, hopefully I'm not stepping over a line here, but I believe you need to step up an appoitment with an doctor and then see how you feel. I only say this because you seem so unsure, and I think this will put stuff into focus for you.

lemieuxcrew July 20th, 2014 06:26 AM

Re: Unplanned pregnancy
I agree with the other posters. While it is a choice it is ultimately your choice, not his. Dont ever let a man take your power from you. I hope you make the choice that is best for you. Good luck.

bugz July 20th, 2014 05:57 PM

Re: Unplanned pregnancy
Honestly, if he really loved you he would stay no matter what. When I got pregnant with this baby my BF did not want him. He said he thought an abortion would be best, given the timing, but that he was going to stay with me no matter what because he loved me. When I told him that I wasn't going to have an abortion, that was that and he never mentioned it again. Any man that says he will leave if you don't have an abortion doesn't love you.

Based on the way he is acting, I really don't think he will stick around either way.

Becky0585 July 21st, 2014 11:27 AM

Re: Unplanned pregnancy
Well told him i couldnt go tomorrow for the termination said i needed more time & hes said i'm selfish & what i want i get no matter the consequences said ive ruined his life & any chance of a normal relationship with his other child. Hes said he wants nothing to do with me & only wants to know important dates said he'll probably have to move away i feel like ive really disappointed him

Sassalota July 21st, 2014 12:56 PM

Re: Unplanned pregnancy
HUGS! I am just lurking and i am sorry but I had to jump in because it just seems like you want your baby and he is terrible. Honestly I know you have to be so stressed right now but it sounds like he needs to grow up. You are not being selfish by being concerned about the life inside you. He is being selfish by not thinking of you and his child. It is not all about him.

You said you think you love him but you know that if you keep this baby you will love this baby more than you can possibly love any man. I married the man of my dreams and he is amazing but that love does not compete to the love of a mom and her child. It is so fierce. You are strong. Look at how much courage it took to even talk to him about this. You don't need him. You already got the BEST part of him and even though it seems like stress now, that baby will become the best thing you have.

Please don't rethink your decision to not have to abortion. I am not judging but it sounds from reading your posts that you don't want too and this can be so confusing (pregnancy hormones are crazy). Dont let him guilt you into this. I think if you wanted to end the pregnancy you would not even have come here to ask the question.

You could be an amazing mom. Look at what you already have done to stick up for you and baby.

Yes and you do the the option of adoption if you decide it is too much for you right now. Don't over look that option either. There are amazing people waiting to be parents if you decide that is the best option for you.

He is a man and he will never understand what a women goes through when she is pregnant. But the one thing no women can ever be by being pregnant is selfish. He is dead wrong about that. Bringing a life into the world is the most unselfish thing you can do.

GGirly July 24th, 2014 09:06 PM

Re: Unplanned pregnancy
I'm very proud of you for standing your ground and not letting him make this decision for you. I want you to know that YOU are not ruining his life...you are giving the child that you both conceived life. In the face of opposition that is a brave decision. Whether you decide to keep the baby and raise it yourself or find a family to adopt your baby, you are giving your child the opportunity to live and for that I am truly thankful. I know you feel like you have disappointed him, but remember that your decision is not for him it is for your child and it is not selfish it is selfless. He has it wrong. He seems to be lashing out and just trying to hurt you. If he doesn't want this baby, he doesn't have to be in the picture. Stay strong and keep us posted. I will be praying for you (I hope that is ok).

Becky0585 July 25th, 2014 05:12 AM

Re: Unplanned pregnancy
Thank you to you all i'm keeping the baby the father has said he despises me & thinks i'm a trapping b***h & has told me to prepare to hurt like he is so ill be doing this with support from family & hopefully friends :/

lemieuxcrew July 25th, 2014 05:15 AM

Re: Unplanned pregnancy
Sounds like a lovely guy. He doesnt have to care. (But he does have to pay - keep track of his income, where he moves, etc... he will need to pay child support when the baby is born.)

And join a DDC for support. The girls will help you through this.

YOU CAN DO IT!!!!! The second you meet that baby you will be more in love than you could EVER be with ANY man. And you will never look back. Good luck!!!!

bugz July 26th, 2014 09:08 PM

Re: Unplanned pregnancy
-Post deleted as I am permanently leaving this forum do to bullying and extremely rude people. I do not recommend this forum to anyone unless you want to be bullied. The mods do absolutely nothing to stop it. If you are a bully you will fit in great.

Carmela755 July 27th, 2014 08:57 PM

Re: Unplanned pregnancy
Congratulations for keeping your baby. To be honest with you, he is not meant to be with you and your child because he will never be a good father and bad husband. So, your child is a blessing to hell with your ex and go on with your new life with your unborn child. This is just part of life and you are going to get pass through this. Always pray and remember that you are not alone. I know you will be the best mom for your child, good luck and God Bless.

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