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Kal September 11th, 2007 08:12 AM

Well I guess I officially belong here now. Got what appears to be a positive hpt this morning. For the past couple weeks my bf has been insisting that I'm pregnant because I've been sleeping half the day and not feeling well and craving foods (after the stores are closed of all times). And in the back of my mind I knew he was right but we didn't want to believe it. So when I saw the test this morning it really hit me, and now I'm totally freaking out. Unfortunately we've had an abortion before about a year and a half ago (really bad timing, were both still living at home), the thought did briefly cross our minds this time but we still feel horrible about last time so couldn't do it again. Now it's still bad timing (we are living together but looking to move in a couple months, career changes, getting engaged (the baby will be here before the wedding, parents won't like this)). I was sure I knew when I was ovulating but apparently I was wrong. Though it doesn't help that I have no idea when my last period was, so I don't even know how far along I am. I have a dr appt in a week so he'll do an u/s and find out. I'm scared of everything: telling people (i really worry about people think of me), all the blood work (i pass out getting needles), that it won't be healthy (i don't eat healthy at all, i hate fruits and vegetables, i'm such a picky eater and really underweight for my height), being sick, etc etc.... I'm just one big freak out today, I don't know what to do.

Melanie. September 11th, 2007 09:15 AM

Believe me, I did all of that.

I don't believe in abortion for myself, so that never did occur to me. BUT! You are pregnant and you're just now realizing it. So give it time, let it sink in, and I swear to you that if you choose to keep this baby you will love it forever. I'm 4 months along, I've had all of the exams, bloodwork, everything, but nothing compares to how you feel when you first hear its heartbeat and see it on the screen.

I was 17 when I found out, just got engaged, my fiance was off to a major college (the one of his dreams, mind you), and I was going to be completely alone. We actually broke up for a few days because of it. We were so upset, throwing our lives away, whatever. He's now in community college, I'm still working, going to high school, and he works at Spencer's. We're going to get an apartment together soon and try to make all of this work. We love that little baby SOOO much. You have no idea... yet. ;) When this happeneds, you just make it work.

It's not perfect or 'ideal' and I couldn't care less about what people think of me. I was in an exclusive relationship with the guy I love for a year and half, and they can't make me feel bad about myself or my child. Jesse gave up all of his plans to stay with us. You just have to give the guy time to come around. He comes to all of my appointments and talks to my belly on the phone every night. :lol:

Don't let your family influence you to do something again that you are already regretting and feeling terrible about. If you do it, do it for yourself. Because nothing will bring it back once it's gone and you're the one who has to deal with that. Besides the physical affect it has on your body, sometimes the women become sterile from the scar tissue/trauma on your uterus.

Good luck in your decision. I hope it gets easier for you and you stick around either way. Lots of love.


Oh yes, I forgot. There's always the Recovering From An Abortion Loss. There's a lot of girls on there and they're very nice. :smile:

Kalia20 September 11th, 2007 11:51 AM

I live with my bf, hes working on his schooling and working ft, I wanted to as well while looking for a full time job. Got pregnant so I'm stuck only working pt :(. Now my parents are bugging us to get married. TOUGH. Don't need a piece of paper to be together. This isnt the 1950's. There are more important things to put money towards. They want us to be "traditional" and proper/ do the "right thing" and have us married before I have it. So I told them that traditionally its the brides parents that pay for the wedding. That shut them up ;)

Don't worry about the whole not eating many fruits and vegetables thing. You will be amazed at how your appetite changes and the things you will be DYING to eat that you just don't like or cant stomach while not pregnant. And vice versa. There are lots of supplements and such too.

If you are worried about telling your parents, you can always wait 12 weeks. I know some couples like to wait until after the first trimester, others dont. We told some people early, others we waited till 13weeks. Whatever works for you

Nikki. September 11th, 2007 04:03 PM

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Planned or not, it is still a blessing.

I hope you everything works out for you. Your family might surprise you (like mine did) and be very happy. You do not have to tell them right away, but good luck when you do.

I hope you stick around, the ladies here are great with listening and offering advice.

adinadonnie September 11th, 2007 07:04 PM

:bluecheer: :cheer: You have been blessed with a baby. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!! My son was an accident. He was not a "mistake". My bf and I had been together for 3 1/2 years and arguing when I found out I was PG. We weren't married and my family had told me for years that it would be a disgrace if I had a baby without being married. I didn't have a 4 door car. We lived (and still do) in a trailer that was made in 1981 and fell apart years before we bought it. I was only working part-time and wasn't making enough to pay the bills and didn't have enough to foot a hospital bill even though I had health insurance. We got married when I was 6 month PG and I took a teaching job at 7 months PG. We are still looking for a house we can afford and land that he likes. (The combination of land and house is what gets us b/c we won't compromise but anyways) We are still driving my 2 door car b/c its paid for and to me there's no point in having a car payment before we have another baby and a house.

So anyway, the long and the short of it is that things do work out and just stressing because things aren't "perfect" in your life yet so you can't have a baby is bad. Your baby will love you and you will love it regardless of what your parents think, your friends, your bf, your house, your car or your education level. My son doesn't care about anything except "Is he loved?" He's 2 almost, and he's the best thing that ever happened to me. If we had aborted, which at one point I asked (b/c my DH was explaining all the bad and so I offered even though I would have told him no and left him), I would never have met my son and I cannot imagine life without my munchkin. When I'm having a bad day, his smiles, laughs, and kisses always brighten my day.

Also, my pregnancy led to my marriage, which led to a family reunion, which meant that all of my dad's side of the family came together for the first time in 28 years. Four months later my Papa died. If I hadn't been pg, I wouldn't have gotten together with family I hadn't seen in 10 years, and all of us wouldn't have the memory of us all spending time together somewhere other than the hospital and hospice waiting on Papa to die. He was able to hold his first great-grand for the first 6 weeks of his life before dying. I didn't even know my Papa was sick when I was in my first tri-mester.

I know this is lots of personal information but if it helps great. Good luck and best wishes with whatever you decide.

Kal September 12th, 2007 08:59 AM

I'm just torn because there's a lot of things we've been planning to do in the near future. We're big into cars and we each have our own project car that we're working on and building up. Bf said we'll have to put them away and not touch them for a few years. Not to sound selfish or whatever but it's been my dream since I was a little kid. Then there's the issue of his family. I can't even begin to describe how annoyingly ridiculous and judgmental they are. Bf and I are engaged, I just don't have the official ring yet and we haven't told families yet. So if we spring that on them and then a few weeks later spring a baby on them...they're going to flip. And naturally think that's the reason we got engaged and blame me and say it's my fault and that he got trapped into marrying me, blah blah blah.... I don't want to live my life with that and having to deal with that. And it's not like we can just shut out the family cuz they're there all the time, everyone is everyone else's business, if you tell one person something, within minutes the entire rest of the family knows. Some days I don't even think I want to bring a kid into that crap. I'd like to move out of the country so we don't have to be around them. So obviously we have a lot of talking to do to figure this out.

Kalia20 September 12th, 2007 10:07 AM

^ Your story sounds so similar to mine, I didnt want a baby right now either. We are trying to get our lives in order, ie financially and career wise. That takes time and money, paying off debts and coming up with more money to go to school and eventually get new jobs and money saved up and own a house and have one of his cars, his baby, back on the road. We're not struggling as in our bills are paid on time, we have everything we need and a savings thats very slowly growing, but its not like we can out for a weekend vacation or anything. BUT things happen. I'm fine waiting to go to school for a few years if I have to, and even tho hes depressed watching his car just sit there and not having much work done to it, cause thats one of his dreams too, same as building his own house, hes willing to wait to be a dad. Thats his biggest dream ever. Sacrifices sometimes have to be made. Will be worth it in the long run. I keep telling myself that everyday. Everything takes time.

Don't let family pressure you into getting married. Thats one of the biggest decisions you will ever make, do it when YOU are ready. A relationship is TWO people, NOT two people and the family. Family and friends are of course allowed to give their opinions, but not allowed to have control whatsoever. His family is meddling too and feel they have the right to control his life. We don't stand for it. We don't control their lives, they can't control ours. One reason why we live 5 hours away. If we ever decide to get married, it will be on our terms, not theirs. My parents try to guilt us into marriage. We don't guilt easy. Besides, I don't want to get married while I'm fat!! lol

Jax September 14th, 2007 06:05 PM

you're in the right place!! Despite being married when I got pregnant (though I was only 20 then.. 21 now) my husband and I hated each other. hah. understatment. We went through a VERY difficult time. Actually, the night that I tested was the first night we hadn't been in a huge argument in like.. 4 months. And then it ended with finding out I was pregnant.

I cried for two weeks. I had SO much left that I wanted to accomplish. I'm not done with college, I didn't even PLAN on staying married, and I was about to turn 21 (not that drinking is something that I even ever do, I just always wanted to celebrate)

The only thought that made me happy was getting an abortion. Something I had never even considered before. Our parents were NOT supportive because my own parents waited SOOOO late to have me and my brother.. and my husbands family hated (and still hate) me.

But I didn't. And my husband grew up and suddenly because the 25 year old man he should have been (have I mentioned that he is downright amazing now??) and I love this baby with my whole heart.

Jar lost his job when I was 6 months pregnant, so we've gone through a few struggles (especially financially) but we're managing. Now we both work and go to school and it's been really good for both of us.

I am SOOOOOO freaking excited. 6 weeks left. You'll be amazed at how fast it goes!!!!!!!!

so here's something you may not hear from everyone in your life.. but it's okay....

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!! you guys made a life = )

and p.s.- despite his parents hating me, and my own parents not being thrilled when I broke it to them.. they're both REALLY excited now.

2Corinthians10:4 September 14th, 2007 06:33 PM

Well I just want to say congratulations. Even though this baby was not planned it is still a blessing, even though it might not seem like it now. Trust me, when I found out I was having this baby I was 18 (still am lol), a college cheerleader, and had just broken up with the dad two weeks earlier (who is also a college cheerleader). To put it lightly I was a little upset. But now Im 12 weeks along and actually excited about it. Its a big step but I know I can handle it. And he says he is going to come around and help out but who knows for sure.

Just take everyday one minute at a time, and dont stress over not having good eating habits. Mine were horrible before I got prego. I just started craving healthy food that I have never liked before. Your baby knows what it needs. Good Luck!

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