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m4bubs December 21st, 2004 04:37 PM

Hi Ladies,

I am new to these boards and just feel horrible to be in this situation. It is completely ridiculous to feel this way but I am just so overwhelmed. Dh & I have been together for 10yrs and we have four children and did not want anymore. We agreed he was to get a vasectomy after our last child was born...it has been nearly 12mths and of couse here I am pregnant again. Rationally this child will not make any waves - we dont' need to buy a bigger car and we are already have home extensions in planning. The pregnancy has been complicated to date (I am only 10wks) by a virus which can have adverse effects. We have to wait it out. This has added stress. Now that I am almost dealing with that I find myself panicking over the thought of having five kids. How will I cope? When will I do anything for myself? Sounds selfish I know but I have only had 8mths of our whole marriage where I haven't been either pregnant or breastfeeding. Dh is not supportive at all which I find totally ironic. He is blaming me for everything - he has this rash which is says has only come up since I told him I was pregnant, he complains that we won't be able to go places and this puts us back to square one again isntead of moving on as a family. He complains that money will be tight etc We dont' live a very high life and the $ we have will do just fine. Nothing seems to make him happy. early in the pregnancy a termination was suggested by my Dr due to the virus but I jsut couldn't do it. Teh virus sdoesn't cause any brain damage or other malformations. Instead it can cause fliud and cardiac problems causing fetal death. I woudl rather wait and let things unfold then I will know that it was meant to be. I am so cranky at him. He didnt' even come to the high risk appt I had at 8wks. I am so sorry this is so long and probably all over the place. I jsut have no one to talk to. We haven't told anyone yet...we never told with our others until at least 12wks. I am basically miserable - who woudl ever have thought that a married, supported woman with children already would be thinking how terrible it was to be pregnant? :-(

TylerJ1029 December 21st, 2004 04:43 PM

Well first of all welcome to JM! I'm Jennifer (22) SAHM to Tyler (14 months). I'm a co-host for this board. (((HUGS))) I'm sorry you are feeling overwhelmed and unhappy about this pregnancy. There really isnt much I can say. Kelly is the other co-host from this board. She is where you are. Her and her DH were done and now she is 20 weeks. I'm sure she will say hi so I'm sure she will tell you her story. I'm sure you 2 will be able to relate very well. I hope things improve for you.

Please stick around and check out the other boards also like your due date club. I hope you find the friends and support system you are looking for here at JM. I know I'm addicted!

CindyLou December 21st, 2004 04:46 PM

Welcome to JM! I am sorry things haven't gone for you as planned, and DH isn't being supportive! They are many wonderful women here that are always great to talk to!! I hope you find the support you need here!!!! i know I have!

kjomomma December 21st, 2004 08:20 PM

Hello and welcome to Jm. I am kelly, I am the other cohost to this board. I am so sorry that you are in this situation. I am 25 years old and I am pregnant with my 4th child. I was not planning on having any more after i had my daughter last april. I got rid of all my baby stuff in June and in August I found out I was pregnant again. We were less than happy at first. but now the idea has kinda grown on us. I want to tell you that I have the upmost respect for you for not terminating this pregnancy and waiting it out. That must have been the hardest choice you have ever had to make. Men can be such jerks sometimes. when i told my husband i was pregnant this time he was such an ***** for the first few weeks and he still has his moments. You have come to the right place for support the women here are great and will listen to whatever you need to talk about. Please stick around and keep us updated....you will be in my thoughts and prayers. There are lots of boards here and you will quickly make friends and find some one to talk to. (((((hugs))))) Take care!

I Heart 4x4 December 22nd, 2004 01:24 AM

I have no advice .... just lots of (((hugs))).

Welcome to JM! I am Ashley (21), DW to Randy (20) and SAHM to Danny (2).

Hope you stick around!

m4bubs December 22nd, 2004 04:44 PM

Thank you to everyone for replying to my post. Thank you for the support. It is certainly what I have been looking for. I can't believe I am so worked up over this. It should be a happy time but instead I am worried sick. Lucky being pregnancy is nine months long so I am hoping to warm to the idea.

One question though - maybe Kelly coudl answer this - did you outright say that this child was unplanned when people asked. I dont' want this baby to be labelled and I know it will if the first words are 'yes it was an accident'.

I hope to find out the gender too at next weeks scan. Odds on it is boy (we have four already) so another thing I don't want to listen to throughout the pregnancy is "Are you trying for a girl?" Arghh I hate that! The scan will also look for the problems assiciated with the virus I had early in pg. Hopefully everything will be fine. I haven't miscarried yet so that is a good sign.

Thanks again for listening to me

TylerJ1029 December 22nd, 2004 04:53 PM

I'm sure you'll warm up to the idea of another. If people ask if it was planned or not say "It wasnt planned but its a blessing none the less" or "No child is an accident" Besides it no ones business if you child was planned or not. Obviously you want it none the less.

BTW I think you stated in your last post that you are only 10 weeks. You wont be able to find out the sex til week 18 at the earliest. But if its a boy, there will be no more surprises AND you have all the right stuff for him, LOL. But if its a girl that is one heck of an ending, know what I mean. :lol:

I'm glad you are enjoying it here. You should stop by your due date club to chat with the women in the same stage of pregnancy as you.

kjomomma December 22nd, 2004 06:50 PM

Well i don't deny that this one was an oopsie but usually I just tell people that we weren't trying but we were hoping to have another in a few years but God just had other plans for us. The comment I hate the worst is "Don't ya know what causes that" like I am really that stupid. It's harder when you are young b/c people just assume that my kids all have a different dad or that I don't know who the dad is. I get asked all the time if i get welfare...just ignorant questions and assumptions. One of the maitenance men at work told me when i was pregnant with my last one that I was his tax dollars in the flesh. i swear I thought i was going to smack him. The funny thing is that he didin't even know my name!
I think it's too early to tell the sex but since you will most likely be considered high risk you will have plenty of u/s. My baby has a calcified spot on her liver and they have been very concerned about it so i have had 3 u/s so far but luckily they think it's not going to be a big problem. I hope the same turns out for you.
My first had a malformed kidney and I had a level 2 u/s every week to check his fluid so we had plenty of chances to check the sex. Please stick around and keep us updated. Like Jen suggested, check out the due date clubs too.....what is your due date??? Good luck and I hope to chat with you soon.

m4bubs December 23rd, 2004 03:42 AM

I am due on July 18th - my eldest son's seventh birthday. How's that for ending where it all began LOL We found out the gender of our second child at the 12wk scan (they suspected twins but there was only one) - it was really obvious that it was a boy and the 18wk scan confirmed it.

I sick of people who automatically think we are on welfare too. The comment "WOW you must get a packet (lots of money) from the govt" just doesn't ring true here. Dh earns more then the cut off . We sit is that horrid area where we have to pay for everything but don't have enough to be comfortable - like msot people I guess. If I work it all would go in child care fees.

My last pregnancy was complicated by oligiohydramious (low amniotic fliud) and the baby has minor heart problems as a result. They are just monitoring him at the moment. It really isn't anything serious.

I will be glad when I have the scan, no more morning sickness(afternoon or night for that matter) and when dh warms to the idea of having another child in the house. Actually I think I will be happy to see next Christmas and have a 5mth old playign with the Christmas paper and me thinking how on earth coudl I have things any different :-)

kjomomma December 23rd, 2004 07:43 PM

Once both of you see that baby in the u/s you'll both fall in love....that's how it was with us. where are you from? We earn more than the cutoff too. we solved the childcare problem. Josh works m-f and I work 16 hour shifts on the weekends. it sucks but after several incidents of abuse in the daycare where I had my son we had to figure something else out. I have been doing it for 3 years now. i am not sure what we are going to do after this baby is born. we have been talking about moving to ky where his mom lives so that I can go back to school (and she will help with the kids) we're just not sure yet. I don't know if he can handle 3 kids and a newborn all weekend long...at least not at first. he's not incompetent but he has never been around kids until we had bryce so he gets ovrwhelmed very easy. I might do child care in our house. let us know how the scan goes....i am so glad you found jm!!! :smile:

tamw402004 December 23rd, 2004 07:50 PM

{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}} I hope everything works out well for all of you! The best of everything with your pregnancy! Take care!


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