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-   -   Feeling Resentful (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f47-venting-room/2350121-feeling-resentful.html)

Dee_G June 14th, 2011 02:47 PM

Feeling Resentful
Hello ladies,
I have a situation that has left me feeling totally resentful and unappreciated by my husband.
I'm a stay at home mom and wife, and I absolutely adore my life. This is everything I've ever wanted. I know many people would argue that I should want more from life, but being able to stay home and care for my son is so important to me.
That being said, my husband is a wonderful man and father. He cares for me and provides for my son and me, and I'm truly blessed to have him not only as a husband, but as a friend.
My husband works full time (of course.) He recently enrolled in an MBA program without asking me my thoughts and opinions. This bothered me because we are a team, and big decisions like this should first be discussed.
He works long hours, frequently 11+ per day. When he comes home he (understandably) needs some cool down time. Now he has homework which requires 3-4 hours a night.
I feel like I'm a single parent. I'm so tired and frustrated by the end of the day. My son is teething, and is usually grumpy. I have no time for myself, except here and there when my son is content playing alone. I've tried reaching out to friends and joining a mommy and me group, which has helped. But it doesn't take away from my feeling that I'm doing this alone.
I feel like I should be happy with what I have. I feel like I'm a big baby for complaining. My husband works his tail off, just as hard as I work at home. I know that he's doing this for the ultimate good and benefit of our family, but I feel so alone.
Any ideas on how to handle this? I think the problem is really my attitude- I just don't know how to shake it. :cry:
Thank you!

in_mommy June 16th, 2011 09:27 PM

Re: Feeling Resentful
(((HUGS))) I TOTALLY know how you are feeling, I am in a similar boat. DH is gone all the time or sleeping due to working night shift and I am basically alone all the time and now he thinks that some decisions that we should be making together he is not even discussing it with me and in fact hiding some of the decisions as he knows it wouldn't fly with me. Was the schooling something that you guys had talked about before or is this something just out of the blue?? When DH was in school too plus working we never saw him :( I guess I am no help, just tell him how you are feeling and that you understand that he needs his time, but that you do too and that once in a while you could use a little me time.

Dee_G June 20th, 2011 08:54 AM

Re: Feeling Resentful
Thanks Jenn! Just knowing I'm being "heard" totally makes me feel better. :p
We have actually talked about school- both of us had wanted to go back eventually. I was enrolled in my nursing program when I got pregnant and had to put it on hold for health reasons. So I guess I assumed that I'd be going back first.
I will try to talk to him. Thanks for being there to listen to me rant!
And good luck with your situation, too! :hug:

Philly77 July 10th, 2011 10:06 PM

Re: Feeling Resentful
First off, big hugs to you b/c I think how you are feeling is no different than most other stay at home moms. This is a hard job, which at times is made even more difficult by our DH/SO's work schedule. I can completely sympathize with you as my hubby leaves at 5am and doesn't walk through the door again until around 7-8pm. I am completely on my own with our two boys all day long and I'm absolutely exhausted by the time DH walks through the door.

I usually have a break down about once every 4 months and get upset over how much he works. :mellow: We sit down, we talk it out, I tell him how I feel and he tells me how he feels. He reminds me that he hates being away so much, but that he HAS to work the hours he does in order to allow me to stay home (I'm a teacher and will go back once my youngest is in school). We get all of our frustration out and things get back to normal. It's the nature of the beast and I just have to remind myself that I made the choice to stay home and that it's not going to be this way forever. We recently moved out of Chicago (where I was completely isolated and had no one around to talk to), and have moved back to my DH's hometown. This has helped a lot as I've made some friends and we do play dates on a regular basis. Also, my oldest started preschool this year and having to get him to and from school forces me to get out of the house more which is good.

I think your hubby sounds like he has good intentions and the good thing is that he's not out running around with his friends and goofing off, he's back in school to better your family. It's going to be a long road, but you will see a payoff in the end. I'd say talk to him, let him know how you are feeling and try and set up some time, maybe once a week, that you get out on your own. I'm pursuing my Master's as well, so I do know that while the work load is overwhelming, he should be able to give you some time for yourself at least once a week. It's just a thought.

Hang in there, you are not alone. I have days that I tell myself that I'm crazy for ever wanting to quit work and stay home. However, the thought of actually going back to work right now and leaving my 2 and 4 year old is more than I can bear. No way could I do it!

wazza3266 February 8th, 2012 05:54 AM

Re: Feeling Resentful
men are very difficult to understand. make sure he understands you and have a long quiet conversation with no raised voices or arguments. clear your heads.

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