Nancy
didn’t want her illness to be called a “battle”
or “fight” she wanted to call it a “chronic
disease.” Throughout the next four years, she
tried her best to keep her life and family the same
as it had always been.
So
what should a friend, far-away, do when their friend
has cancer?
Send
gifts -- Often
We
decided to send gifts to Nancy. We tried to send something
to her at least monthly, but we often sent something
every other week. We had so much fun deciding what
Nancy might like. It gave us something positive to
do, and Nancy liked receiving the gifts. She came
to visit us in the summer of 2000, as she was leaving,
she gave me a hug and whispered in my ear, “The
gifts are great!” We sent books for her to read,
tapes for her to listen to, warm socks in the winter,
comfortable lounging clothes, flowers, easy-to-make
dinners, and anything that she might mention to us.
At one point, she wanted to hang crystals in her dining
room window, to create multiple rainbows. We found
about a dozen antique crystals of varying shapes and
sizes and sent them to her.
Be
a listener, not a questioner
I
was once pretty sick, myself, and it was feared that
I might die. I got very frustrated that everyone who
called me asked first “What did the doctor say
today?” I got so tired of repeating the facts
and focusing on the illness. When I was talking to
Nancy or writing to her, I talked about regular, every-day
things. I talked about how my children were, how my
work was going. I asked her to help me with things,
just as she had always. For example, she reviewed
and helped to edit the books that I was writing at
that time.
I
let Nancy decide if she wanted to tell me anything
about doctor visits or her symptoms. She normally
did, but it was her decision.
My
family and I miss Nancy greatly, but we also have
good memories of those last four years of her life.
About
the Author:
Ruth
Haag (www.RuthHaag.com)
writes books that help people to understand life as
it is, rather than how they think it should be. Her
book, “Hope
all is well there, Love, Nancy”
is a collection of the letters that Nancy Caplan wrote
to Ruth during Nancy’s last four years of life.
Ruth is the CEO/CFO of Haag Environmental Company.
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