Some couples get very excited about finding out the sex of their baby. Others do not want to find out. Both scenarios have their perks. Finding out your baby’s gender in advance gives you the opportunity to plan a baby nursery and pick out gender specific baby clothes. Still, not finding out, has it’s own appeal. Some prefer the surprise factor of not finding out or want to keep things more natural. The tricky part comes when one parent wants to find out the baby’s gender and the other does not. What is the best thing to do to make both parents happy?
Here are some tips from other mommies on how to win the Ultrasound War.
You really want to know and he doesn’t
- Slip the ultrasound tech a $20 with a note on it that says “I really do want to know. Write the results in my chart”.
- Bring a video tape to record the ultrasound, then analyze the tape frame by frame till you see your baby’s private parts. Then play these parts for your friends twenty times until they tell you what you want to hear.
- Scream and pout in the doctor’s office until your husband is so embarrassed that he lets you have your way.
You really don’t want to know and he does
- Slip the ultrasound tech a little note that says “make my baby’s parts magically disappear” while you smile and say, “Yes, we are really hoping that our baby shows his parts at this appointment”.
- Conveniently have preggo brain and forget to ask the doctor what the gender is. This only works if your husband is the shy type that won’t ask on his own.
- Bribe him with sex or money. That usually works.
When these tips don’t work here are some more practical ones.
1. Brainstorm - Put your thinking caps on. Do some brainstorming and try to come up with fair solutions. Write down all your ideas or talk about them. Maybe he has an idea that you hadn’t thought of that would be fair for both of you.
2. Negotiate - If you can’t agree negotiate. Try a little give and take on some other issues. Consider caving on the extra money you wanted to spend on your baby’s nursery in exchange for finding out the baby’s gender. Or if you don’t want to find out and he does, you could let him have his way on what type of baby name you will choose. There are so many different choices that come up during pregnancy. Negotiating will help you both to feel like you have a say in things.
3. Compromise - A common solution to the ultrasound/gender dispute is to have one partner find out and the other not find out. As difficult as this sounds, it is really not such a big deal. Couples do this all the time. You can have the ultrasound tech write your baby’s gender on a piece of paper and seal it in an envelope. Variations to this idea: Have your partner and you both agree not to tell the other if you look at the envelope. This way you don’t know if the other knows. With this idea you both have to be faithful to keep the other’s wishes.
4. Procrastinate - Sometimes waiting till the day of the ultrasound to decide is okay. A lot of times even the partner that thinks he/she does not want to find out suddenly changes his/her mind at the last minute or vice versa. Wait and see how things go. There is no need to be stressed. If you are still not sure, tell the tech you are not sure and ask her if she would mind writing something in your records until you make up your mind.
5. Ask around - Ask other people what they did. See how your friends and family members handled the situation. Maybe someone will influence your decision or give you some ideas you hadn’t though about.
6. Take turns - If you plan on having more than one child, you can always take turns on finding out the gender. A lot of couples have found this a good solution to the problem.