Most adults think she is adorable but most of her
peers find her snooty
In her conversations she repeatedly makes demeaning
or mocking references of other girls - what they
say, wear, or how they look.
is always involved in little skirmishes with other
girls and always has a she-said-I-said story.
In her relationships with other girls she is clearly
the one in control. They must all follow her lead
or run the risk of loosing her friendship.
She is being controlled by another girl or group
of girls. What they say and think is a priority
in her life, and she fears loosing their friendship
more than anything.
might be nodding your head to some of these, but you’re
still thinking: “What’s the big deal?
Isn’t this all a normal part of girlhood?”
I have news for you. If this sounds in any way like
your child, she is a mean girl. What’s worst,
she probably got it from you.
Wiseman in her book, "Queen Bees & Wannabes",
suggests that mothers are their daughters’ main
role models of womanhood. In fact, mothers are the
ones who influence their daughters’ ideas of
social hierarchies. She learns from you how to treat
other women, and she imitates you in her relationships
with other females her age. However, what is even
more troubling about mean girls is that psycho-socially
mean girls can be vicious, controlling and manipulative.
These are traits that can lead to long-term unhappiness
and even depression. Mean girls are never satisfied
with themselves or with others. They can be insatiable.
They fall easy prey to addictive behavior and/or eating
disorders. No parent in their right mind wants this
for their daughter. We need to understand that mean
girls and mean women operate from three platforms:
Envy- Mean women have strong desires to have
what other women have. They are willing to go to any
extreme to have it. Even if that means that they will
have to destroy it, so neither of you have it. The
most popular grudge strategies are: spread rumors
about you, talk behind your back, boycott your projects,
get in the middle of your relationships with your
man or your friends.
Insecurity – In the minds of mean women
acknowledging another woman’s positives will
only accentuate their own negatives. Consequently,
cut-throating, back-stabbing and undermining are all
an effort to put you in your rightful place. After
all: “Who do you think you are? You are not
better than me!” For a mean woman you must always
remain beneath her, otherwise you’ll show up
her flaws and weaknesses.
Ignorance – Too many women believe
that meanness is a normal part of being female. In
the same way that many women believe that all men
are unfaithful, they also believe that all women are
gossipers. This ignorant belief only serves to isolate
women and perpetuate an attitude that demeans women.
mothers can do to change their daughters’ mean
is to monitor their own selves. What do you have to
say about other women? How do you relate to other
women? What are your own views about your body image
and that of other women? Have you taught your daughter
that every woman is a sister? Do you show respect
for other women’s choices, views, men, possessions?
If you have somehow fallen short, believe me most
of us have, it’s never too late to make amends.
Reposition yourself. Make conscious efforts to operate
from platforms of respect, sisterhood and wisdom -
particularly in the presence of your daughter.
Norka Blackman-Richards is an educator, writer, and
motivational speaker for women. A member of National
Association of Women Writers, she is also the founder
Visit her site to subscribe to her FREE newsletter.
You may contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org
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