Keeping The Romance Alive While Trying To Conceive
By Nancy Da Silva
A growing number of couples are turning to less conventional, holistic methods to conceive children. Forgoing the drugs and invasive, sometimes painful medical testing for spas with fertility programs, couples only vacations, all natural diets, pilgrimages to fertile meccas and so on. Some women even claim that acupuncture has helped them to overcome their infertility.So what do all these practices have in common? The basic principle is one of fostering relaxation and a healthy, stress free environment. They raise the importance of empowering the connection between the man and woman in a time when the most basic expression of love and affection begins to feel like a chore.
In recent years, the trend has become for women to put off having children until their later years while they focus on their careers. The downside is that biologically their ability to conceive is considerably lessened the longer they wait.
How can you refocus your energy into you two as a couple as opposed to you two as soldiers in Operation: Baby?
Jessica, a Home Care provider from Welland, Ontario and mother of two has always had trouble conceiving and is currently working on baby number three. She offers these suggestions on how to make relationships a priority while keep your eye on the goal, “For me and my husband who do not conceive easily, we haven't been using birth control for over a year now and still no baby, some times keeping the romance is difficult. For us it is really just keeping in mind what it is you really want. A beautiful baby! It also helps to spice things up for us anyways. Different places if possible, maybe a romantic weekend away (when it's ovulating time). Getting a quickie in whenever you can helps too, especially for us since we have two young kids all ready and sometimes finding the time is hard! I think the biggest thing is to stay connected with each other, and not to think of it as a chore!”
Sex on demand is probably the biggest impediment for couples trying to keep the romance alive during this trying, stressful time. What would seem to be the ultimate fantasy for anyone in love, more sex, becomes a growingly unpleasant task when the end result; a baby, never seems to materialize. This will commonly lead your mutual sex drive to take a serious nosedive.
Some suggestions from your doctor or holistic practitioner may be to encourage a re-focusing of your energy back to you two as a couple.
While the sex is obviously the physical thing that will bring about the baby couples are working towards, it’s the fostering of intimacy that will enable couples to keep the romance alive and make the act a beautiful expression of their dream and hopefully help their baby materialize that much easier.
Some tried and true ways to keep the baby making magic alive are:
1. Remember You Are More Than Just The Sum Of Your Parts:
While it may seem like a dream for any guy to have his woman ready to pounce on him as soon as he walks in the door, his ego will probably take a serious beating when he realizes it’s his sperm she wants and not necessarily him. We women have spent many years fighting against being objectified. Let’s not treat the men we love like inanimate sperm donors, on call for whenever our ovulation kits give us the signal.
2. Go On A No-Nookie Date:
Get out of the house and spend some romantic time together without having sex. Re-visit a favourite restaurant or just go out for a quiet, romantic picnic. Reconnecting with each other as people will remind you of all the passion you two have for each other and take the pressure off both of you to ‘perform’ your baby-making duty. Make some nights just about the two of you and the nights where you do have sex will have the added connection of two people who love each other, and more importantly, love spending time together.
3. Get Out Of Bed:
For some people, their work place instigates a Pavlovian negative response. We’d rather be anywhere else and just thinking about our work area makes us physically recoil. This is a response to stress. The same thing happens when couples have a hard time conceiving. Just the idea of the bedroom causes most couples to recoil because sex has become work and the bedroom, our workplace. Make sex an exciting process again by taking it out of the bedroom sometimes. Granted, this will be easier if you don’t have kids running around but a mad burst of passion in the kitchen, in front of the fireplace in the living room, in the pool, out in the backyard on a warm summer night (make sure your fences are appropriately high enough. Nosy neighbours and all that) will keep sex from becoming a hum drum chore.
4. Don’t Play The Blame Game:
You’re in this together. Regardless if one of you really is the reason you’re having trouble conceiving, it will do neither of you any good to blame the other. Working as a team will keep your relationship strong and make sure that you’re focused on your strengths as a couple as opposed to your shortcomings. Bitterness and disappointment certainly won’t help you keep that loving feeling.
Remember that the whole reason you want this baby in the first place is as an extension of the family you already have. You and your husband are a family in and of yourselves. If you keep in mind that this dream you have of conceiving a child is a shared one. It will be easier to keep each other a priority.
Removing the stress of sex on demand and bringing the romance back into your lives will guarantee that the desire for your baby will not overshadow your desire for each other.